Discussion Does anyone else feel like some people are made to CTB?

[0kcomputer]

I've always felt like I was made for this and that's all that will happen with my life. Just makes me feel like nothing i do matters anymore.

 

[L'absent]

Nothing matters. We are the ones who give value to things.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally I'm certainly not meant to suffer in this cruel, torturous existence, I should have ceased existing a while ago but really I never should have suffered at all, more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence. I see existence as a terrible mistake that just causes so much suffering and cruelty all for the sake of it, I'm always wishing to erase my existence so it's like I never suffered at all.

 

[Hotsackage]

Some people simply are not made out for natural selection, because biology completely doesn't care when it comes to who's the sufferer

 

[MollerPlesset]

I agree with you. It's like I'm always in a cycle between trying to enjoy my life or daydreaming about my dead. Today I really wanted to go and just do it. Seven days ago I was just fine. It's just ridiculous.

 

[We Are Angels]

Some lives just suck on paper, and that's all there is to it. Wish prolifers would stop trying to pretend that anyone's life can turn out good.

 

[DeathSleep]

I have felt like I will die by my own hand for a very long time. So, yes, I do feel like I was made for this. It'll probably be my biggest accomplishment. I also feel like nothing else matters anymore other than successfully CTB.

 

[affirmatice]

I don't think I was destined for CTB. But I certainly have all the natural cards that put someone at a high risk for CTB.

low self-esteem, perfectionism, high self-awareness. Nonetheless, it still required a triggering factor. For me, that triggering factor became more than I could cope with. Thus, I became suicidal.

 

[fallendevil]

Yep and I'm one of them, my mother thought she was infertile and my father never wanted children. I was a complete unprepared accident, they didn't have time to consider the repercussions because it all happened so quickly.

Also I see lots of depressing stories on Reddit about disabled children and how bad the quality of life is for them and their parents, not to mention the horrifying rape baby stories of the kids having intense urges to rape others. Scary shit.

 

[theolivanderroach]

Yeah I genuinely believe I was meant to die by my own hand. Self-fulfilling prophecy maybe.

 

[CogitoMori]

I don't think I'm meant for life. Nobody has ever liked me even when I do them no wrong, and even when I do my best to help and please them. If basic human interaction is such a struggle I think I'm just not meant to keep living as a human.

 

[Chaosire]

I have been feeling like this, since my early teens. I don't know how I made it this long, but it's not for a lack of trying.
It's even to the point where I'm kinda set on doing it myself, even though euthanasia is an option for me.
Some day I'll find the courage to commit to another attempt, and hopefully that time I'll be successful

 

[Diogenetic Ruse]

Circumstances play a significant role in ctb. Factors such as health issues, traumatic experiences, social isolation, financial stress, and relationship problems can contribute to a person's feelings of hopelessness and despair. While not the sole determinants, these circumstances can exacerbate underlying vulnerabilities and increase the risk of suicide

 

[Lost Magic]

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Sometimes I feel like even if I had a better life I'd probably still be cursed genetically. I've had more great aunts, uncles, and cousins kill themselves than most. Both my mother and father attempted multiple times, and so did my aunt. Whenever my father passed when I was a child I was almost relieved for his sake, because my father had pulled a gun on me and my grandfather and tried to shoot himself in front of us.

 

[Demi-Fiend]

Sometimes I feel like even if I had a better life I'd probably still be cursed genetically. I've had more great aunts, uncles, and cousins kill themselves than most. Both my mother and father attempted multiple times, and so did my aunt. Whenever my father passed when I was a child I was almost relieved for his sake, because my father had pulled a gun on me and my grandfather and tried to shoot himself in front of us.

Holy fuck, I'm sorry to hear about that traumatic experience. I've had a lot of suicides and murders in my bloodline, too.

As for me, I don't know. I chanted it as some stupid fucking mantra that I would make the "27" club, when something distressing happened in my life, no matter how minute it was; or when life wasn't going the way I intended. And with a sudden unexpected finding of suffering from a fucked up health disorder, from genetics and a overall crumbling quality of life, it's hard to hang in there. If anything, I feel cheated and pissed off for mourning the loss of my old life, to finding about the diagnosis so much later in life and being fed a cocktail of boleshit psychiatric medications for psychosomatic symptoms, when it was more physiological in nature.

 

[sevennn]

it's all i live for. to die

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm not made to ctb as I don't have the mental endurance for it. I'm instead made to be dead asap as I'm not compatible with this world or with this species. I'm basically like an alien here. I'm not even compatible with the people on this site as I'm just so vastly different

 

[nomoredolor]

I agree with you. It's like I'm always in a cycle between trying to enjoy my life or daydreaming about my dead. Today I really wanted to go and just do it. Seven days ago I was just fine. It's just ridiculous.

THIS is so fucking relatable


Reply to OP: How I feel

 

[ShadowedChaos]

Some are made to experience the journey and others only experience parts to come to peace with themselves and gain an understanding. In the end sometimes you just end up being a lost soul wandering a path you forgot about a long time ago searching for who you are or who you are supposed to be trying to find a semblance of peace. CTBing for some is a brutal mind wrenching battle and I believe most of it is and after the war has been fought you realize the only option is to move on. I've wanted to die for a long time from a young age and the older I grew the more I pondered on why and the reasons change but the idea never did. It always seemed a matter of time and as of late it feels like running on borrowed time while the world burns out. Maybe it's how everything ended up that led me here but I aways felt I was never meant to stick around forever. Sometimes I think I wonder if everything was different or everything was perfect would I still stick around and see it through idk maybe everything would have to be different near unrecognizable and still would I??

 

[depthss]

absolutely, ive had a pretty normal life, pretty normal upbringing, but ive always had an intense desire towards suicide for pretty much my entire life. i know its just what i was meant to die