Does anyone feel extreme loneliness? How does it affect you?

[BlackPoppet]

Right now I've never felt more alone.

Hey BlackPoppet,

You sound like a lovely and friendly person who has been hurt by people in the past. Perhaps you trusted them and they ended up betraying that trust. I completely understand the need to be cautious with people as a result. I think that this is a good thing, but I'm sorry this bothers you.

I do not feel lonely as I am lucky to have good friends that I can usually call and hangout with. But I hate being alone. I was not like this last year (before the tragedies occurred in my life). I am not proud of this but I feel that I always need people with me. I am also extroverted but I was not like this. It is something that I need to work through, and go back to finding peace and satisfaction with my own company.

I'm terribly sorry you feel misunderstood. Of course your feelings of loneliness are completely understandable. If I may ask, what would make you feel emotionally satisfied in that regard?

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. Yes some people have betrayed my trust. I have got better being in my own company because a lot of the time I want to be left alone. I don't want to deal with people. However I'm afraid I'll lose some social skills. I'm becoming more cynical too, regarding people. So it's a battle. I hope you get the resolution you need also. I'm sorry to hear you've been through tragedy. One of my worst tragedies was losing my Grandfather.

 

[Deleted member 14573]

Yes, I know what you mean. It's not nice to say but I'm essentially a misanthrope. I know that while people can choose to be good but at theend of the day, people think about themselves. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but it's safe to assume that most people will throw you away or dispose of you if you can't offer them something that benefits their life. It's why I don't really bother anymore with making new friends because I know 99% of relationships are temporary.

I agree that many relationships are messy and can often end with you being lied to, disappointed, forgotten, etc. Some people can forgive this to an extent, and others would rather opt out altogether, so I understand where you are coming from.

On the surface of it, I have people in my life. I'm married. I have a child. Siblings, mother, friends.

But I feel completely and utterly alone. I hear their words when they say they love me, but I feel nothing. I don't feel loved or wanted. I'm useful to people but when they don't need anything from me I don't hear from them.

Logically I know that that is normal behaviour. People have their own lives to lead. But logic does not banish the aching hollowness inside.

I've put off ctb so far for one reason only. I want to sell my flat, discard all the rubbish, pay off everything. My pathological need to be liked is so strong that I'm extending my own pain so that after my passing nobody complains about me, that I left a mess for them to sort out.

That level of desperation to be liked means I'm always lonely. Dying inside whilst keeping up a facade.

Loneliness kills. It's what will end my existence.

I'm sorry for how lonely you feel. It sounds even more difficult because important people in your life can not remove that sense of loneliness which would feel quite painful, I imagine. Has this always been the case or is it more recent?

I have pushed my friends aside because I don't know if I can trust them. Loneliness is sad and sometimes almost unbearable, but I'd rather be on my own than in company of fake people.

This is a good thing to live by as it will save you from unnecessary drama, pain and headache. I do hope you find people that earn your trust though. Hugs

I have no friends and no family besides a kid that hates me. I haven't had these things in so long, I'm not even sure how to behave around people with friends and family. I'm over 40, I doubt I'm making friends at this point. Feels bad.

I am sorry you're in this situation, especially with your child. Hugs . Of course we can make friends at any age, it is far from over at this point! I can imagine after feeling isolated you would feel unsure of how to behave in social settings. I hope you can feel comfortable to be yourself and find a very good friend.

I'm so very lonely, I have chosen to not have a relationship until my kids are grown up.

But I would love someone to cuddle up to occasionally
❤

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. Yes some people have betrayed my trust. I have got better being in my own company because a lot of the time I want to be left alone. I don't want to deal with people. However I'm afraid I'll lose some social skills. I'm becoming more cynical too, regarding people. So it's a battle. I hope you get the resolution you need also. I'm sorry to hear you've been through tragedy. One of my worst tragedies was losing my Grandfather.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have dealt with a lot of grief these last few months as well. If you feel the grief is overwhelming don't hesitate to pm me.

 

[Never Free]

I have a partner. I don't really have friends anymore because I don't trust people in the real world. A lot of people have let me down. I'm generally extroverted, now not so much.
I have been a bad judge of character before, now I'm more discerning. However because I'm mostly extrovert....It bothers me. Anyone else feel like this?

This fits me very well. Except I've typically been a pretty good judge of character. Things that got in my way were wishful thinking, or hyper vigilance. Though I believe I am naturally pretty good. Am an Extrovert and I know it can be very tough to be an isolated Extrovert. Very draining. Are you into MBTI or Jung. The grip or inferior function may fit. For me the trust thing keeps me isolating. Though even moreso probably not wanting to be close. If I CTB and am not close people will not miss me.

This fits me very well. Except I've typically been a pretty good judge of character. Things that got in my way were wishful thinking, or hyper vigilance. Though I believe I am naturally pretty good. Am an Extrovert and I know it can be very tough to be an isolated Extrovert. Very draining. Are you into MBTI or Jung. The grip or inferior function may fit. For me the trust thing keeps me isolating. Though even moreso probably not wanting to be close. If I CTB and am not close people will not miss me. You also sound like Enneagram 6 maybe? I'm one and a lot of the trust issues and isolating can be a part of it

 

[BlackPoppet]

This fits me very well. Except I've typically been a pretty good judge of character. Things that got in my way were wishful thinking, or hyper vigilance. Though I believe I am naturally pretty good. Am an Extrovert and I know it can be very tough to be an isolated Extrovert. Very draining. Are you into MBTI or Jung. The grip or inferior function may fit. For me the trust thing keeps me isolating. Though even moreso probably not wanting to be close. If I CTB and am not close people will not miss me.

Yes I'm hyper vigilant now also. I like Jung a lot. I haven't read anything by him for a while. I need a refresher course! I do feel drained, yet antsy at the same time, like trying to live my life is what I should be doing, that's what my extrovert side is really wanting to do. My cautious, more introverted side is telling me don't bother with people. I guess I'm trying to protect myself. The extrovert in me says.... " your too young to have a reduced social life, go and do some thing about it" it's really hard. Thank you for the advice regarding Jung!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have a partner. I don't really have friends anymore because I don't trust people in the real world. A lot of people have let me down. I'm generally extroverted, now not so much.
I have been a bad judge of character before, now I'm more discerning. However because I'm mostly extrovert....It bothers me. Anyone else feel like this?

I've always been alone though I've shared the road with many people but only at a mostly superficial level.
Now I'm alone for real. I'm used to it but it's still tough. My brother is close by but he's an emotionally detached fatalist. My sister is a long way away and I now realise I have little in common with her after she and my brother forced me into the situation I'm now in.
I'm a gregarious introvert. I like people though I feel I have little in common with most. I recharge by being alone.
But it's a hard thing to turn around after a lifetime of trying to play the game and realise you have no one.
I can be friendly, even charming, but I always seem to find I think in different terms to other people and so no relationship sticks.
In the end they disappoint me or I'm too weird for them when my true colours come out.
Honestly, I prefer dogs.

 

[BlackPoppet]

I've always been alone though I've shared the road with many people but only at a mostly superficial level.
Now I'm alone for real. I'm used to it but it's still tough. My brother is close by but he's an emotionally detached fatalist. My sister is a long way away and I now realise I have little in common with her after she and my brother forced me into the situation I'm now in.
I'm a gregarious introvert. I like people though I feel I have little in common with most. I recharge by being alone.
But it's a hard thing to turn around after a lifetime of trying to play the game and realise you have no one.
I can be friendly, even charming, but I always seem to find I think in different terms to other people and so no relationship sticks.
In the end they disappoint me or I'm too weird for them when my true colours come out.
Honestly, I prefer dogs.

I don't think you are weird. Nothing wrong with being yourself. It's when one tries to change for other people, then it gets weird... for me too! I used to change myself to fit in with a group of people.... I'd come home and couldn't recognise myself in the mirror. I was a stranger to my self. No I just be myself and I'm better off.

 

[BlackPoppet]

I agree that many relationships are messy and can often end with you being lied to, disappointed, forgotten, etc. Some people can forgive this to an extent, and others would rather opt out altogether, so I understand where you are coming from.

I'm sorry for how lonely you feel. It sounds even more difficult because important people in your life can not remove that sense of loneliness which would feel quite painful, I imagine. Has this always been the case or is it more recent?

This is a good thing to live by as it will save you from unnecessary drama, pain and headache. I do hope you find people that earn your trust though. Hugs

I am sorry you're in this situation, especially with your child. Hugs . Of course we can make friends at any age, it is far from over at this point! I can imagine after feeling isolated you would feel unsure of how to behave in social settings. I hope you can feel comfortable to be yourself and find a very good friend.



I am so incredibly sorry to hear about your grandfather. I have dealt with a lot of grief these last few months as well. If you feel the grief is overwhelming don't hesitate to pm me.

Thank you I will! You are very kind! Sorry I didn't reply earlier!

 

[Never Free]

Yes I'm hyper vigilant now also. I like Jung a lot. I haven't read anything by him for a while. I need a refresher course! I do feel drained, yet antsy at the same time, like trying to live my life is what I should be doing, that's what my extrovert side is really wanting to do. My cautious, more introverted side is telling me don't bother with people. I guess I'm trying to protect myself. The extrovert in me says.... " your too young to have a reduced social life, go and do some thing about it" it's really hard. Thank you for the advice regarding Jung!

Hope it helps! My Extroverted side is stronger. It's the outwards expression of Feeling and values. Very socially expressive. Only I have a weaker logical side that's more internal. I don't get energy from this. I'm drained easily from it. I have an Intuitive side that's also introverted. Though it's not as strong as my Emotionally expressive side, it's fairly strong. Mostly when I'm drained I'm in my weakest function. I know I'm most rejuvenated by interaction. Though circumstances often lead me to suppression. When I express myself enough my Intuition can process everything. Though the people I get on with feels guilty to see as I know that means they'd be hurt if I left

 

[BlackPoppet]

Hope it helps! My Extroverted side is stronger. It's the outwards expression of Feeling and values. Very socially expressive. Only I have a weaker logical side that's more internal. I don't get energy from this. I'm drained easily from it. I have an Intuitive side that's also introverted. Though it's not as strong as my Emotionally expressive side, it's fairly strong. Mostly when I'm drained I'm in my weakest function. I know I'm most rejuvenated by interaction. Though circumstances often lead me to suppression. When I express myself enough my Intuition can process everything. Though the people I get on with feels guilty to see as I know that means they'd be hurt if I left

I have a massive high intuitive side. It's constant and doesn't fluctuate. I'm grateful for it. I don't know where I'd be without it. I have a logical side that's like a higher self. My extrovert side is more carefree. Almost child like. The high intuitive and the logical side is more like a parent. Both sides battle constantly. You seem like a very nice, intelligent, empathetic person. I'm sure lots of people would be sad if you left.

 

[YukiFox]

I've always been a quiet person and have a few long-time friends (I counted it with one hand, without exxagerations). Well, the point is I used to be alone all the time, in fact, I never got a boyfriend more than 1 year, nor living in the same house toghether with a partner. I feel extremely quiet, and I want to change that, but I'm lack of social abilities and my hobbies or interests are limited to common people. I can cope with that, I can handle the solitude, but I want to live at least once in my life the expierience of intimacy with another person, the daily routine, a "normal" life of partnership or marriage. That's one of the reasons of I'm aiming the recovery.

 

[Never Free]

I have a massive high intuitive side. It's constant and doesn't fluctuate. I'm grateful for it. I don't know where I'd be without it. I have a logical side that's like a higher self. My extrovert side is more carefree. Almost child like. The high intuitive and the logical side is more like a parent. Both sides battle constantly. You seem like a very nice, intelligent, empathetic person. I'm sure lots of people would be sad if you left.

Thanks. You seem very nice yourself, wise, and compassionate. Lately I've been very off kilter and not very nice. Though my family doesn't notice the difference. Do avoid friends and people I get on with to not hurt them more later. Though it leaves me isolated and alone. In MBTI and other personalities theories based on Jung people have 4 conscious functions. Two that are the strongest are a judging function Thinking or Feeling and a Perceiving function Intuition or Sensing. One of those functions is Extroverted. The other is Introverted. Interesting the way you describe it. It reminds me of the works of "Personality Hacker" an offshoot of MBTI and John Beebe another offshoot. You seemed like you may mainly use Extrovert Intuition to me. This makes me think that even more. That would mean your grip would be Introverted Sensing. My immediate impression is maybe an ENTP your third function would be Extroverted Feeling which would be more friendly.

Though part of me also thinks maybe very off ENTJ as that would mean you have Extroverted Thinking. As I relate to the care free as my third function is Extroverted sensing.

The question would be if you find your Intuition better at explaining things/ connecting or reflecting and looking back. Which one you used your Thinking side for too

 

[BlackPoppet]

Thanks. You seem very nice yourself, wise, and compassionate. Lately I've been very off kilter and not very nice. Though my family doesn't notice the difference. Do avoid friends and people I get on with to not hurt them more later. Though it leaves me isolated and alone. In MBTI and other personalities theories based on Jung people have 4 conscious functions. Two that are the strongest are a judging function Thinking or Feeling and a Perceiving function Intuition or Sensing. One of those functions is Extroverted. The other is Introverted. Interesting the way you describe it. It reminds me of the works of "Personality Hacker" an offshoot of MBTI and John Beebe another offshoot. You seemed like you may mainly use Extrovert Intuition to me. This makes me think that even more. That would mean your grip would be Introverted Sensing. My immediate impression is maybe an ENTP your third function would be Extroverted Feeling which would be more friendly.

Though part of me also thinks maybe very off ENTJ as that would mean you have Extroverted Thinking. As I relate to the care free as my third function is Extroverted sensing.

The question would be if you find your Intuition better at explaining things/ connecting or reflecting and looking back. Which one you used your Thinking side for too

I've always been intuitive. I can also predict things are going to happen before they do. I also can predict human behaviour because I was bullied in school and it taught me a lot about people. I think I definitely might have the extroverted feeling. I am friendly and outgoing. I should check out John Beebe. I haven't read any psychology stuff ever since I got a Diploma in Psychology from an on line course I did. It's interesting.
I know what you mean about avoiding people you care about so you won't hurt them. I've done that too. Sorry I took so long to reply. I'm in Britain and the times zones. So I had to go to bed. I hope you don't think I was being rude.

 

[I’mDone]

I'm so very lonely, I have chosen to not have a relationship until my kids are grown up.

But I would love someone to cuddle up to occasionally
❤

It's not the same as a cuddle but always happy to lend a supportive & sympathetic ear.

Don't have anyone I can turn to whenever I need help.
Sometimes I do really think I am slowly going insane.

Again, always happy to listen, chat and lend a sympathetic ear.

 

[Eren]

I can't handle loneliness, it's horrible, and it's one of my main reasons for ctb.

 

[Freedent]

I'm convinced that every single person in this world is alone. There is no way a perfect understanding and trust can exist between two individuals. There's just different ways to handle that loneliness, a lot of persons like their own company. But human relationships are just a constant tip-toieng around the line between distance and closeness, trying to find balance so you don't get hurt or left alone. It's a very complex equilibrium, but even if you were able to reach that perfect spot, you'd feel incomplete, misunderstood. I think life just fundamentally sucks, it's just a constant back and forth between boredom and pain, loneliness and corruption of yourself as a person.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

human relationships are just a constant tip-toieng around the line between distance and closeness

I agree with that.
A need to be separate and a need to be close and a stuggle neither wins.
I am always lonely. I accepted it a long time ago, and though I've struggled with the above conflict, I've come to the feeling that my loneliness is not always a bad nor ignoble thing.

 

[Despondent]

There's times where I feel so alone that I hit rock bottom, feel the need to isolate, and get feelings that nobody cares. Then I just pick myself back up because nobody does care haha

 

[Blackpoolbootz]

I guess I'm a loner, but don't really trust people that much. I've got a cat that's fab many a time he has saved me.

 

[Donk]

i feel lonely but at the same time i have no motivation to reach out to people. does that make sense at all? whenever im with people i would get depress. for example if they were talking about things going on in their lives it makes me feel worthless because i dont really do anything. im not motivated to do anything. i dont find pleasure in doing anything. its like i have no way to connect with other people because my life is so empty. ahedonia really sucks the soul out of your body. also most people my age are occupied with raising their children. my wife and i cant have kids and it makes me feel like i lm living a life with no purpose.

 

[Shero]

I am accustomed to it, so it doesn't affect me that much.
Its not the main reason that led me to come to this forum.

 

[mxEll]

Loneliness is probably the main reason I'm here. I've never really felt I was on the same level as another person and find it very difficult to open up to anybody, which has probably saved me as many times as harmed me. I can never shake the feeling that people just want to take advantage.

 

[qwerty32]

Before being in a relationship, I was use to loneliness. I have friends who I hang out with once in a while. It was regular life for me. Once I was in a relationship I loved it. But then after the break up and trying to be friends with them, and then all contact has been cut off. Now I feel extreme loneliness, I miss being in a relationship where someone thinks of you and I think of them.

 

[mediocre]

I think I do but after a while you kind of get used to it. I am alone 99% of the time and I always have to have to be listening to voices from the TV or the computer or else I would feel extremely alone.

 

[per_aspera_ad_astra]

All the time. It wasn't until eighth grade when I started to notice that sense of loneliness. I guess it's because I started to develop crushes and eventually pursued relationships that always failed. It's like a wolf being kept as a pet for its entire life while being fed dog food suddenly experiencing the taste of blood-once you experience the satiation of instinctual drives, you'll never be content without it. A wolf will be a wolf will be a wolf.

 

[Somberly_]

I have always felt a bit more like I was just existing in solitude rather than in loneliness. I hadn't found someone I could connect with or trust enough to talk about the things I hold closest. But I had hope that I just hadnt met my friend or soulmate yet. Then I finally made that friend, someone I could talk to about every thing that I thought I would never reveal to another being! It was nice. I truly loved them.

They ended up taking their own life, about 7 years ago now. They were suffering a lot and they always would be suffering, so I understand why they did it. I'm happy they're no longer hurting. I considered their problems insurmountable, and I was amazed they had lasted as long as they did. They are a big reason why I do truly consider suicide as an option that sometimes is the only choice.

After that, I feel that a permanent rift started to develop between me and others. I can get along with nearly everyone under the sun, and I can find qualities to love about even the most vile person. But I just don't feel like I can open up like that again. I've tried very hard since then to find someone I could be that way with, and I've had moments where I thought I did. But no, I might as well be looking for a knight in shining armor.

My closest friendship of recent years, one that was about 4 years old, was mutilated when I finally realized the truth. In my most desperate moment, when I needed them most, they couldn't even be bothered to hear me talk. I'd listen to a literal stranger if they told me they were feeling suicidal, and yet my best friend told me to stop talking. Why had they told me they loved me? Why had they told me to try and open up more to them? It hurts to think about even now. It's not that I felt alone because I couldn't talk about something that was bothering me. It's that I felt like I really would be alone for my entire life. I've felt that way for 4 months since, and I think it may never leave.

I am very likely going to die truly alone, without another living soul to have heard the things I cannot say.

 

[Remember to forget]

Yes I feel lonely. More than ever at the moment. I have people on my life but I never feel I'm good enough and don't really understand why they bother.
Just had a friend lie to me, someone I spent a lot of time on and it's really knocked me. I will probably trust someone again and let them fool me because I am so awful at judging people. I think just being lonely is better than trying to fill the lonely times with other people that just let you down.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I have a partner. I don't really have friends anymore because I don't trust people in the real world. A lot of people have let me down. I'm generally extroverted, now not so much.
I have been a bad judge of character before, now I'm more discerning. However because I'm mostly extrovert....It bothers me. Anyone else feel like this?

Couldn't have written it more accurately. There are people around me daily, I'm rarely alone, but I'm always alone. I feel like my dogs understand me more than the humans around me do.

 

[BlackPoppet]

Couldn't have written it more accurately. There are people around me daily, I'm rarely alone, but I'm always alone. I feel like my dogs understand me more than the humans around me do.

Yes I know what you mean about pets understanding you better than humans. My cats are always there and listen to me when I talk to them. They don't always understand what I am saying, but they listen anyway. I feel as though they understand me better than people do now.
Even when I'm in a crowd I am surrounded by humans, but feel lonelier than ever.

Yes I feel lonely. More than ever at the moment. I have people on my life but I never feel I'm good enough and don't really understand why they bother.
Just had a friend lie to me, someone I spent a lot of time on and it's really knocked me. I will probably trust someone again and let them fool me because I am so awful at judging people. I think just being lonely is better than trying to fill the lonely times with other people that just let you down.

Yes although it hurts to be lonely, I'd rather be alone than surround myself with people that let me down. I'm with you on that. Big hug to you, from me.

I feel very lonely and detached. For months, before the quarantine, I've been feeling like my friends and family are literal strangers. It feels like my memories didn't happen to me, which makes me feel more isolated.

I don't know what to do.
I feel very lonely and detached. For months, before the quarantine, I've been feeling like my friends and family are literal strangers. It feels like my memories didn't happen to me, which makes me feel more isolated.

I don't know what to do.

I'm always here if you need a friendly ear. Big hug to you!

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I'm so sad to hear so many people here are also feeling lonely. I have never been more lonely in my entire life. I hardly ever see my family, but there are a lot of issues and the relationships aren't satisfying anyhow; to much past trauma. I've never really had many good friends irl, nor have I had many relationships. I've not been in a relationship in a bit. I've no friends at all outside of here now & even here it seems like lately the numbers have wained even more. Ive really never been so low in my life.

Ive tried many things, and without going into detail, the cards are very much stacked against me. This site helped at first, but now I often feel worse after coming here. Actually sometimes significantly worse & I've really not used the site much. I still feel horrible & loneliness is one of the main reasons I found myself here/feeling so bad. I've lost any hope at this point. Anyway I'm always here if anyone wants to chat.. tho idk if my PM's work.

 

[mothdust9]

I've always been a loner, but I'm okay with that. I'm very introverted and I think I've always felt a sense of loneliness even when I'm around others due to feeling weird and like no one understands me 100%. My Myers briggs type is INFJ, so that explains alot. I don't feel as lonely when I'm around animals, though. I have two sweet doggies that are always by my side.