Does anyone else feel like they are living in a simulation?

[Jamesbond]

For me I've been on anti depressants since I was a kid maybe 11/12 I kind of forget.
I led this amazing life, my dream job dream car(wasn't expensive but still ) then my nan hung herself looking after my grandad with dementia and my aunty with the mental age of a 9 year old. I tried to be the hero and step up to look after him them.
Since that point nothing has felt real to me.
I feel like I'm living in a simulation or some sort of virtual world.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown and being held on a police section and agreed to live in supported housing.
I was diagnosed with bp2 disorder and severe anxiety.
When my time was up at supported housing a guy I made music for insisted I came to live with him,
He looked after me so well.
Then I got my own place and I slid and I slid mentally and the services didn't want to know. But the benefits kept coming
I ended up drinking to replace the feeling of joy. And I started locking myself away
my SI got worse and worse.
Then i started noticing patterns that suggest this world is just testing me.
Endless ones before,
I went to a detox, went straight to mental health after a 3 year wait and the guy says I don't know why you're here you've just come from a detox center where they treat mental health, I was obviously gutted, came home and found a letter saying your rents going up by 50%.
But the latest was i found out my rented house was for sale by looking on right move.
Then i get the letter from the landlord saying your house is for sale 70k over market value. Lived here 16 years but thought little of it due to the price.
Then January i get some weird messages off the dwp saying I've been working and my benefits are stopped im like what the fuck,
Start drinking again, end up attempting 3/4 times, gave all my stuff away, end up getting sectioned.
20 minutes before I get sectioned I get an email saying no fault eviction.
But I don't panic because I'm going to a hospital that's a one stop shop for health.
It turns out to be a prison and acute wards in the uk say care is in the community. (Despite the welcome packs and signs on the walls saying you have a meeting every morning at 10am and have 5 therapy sessions to choose from) non of which happened.
So I'm sent home without even the meds I went in with.
The crisis team came to visit me the next day and I told them I'm suicidal. They've never come back.
I'm in this state of mind where I don't believe any of this is real.
I'm on the highest rate of benefits because my conditions are so severe but then they know I'm facing homelessness and my only way out is suicide.
I get home I try to clean my house, my mop bucket breaks, no big deal then I run the dishwasher and it leaks all over the floor I think ok I've got towels upstairs I dry it up. Clean the floor with a sponge on my hands and knees, go upstairs to fold some clothes to pack into boxes, come back downstairs and my whole kitchen is flooded
Kind of throw my iPad onto my sofa to turn of the mains, and discover the screen is smashed to bits!
I can't believe any of this is real!
I believe I'm living in a reality designed to stress test people in that environment. Kind of like the Truman show but they are pushing me and pushing me a lot further.
Sounds fucked up, can anyone relate or am I just a fucking nutter?

 

[Jamesbond]

I guess I'm just a nutter then, maybe I'm right and I'll wake up in an alternate reality. Maybe I'm wrong and the doctors shouldn't have released me!

 

[gardenoflonely]

I think I feel similar. Sometimes I wonder if this is all some type of sick joke or test, it's just unbelievable to me that all of this suffering is real and actually my life. To think that so many people are hurting so much without relief, or at least an explicit reason told.. it does make this feel simulated.

 

[Jamesbond]

I think I feel similar. Sometimes I wonder if this is all some type of sick joke or test, it's just unbelievable to me that all of this suffering is real and actually my life. To think that so many people are hurting so much without relief, or at least an explicit reason told.. it does make this feel simulated.

I've become convinced it's not real through lived experience. It's like people saying you've hit rock bottom. Every time I hit rock bottom the hole goes deeper and deeper. I'm 99% convinced this is a test and not real.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I've felt the same, except I think it's hell not a simulation. It's only when I'm in a very bad mood tho I genuinely believe it.

 

[Nolongerlive]

I always thought that i aam a NPC.

 

[Lazuli]

The pain is too real to delude myself it's some kind of simulation.

 

[bellaisdonewithlife]

Absolutely, but probably because of how I'm wired with lifelong anhedonia and depersonalization. I feel like a numb observer my whole life and like this is one big stupid play or movie that I'm just observing.

This is what Buddhism and Hinduism seem to point towards (not saying their ideas are right, but it's just interesting that they have this word for the world known as "maya," meaning an illusion or a dream).

However, if you go to a psychiatrist and tell them that you think this world is a simulation or a dream, they'll probably place you on at least a few pills and think you're crazy.

 

[SDB]

We likely do live in one , we're in some kind of creation, but not necessarily from a god claimed by world religions

 

[Jamesbond]

Absolutely, but probably because of how I'm wired with lifelong anhedonia and depersonalization. I feel like a numb observer my whole life and like this is one big stupid play or movie that I'm just observing.

This is what Buddhism and Hinduism seem to point towards (not saying their ideas are right, but it's just interesting that they have this word for the world known as "maya," meaning an illusion or a dream).

However, if you go to a psychiatrist and tell them that you think this world is a simulation or a dream, they'll probably place you on at least a few pills and think you're crazy.

Ironically not in the uk, I ended up getting sectioned for attempting several times, I was having these dreams of a woman made from wires staring at me, and when I woke up she was still there. When I was sectioned I told them everything that I was seeing this woman that I think I'm in a simulation and it was glitching.
Nothing

 

[fadedghost]

For me I've been on anti depressants since I was a kid maybe 11/12 I kind of forget.
I led this amazing life, my dream job dream car(wasn't expensive but still ) then my nan hung herself looking after my grandad with dementia and my aunty with the mental age of a 9 year old. I tried to be the hero and step up to look after him them.
Since that point nothing has felt real to me.
I feel like I'm living in a simulation or some sort of virtual world.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown and being held on a police section and agreed to live in supported housing.
I was diagnosed with bp2 disorder and severe anxiety.
When my time was up at supported housing a guy I made music for insisted I came to live with him,
He looked after me so well.
Then I got my own place and I slid and I slid mentally and the services didn't want to know. But the benefits kept coming
I ended up drinking to replace the feeling of joy. And I started locking myself away
my SI got worse and worse.
Then i started noticing patterns that suggest this world is just testing me.
Endless ones before,
I went to a detox, went straight to mental health after a 3 year wait and the guy says I don't know why you're here you've just come from a detox center where they treat mental health, I was obviously gutted, came home and found a letter saying your rents going up by 50%.
But the latest was i found out my rented house was for sale by looking on right move.
Then i get the letter from the landlord saying your house is for sale 70k over market value. Lived here 16 years but thought little of it due to the price.
Then January i get some weird messages off the dwp saying I've been working and my benefits are stopped im like what the fuck,
Start drinking again, end up attempting 3/4 times, gave all my stuff away, end up getting sectioned.
20 minutes before I get sectioned I get an email saying no fault eviction.
But I don't panic because I'm going to a hospital that's a one stop shop for health.
It turns out to be a prison and acute wards in the uk say care is in the community. (Despite the welcome packs and signs on the walls saying you have a meeting every morning at 10am and have 5 therapy sessions to choose from) non of which happened.
So I'm sent home without even the meds I went in with.
The crisis team came to visit me the next day and I told them I'm suicidal. They've never come back.
I'm in this state of mind where I don't believe any of this is real.
I'm on the highest rate of benefits because my conditions are so severe but then they know I'm facing homelessness and my only way out is suicide.
I get home I try to clean my house, my mop bucket breaks, no big deal then I run the dishwasher and it leaks all over the floor I think ok I've got towels upstairs I dry it up. Clean the floor with a sponge on my hands and knees, go upstairs to fold some clothes to pack into boxes, come back downstairs and my whole kitchen is flooded
Kind of throw my iPad onto my sofa to turn of the mains, and discover the screen is smashed to bits!
I can't believe any of this is real!
I believe I'm living in a reality designed to stress test people in that environment. Kind of like the Truman show but they are pushing me and pushing me a lot further.
Sounds fucked up, can anyone relate or am I just a fucking nutter?

I relate to it.

 

[UmbraDweller]

Yes, a really messed up one where everything and everyone is deliberately programmed to go against me.

 

[Navi]

that's real. it almost feels like some looneytoons "everything just gets worse!" moment

 

[Jamesbond]

I relate to it.

Mate today I had the most crazy experience of my life. I think I'm having a manic episode, well i guess yesterday, i was having a cigarette buy my back door and suddenly these waves of light appeared and was in the sky watching myself smoke was crazy like a glitch or something

 

[insectontrial]

Nah, you're not a nutter. You had an adverse childhood experience, and it stayed with you.

I had adverse experiences in childhood myself and I often feel distant and cut off from the world, and like it's unreal, but I could also chalk that up to the substance abuse.

I'm also on the highest rate of benefits myself and have never been able to find employment. I've accepted it won't happen for me now, as I will CTB this year.

 

[fadedghost]

Mate today I had the most crazy experience of my life. I think I'm having a manic episode, well i guess yesterday, i was having a cigarette buy my back door and suddenly these waves of light appeared and was in the sky watching myself smoke was crazy like a glitch or something

Sometimes people see flashes of light due to random retinal issues. It's not bad and may be normal. It also could be psychiatric visual disturbances.

Even if you are in a simulation, the consequences will feel real. It's not like the simulation will be less painful or pleasurable.

Perhaps you could still try to optimize your choices even if it's a simulation? And I say that as someone who is pretty sure I am in a simulation and doesn't know whether you are even real or just some NPC trying to get me to engage in the simulation.

 

[TorturedMike888]

I can relate. The gnostics believe that this physical reality is just a farm for negative entities to feed from our negative emotions. I wouldn't be surprised if it's true. It's highly abnormal for any animal to want to commit suicide, but we live in a society so broken and apathetic to our needs, that so many of us crave it.

 

[thunder_rayne]

I read everything you wrote. As I was reading your post I kept thinking this person could use a break..but it kept going!! I totally agree with you, sometimes I also think my life can't be real! Sometimes I wonder is this some hard religious test I must pass? I often wish I could have a great year, 6 months, or even would settle for a week! Nope, it keeps going...