This probably gets asked alot anyways:
1. What do you do to earn money?
2. How is your job affecting your wish to CTB, does it help or make it worse?
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(Vent, kinda tl.dr: i work as a security dude kind of. I would say it helps me alot, but still very depressed)
I"ve worked alot of jobs, probably 20 at this point and i'm only 29. I could only last for like a month before i had to quit and try a new job. It got to the point i attempted to ctb because i was so burned out from switching like 10 jobs in a year. I worked at 2 diffetent KFC's, Clothing Store, Bakery, Gardening, Warehouse, 2 different jobs at the airport, Dhl, Hermes, Car Factory, and more.
After my attempt i tried to not just find any job but something where i think i could last more than a month. Mostly people are my Problem. So i did my deiving license and started working at UPS as a driver. It was good. I was alone most of the time in my car delivering packages. Sure i had to talk a bit with the people i delivered the packages too but it was quick and not as stressfull as i thought. For the first time i took olanzapine too on that job for the whole yesr which helpded alot too. The job was still not easy physically so i was looking for an easier one where i could also be on my own most of the time. So i Switches to security work which Is what i do now for more than a year now. I earn good Money and i dont have to talk to anyone and i am completly on my own. Driving around in my car and closing doors n stuff. Really chill. It also helps me mentally because i dont have alot of time thinking about bad stuff. Its still depressing tho cus i work only on nightshifts and everyday its the same. I will work the Rest of the year because i have a big Trip planned in December and after that i plan to ctb. I thought if Im able to work i will be a normal human and would want to live. Im still suicidal. Still depressed. Still nothing feels good
1. What do you do to earn money?
2. How is your job affecting your wish to CTB, does it help or make it worse?
.
.
.
.
.
(Vent, kinda tl.dr: i work as a security dude kind of. I would say it helps me alot, but still very depressed)
I"ve worked alot of jobs, probably 20 at this point and i'm only 29. I could only last for like a month before i had to quit and try a new job. It got to the point i attempted to ctb because i was so burned out from switching like 10 jobs in a year. I worked at 2 diffetent KFC's, Clothing Store, Bakery, Gardening, Warehouse, 2 different jobs at the airport, Dhl, Hermes, Car Factory, and more.
After my attempt i tried to not just find any job but something where i think i could last more than a month. Mostly people are my Problem. So i did my deiving license and started working at UPS as a driver. It was good. I was alone most of the time in my car delivering packages. Sure i had to talk a bit with the people i delivered the packages too but it was quick and not as stressfull as i thought. For the first time i took olanzapine too on that job for the whole yesr which helpded alot too. The job was still not easy physically so i was looking for an easier one where i could also be on my own most of the time. So i Switches to security work which Is what i do now for more than a year now. I earn good Money and i dont have to talk to anyone and i am completly on my own. Driving around in my car and closing doors n stuff. Really chill. It also helps me mentally because i dont have alot of time thinking about bad stuff. Its still depressing tho cus i work only on nightshifts and everyday its the same. I will work the Rest of the year because i have a big Trip planned in December and after that i plan to ctb. I thought if Im able to work i will be a normal human and would want to live. Im still suicidal. Still depressed. Still nothing feels good
