Discussion Does anybody miss how they used to feel?

[Cyagangy]

I know this may sound odd but I kinda missed how I felt about ctb and religion earlier this year. I missed having some kind of purpose even if it meant dying in one of the top 3 worse ways for God. I dunno how everything got fine for me but I graduated and then I suddenly stopped feeling the desire to go through with my plan. Has anyone else felt this weird kinda Stockholm syndrome to there own psyche?

 

[maylurker]

yeah familiar state gives clear and predictable sense of purpose even if twisted and letting it go creates a void

 

[madeincruddy]

I think I understand, yeah. I developed an ED around Summer of 2024 and it was one of the times I felt closest to death. I was planning to die from my ED. I recovered, though, and relapses are rare + hardly last longer than two weeks. I don't really miss my ED and I have no desire to relapse, but I miss being in that place, just because it felt like death was so near

 

[StrawberryBlood]

No.

 

[Carryline]

Yes so much i would give anything to feel better again

 

[awaitinglove]

yeah, it feels like i'm mourning a part of myself. the thought of ctb brings me so much comfort

 

[Cyagangy]

I know this may sound odd but I kinda missed how I felt about ctb and religion earlier this year. I missed having some kind of purpose even if it meant dying in one of the top 3 worse ways for God. I dunno how everything got fine for me but I graduated and then I suddenly stopped feeling the desire to go through with my plan. Has anyone else felt this weird kinda Stockholm syndrome to there own psyche?

Honestly it kinda makes me wonder if I gaslit myself into doing the odd stuff I did.

yeah, it feels like i'm mourning a part of myself. the thought of ctb brings me so much comfort

I wonder what this kind of feeling is called or if it even has a name.

No.

Valid

I think I understand, yeah. I developed an ED around Summer of 2024 and it was one of the times I felt closest to death. I was planning to die from my ED. I recovered, though, and relapses are rare + hardly last longer than two weeks. I don't really miss my ED and I have no desire to relapse, but I miss being in that place, just because it felt like death was so near

Maybe that was the comfort I sought in that mindset. Knowing that the end is close brings a bunch of people comfort, do you ever feel kinda ungrateful for being out of that state? Or is it kind of like a small chapter of your life.

yeah familiar state gives clear and predictable sense of purpose even if twisted and letting it go creates a void

You have it too?

 

[maylurker]

You have it too?

not in ctb way but i experience it pretty often cuz i have a boring life so when even something small gives me a temporary purpose im not letting it go and cling to it

 

[Cyagangy]

not in ctb way but i experience it pretty often cuz i have a boring life so when even something small gives me a temporary purpose im not letting it go and cling to it

Aww that makes sense. I prefer this feeling because I hate being boring like that.