I've always been kind of jealous of people for whom it is enough to care for others or work in research or whatever, and they feel so fulfilled etc. It kills me that there seems to be no objective meaning to life. To me, that's an equivalent of buying a laptop and using it as a sushi plate and people have no idea that the manufacturer intended for it to be this amazing machine that is not meant to be used as a plate at all. Sure, it can work great as a sushi plate but there's so much more to it.
This world in general applies reductionist principles to everything it seems. That's the default. And in isolation all that subjective meaning that people find works for them just fine.
I am a big picture kind of person though, so reductionism doesn't work for me. I am looking at the world and at my life as a whole. And yeah certain things make me happy, or at least they used to. But if I am happy making music, I am not able to do that 24/7, because guess what? There are so much other shit to deal with, so many problems and suffering. So in general, I am not able to be happy, except for a few hours where I do get to do what makes me happy.
And truly, I am jealous of people who seem to be totally unphased by all the problems and what not that interferes with their "purpose". I wish I could be that kind of a person but I am not. Therefore I am here and I will always be here because at least I now know exactly why I am so miserable.
I do understand your feelings. I certainly used to feel envious of people who seemed able to enjoy life, even see it as precious despite encountering hardships.
I'm not so sure about the whole 'meaning' and 'purpose' perspective though. To refer to your example, I suppose our 'manufacturers' are our parents and a God- if you happen to believe in one. Would it necessarily have made you happy if your parents had told you what your purpose was? We want you to become a doctor- we don't care if you enjoy composing music. Similarly, would people actually be happier with more rules? Religious or otherwise? What if we don't want to follow our fixed purpose or rules? Don't we also want the freedom to pursue the things we happen to enjoy?
I suppose you could argue that neither a sushi plate or a laptop has consciousness. So- the laptop wouldn't care what it was used for. The manufacturer already has their money so, I doubt they care much either. It's the human who's missing out but then, who knows? Maybe sushi is better than social media.
'Wasted potential' is a complicated issue I think- especially with humans. Are we miserable because we know we had/ have more potential that we're not using- in which case- why not? Or, is it because other people put pressure on us to live up to our potential?
With a human though- we're conscious. We know what are bodies and minds are capable of- to a greater extent. Lifting weights builds muscle. Learning a language means you'll get better at communicating in it. Learning and practicing anything will likely increase your skill and knowedge in it. So- it's in part up to us what we want to pursue and, how far.
Where I certainly agree though is limitations. We are usually stuck with them. That's where I'm similar to you really. Life is a whole bunch of compromises and juggling obligations we really don't want and, I don't feel satisfied with that either.
The problem I'm struggling with is that my original purpose in life- that kept me going all this time- pursuing a creative career, is also feeling in part like everything else. Something I have to do to earn money to support a life I don't want. It doesn't actually make sense to keep living. Asides from trying to prevent loved ones getting hurt in reaction to my suicide.
