Venting Does anyone else on here not able to enjoy anything in life?

[nosoul]

My body and mind are failing, I literally can't enjoy anything anymore, music shows, TV, food, can't sleep without meds, but I'm still afraid to ctb but don't know how to hang on, I'm such a huge failure and I'm a bundle of anxiety, now I feel I can't work. Just totally stuck.

I guess these are common attributes to those who wish to ctb?

My anguish is immense, I know I will die early and go senile, but still fearful of ending it but feel its my only option.

Feeling terrified, so so tired and without options.

I want to take the eternal sleep soon especially since I haven't slept in a month.

But all we can do is say sorry to each other about our situations.

I'm so done my mind is making me crazy, meds not helping.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Very sure that's at least 90% of us in the suicidal discussion.

I feel nothing. No motivation to participate in hobbies. It just becomes more apparent that CTB is the best choice for me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I've given up all the hobbies I used to enjoy. My TV is always on, but that's only because I live alone and have no one to talk to, so I need the sound, if that makes sense. Even when I watch the TV, I'm really not paying attention to it. Mostly, I just go through the motions of life. I can't think of anything I really enjoy anymore. Actually, anything I have to do is simply a chore. It's all hard.

 

[10000DaysTooMany]

I still have my moments of enjoyment but they seem to be far and few between now. As time goes on I can feel my happiness feel like less and less.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I was just explaining to someone on here that I almost signed up for a coed rec softball league today. Then it hit me that I really don't want to meet new people anymore. I wanted to join just to get the exercise. However, ever since the dawn of the post-COVID age, I've become a total misanthrope. Nothing is enjoyable because of people. Plus, the more I try to find meaning and give meaning to life, the less meaning I find in life. Everything is a contest. Everything is a struggle. Everything is so fake and put on with people. I interact with a few people, but they find me to be somewhat of a bore because I just don't find joy in going out amongst the world anymore. My ideal Saturday night is staying home watching horror movies, eating delicious food, and staying out of people's way. I'm just too tired of trying to go out and make this miserable assed experience enjoyable. I don't find joy in anything other than making art and staying to myself. I'm done trying to hold onto friendships that either don't exist or are toxic. I'm done worrying about whether some female likes me or if I'm enough for her. I'm fucking done with this life. There is no 'best life' for me other than what I'm doing now and what I plan to do in a few months.

Mostly, I just go through the motions of life.

Same. There's nothing enjoyable about this experience anymore.

 

[Riu]

I can relate, hope you will find better days, friend.

 

[Unending]

My brain's reward system stopped working quite a long time ago. It seems like my mind is only capable of experiencing unpleasant feelings unless I happen to have just had a nice cup of coffee and some nicotine. Even then, it's not the most fulfilling of good feelings, is very short lasting, and results in the mood crash later.

 

[nosoul]

I've given up all the hobbies I used to enjoy. My TV is always on, but that's only because I live alone and have no one to talk to, so I need the sound, if that makes sense. Even when I watch the TV, I'm really not paying attention to it. Mostly, I just go through the motions of life. I can't think of anything I really enjoy anymore. Actually, anything I have to do is simply a chore. It's all hard.

Exactly how I feel, and can't eat or sleep

My brain's reward system stopped working quite a long time ago. It seems like my mind is only capable of experiencing unpleasant feelings unless I happen to have just had a nice cup of coffee and some nicotine. Even then, it's not the most fulfilling of good feelings, is very short lasting, and results in the mood crash later.

Mine just recently stopped, I only feel peace when quit dark and taken my psych meds which I hate

 

[warriorofeld]

I've given up all the hobbies I used to enjoy. My TV is always on, but that's only because I live alone and have no one to talk to, so I need the sound, if that makes sense. Even when I watch the TV, I'm really not paying attention to it. Mostly, I just go through the motions of life. I can't think of anything I really enjoy anymore. Actually, anything I have to do is simply a chore. It's all hard.

That's literally me I'll have the tv on but not watching and I'm on my phone here on the forum while it plays.. Everything else is a chore even leaving work early bc of it

 

[nosoul]

I can relate, hope you will find better days, friend.

Thank you, I think those better days will be on the other side, I'm tormented at my failures. And I'm being punished for overdoing what I thought was my cure to everything. But my mental illness, sex and rage related mania, Psychedelic use has ruined it for me.

I wish I knew I'd be successful ctbing, that's my main concern and the courage to do it.

 

[NambaSutra]

Yes, no enjoyment just long boring days where I don't do much except distract myself on my phone and feel anger and envy and hatred and anxiety all day and all night. I rarely even leave my house and also don't sleep more that about 3 hours a night with meds and wake up every day thinking "oh shit I'm still alive" as I toss and turn in my bed unable to fall back asleep.

 

[nosoul]

Yes, no enjoyment just long boring days where I don't do much except distract myself on my phone and feel anger and envy and hatred and anxiety all day and all night. I rarely even leave my house and also don't sleep more that about 3 hours a night with meds and wake up every day thinking "oh shit I'm still alive" as I toss and turn in my bed unable to fall back asleep.

Yes the sleep thing I relate to, I wake up and almost scream. Just wish I had my healthy creative brain back, but with food and sleep issues I can't but think my time is limited, and because nothing brings me joy, I feel only one difficult option to catch the bus. My 10 yr old self would be so disappointed in me as is my family

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Yeah, I can't enjoy any of my hobbies anymore (and I used to have lots) nowadays I just sit in front of the computer (like I have done countless other times) but I do not enjoy it, I just distrantly stare at the wall while trying to keep the horrible memories at bay

 

[nosoul]

Yeah, I can't enjoy any of my hobbies anymore (and I used to have lots) nowadays I just sit in front of the computer (like I have done countless other times) but I do not enjoy it, I just distrantly stare at the wall while trying to keep the horrible memories at bay

Very common theme I guess,I legit get anxious and annoyed, fear my time is soon

 

[bearcareunknown]

Everyday is autopilot.

 

[charlotte_]

This is definitely how I feel. I still feel happiness here and there, but at the end of the day, it all goes back to a state of numbness and despair. Nothing feels hopeful in my life anymore. Every single day, it's just a chain of unstoppable suicidal thoughts. I feel guilty for even feeling this way, as my situation is nowhere near bad, but I can't control it

 

[outrider567]

No, nothing--Everything is 90% less enjoyable than it was--I don't think I've laughed even once in the last 15 months since she died

 

[SpiderLink]

My body and mind are failing, I literally can't enjoy anything anymore, music shows, TV, food, can't sleep without meds, but I'm still afraid to ctb but don't know how to hang on, I'm such a huge failure and I'm a bundle of anxiety, now I feel I can't work. Just totally stuck.

I guess these are common attributes to those who wish to ctb?

My anguish is immense, I know I will die early and go senile, but still fearful of ending it but feel its my only option.

Feeling terrified, so so tired and without options.

I want to take the eternal sleep soon especially since I haven't slept in a month.

But all we can do is say sorry to each other about our situations.

I'm so done my mind is making me crazy, meds not helping.

It's very common with mental illness to feel that way

 

[chr74]

im the same, its been going on a long time where i literally dont do anything all day its horrible, i cant distract myself with anything as im not interested in anything anymore

i hope i will have the courage to take SN tomorrow morning

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is the complete opposite of enjoyable, to even suggest such a thing is insanity to me, those who want to exist in this hellish and harmful world must be so incredibly deluded, I could never wish to be trapped here enduring this unappealing and futile process just to decay from age.

To have the ability to exist in this world certainly is a burden and a curse especially as the process of life is centred around the fufillment of needs with an unmet need inevitably causing more suffering. In my case I know that life is not for me, I only wish for permanent nothingness where everything is forgotten about and I also have awareness of the fact that existence isn't worth enduring. At any moment existing could get much more unbearable so of course I see wishing to not exist as being the more logical option.

 

[myfutureismyend]

Every day it feels like living is pointless. I lost interest in everything I used to enjoy doing

 

[wiltingorchid]

That sounds tough, i also feel like this pretty much 24/7. Most time i really just want to cease to exist.

 

[Avyn]

For me, there's nothing even remotely enjoyable about being alive. I can understand why other people would enjoy certain things, but I am completely devoid of that feeling

 

[nosoul]

Every day it feels like living is pointless. I lost interest in everything I used to enjoy doing

I spend all my time now on this site, other stimulation sadly bothers me, but prob better looking to peace out. I struggle to even talk to people, but I really haven't slept in a month, only few hrs, I know insomniacs say same, but they crash,microsleep, nod off. I simply can't do that and my mental health and cognition are greatly impacted. Throw on top of that the inability to eat which is now a numb feeling, not driven internally, I've lost like 20lb of muscle in just past few weeks, writing is on wall.

 

[52yoandmiserable]

I barely sleep any more but spend as much time as possible in bed.
I used to enjoy eating but now I could not care less if I eat again. Eating is just one more chore to endure.
And perhaps the greatest loss of all is that I no longer even enjoy sex. It's just not worth the effort anymore.

 

[nosoul]

I barely sleep any more but spend as much time as possible in bed.
I used to enjoy eating but now I could not care less if I eat again. Eating is just one more chore to endure.
And perhaps the greatest loss of all is that I no longer even enjoy sex. It's just not worth the effort anymore.

I feel this, food and sex are critical but then nothing feels good, I've destroyed all my pleasure receptors sleep receptors having my brain already fade

 

[BlackWednesday]

The closer I am to CTB the less I am able to enjoy anything. Everything feels like a pointless chore

 

[esc_saveandquit]

This thread resonates with me massively. It started off by losing interest in former hobbies and interests and slowly became almost an irritability towards anything and everything.

 

[nosoul]

This thread resonates with me massively. It started off by losing interest in former hobbies and interests and slowly became almost an irritability towards anything and everything.

Exactly this, what greater sign than to ctb for me. I can't concentrate eat nor sleep, I may try SN without AEs, I don't even want to hang on

 

[immrw]

I actively avoid situations that are theoretically supposed to make me happy because it's unbearable experiencing them and still feeling nothing. I'd rather do neutral things like watch TV and forget I exist because then there's no pressure to feel anything.