View attachment 163363
I just want to say, I think you're a great guy with a good heart, and I understand your predicament. But if your understanding is incomplete, I can tell you from experience that it is extremely important to pay attention and be willing to reconsider. That's why I am respectfully reaching out, even though I normally completely avoid this topic.
There is indeed some association with various forms of intolerance in fundamentalist Christianity. There can even be racism against Jews and/or Middle Easterners in some cases, despite this amounting to racism against Jesus himself! The literal definition of Christianity
should be a 'follower of Christ', but instead it amounts to 'belonging to some Church'. And what a big difference that is...
With billions of people identifying as Christian, and endless disputes between the countless denominations, the word has little in the way of solid definition. Those billions include some openly gay people, regular people who are practically irreligious, independent spiritual seekers who disagree with organised religion and more. Thus, I don't think this is the best analogy for the topic in question.
To me, the situation is more akin to a struggling businessman adopting an identity of 'loser' because he thinks it's literally true, then joining an Icelandic website called loser.is to indulge in a pity party with others in the same position. The short-term benefit is a sense of validation, camaraderie and a semblance of community, but the price to pay is a virtual guarantee that nothing will improve as time marches relentlessly on.
Wouldn't it make more sense to hang out with successful businesspeople, network with them and learn how they tick? Or alternatively, seek some other pathway in life? What is the strange masochistic appeal of openly rejecting genuine solutions and making it into a whole identity?
In practice, labels and words mean different things to different people. Regarding the subject matter of this thread, if the term in question is interpreted literally, that potentially lumps together a vast group of people. For example, most late-teenagers in single-sex schools, people who live in isolated regions, the imprisoned, a huge number of older people, ageing widowers, people with various disabilities and many more.
If, in practice, it is a boys-only internet club which excludes women and then complains about a lack of women, what is the benefit aside from the aforementioned validation at the cost of improvement? Furthermore, the association with historical misogynistic murderers is very real in the mind of the general public. I might add that it is also a movement that makes many normal men feel ashamed to be men.
The phenomenon of unsuccessful men - unsuccessful in any number of areas - generally begins with a lack of quality male role models when growing up. The miserable cycle of ineffective effort, escapism, poor results and self-pity continues indefinitely until a firm decision is made to change, though be warned: it gets harder with time. And turning 35, 40 and 45 while being in the same position is NOT fun.
Are there good male role models for us? I've
commented on this before and used Bruce Lee as an example. Aside from his tragic death, the incredible focus of his mind and powerful drive he displayed in all areas of his life makes him a paragon of tough, powerful yet ethical masculinity. And yes, he even found a partner. Of course, there are many other great men, though all will display these basic traits; tough as hell yet respectful towards others. Note that these qualities are the
extreme opposite of the weak, entitled, whiny aggression of the Icelandic victimhood cult.
How to apply this role model stuff in practice? If the question is genuinely engaging, a great shift has already begun. But if the compulsion is to argue back to keep the toxic old ego identification intact, then you'll have to learn what I am speaking about the hard way.
Finally, you mention that the situation is your fault. This, wisely, implies that there is such a thing as choice. Then, in turn, the situation is by definition no longer
involuntary. The whole identification mercifully breaks down at that point.
Or, if the term is being used as a slur against lonely, single men for self-flagellation purposes, please consider the collateral damage to women living with fear of violence or predation by radicalised lunatics, or for that matter, decent men who may be struggling in life, but are at least fighting hard to be the best version of themselves. I personally don't think this term has a place in our community for these reasons, hence why I do not use it.
If you want one-on-one guidance with this stuff, reach out. Changing our identifications after so many years is difficult and uncomfortable, but you can take my word: reaching an older age group having never been loved and never been true to oneself is a thousand times harder again.