Do you wish someone you love could be there when you CTB?

[Indomie89]

I wish someone that I love could be there with me when I CTB. I've been very close a few times, with my sig in my hand, loaded. All of a sudden I freeze up because I'm alone, and I wish someone I love could hold my hand or say "it's ok, you can do this". One of the difficult things about existence for me is being alone. My thoughts are really bad and go down every angle of the rabbit hole when I'm alone. I feel like if I know someone I love could be by my side like with assisted suicides in other countries, I would be more calm, relaxed. I'm a very gentle person and I hate that my main option is something so violent and lonely. I wish someone could be by my side.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I can totally understand this. I'd very much like to have someone there myself, but I'd be terrified they'd face action for 'assisting me'. I couldn't do it to them.

 

[LastFlowers]

I've always leaned toward doing it alone.
I see it as a rather intimate and personal act.
I don't want any outside influence..although I am angry that I don't actually have any choice in the matter, that I couldn't have someone there if I wanted to..or if such a loved one even existed to support me.
I am quite sick and tired of having to be the only one who has to bear witness to the majority of my suffering, of which the dying process could also fall under.
My method is not instantaneous.

But what really bothers me is that I have nobody to be there for me outside of the day I die..I am alone in my suffering and torment.
Forever and always, especially with those relative to me.
Denied the right to speak on it or to so much as receive sympathy, which even lesser things are generously afforded.
I'm SO tired..I'm SO angry..I am defeated..yet I think, somehow, miraculously, there exists some type of 'fight' in me..leftovers full of hatred and readiness to attack and destroy and assert the significance of my own suffering.
Unfortunately, life won't honor me the type of battle I have the means to fight..so this fervor of mine has nowhere to go.
My problems are the type where it becomes futile..like swatting and thrashing into poisonous air…into my own flesh.
If only that poison would solidify and morph itself into a ball, a beast outside of myself, an opponent I could look in the eye and fight to a bloody pulp..or until it kills me.
At least I'd have the chance to exchange blows rather than have my limbs tied and my mouth gagged, a human punching bag.


Anyway, back from my tangent…it is unfair that you do not have the option that you seek.
If you didn't have to fear the consequences (of which there should be none) then you would be able to freely ask your loved one to be by your side.
I mean..things are bad enough, and to be denied such a comfort at the very end..that is criminal.

 

[TydalWave]

I definitely would have done the act (easy for me to say) if I had someone I loved supporting me in the moment.

Something about the idea of going out alone is a real blocker for me. I came to accept it before, and maybe I will again. But personally, I don't think anyone (who doesn't want to be alone) deserves to experience this alone. Unfortunately the sad reality is our society plagues this loving and supportive act as criminal. And it just isn't a remote possibility with the people I love in my life.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Only if I was being euthanized by a physician legally. Then it would be nice to have someone with me that I care about enough to say goodbye to. They can't get in trouble if it's legal and they're not the one helping me die, but if neither of those things are possible, then I probably have to be alone for this. The best we've got is to say goodbye here and hope for the best unfortunately, but it doesn't feel like enough.

 

[Unending]

I'd probably prefer to ctb alone. I agree with the other poster who said that they see it as an intimate and personal act. I have had an overwhelming amount of thought put into dying and feel like this is something that should just be for me. I feel like having others there would make it less peaceful and possibly make it unpleasant.

I'm aware that dying isn't completely comfortable for most but I would prefer if my ctb was as close to comfortable as possible. Another thing: considering that most of my despair has social roots, I just really don't want to take the risk of allowing someone else in on the process (not that anyone would want to be allowed into it.)

 

[LifeCanBeCruel]

I would but the law makes it impossible.

If the law were to change, I'd like them to be there, but I wouldn't blame them if they would rather not. Watching somebody you love die can be extremely traumatic and it's not for everyone. I'll probably just read a Discord chat while I lose consciousness then die.

 

[clueless2dayor2morro]

first i want to start, and i don't think that it's against the violations of the rules to do so (but please someone remind me if it is), but your suicide doesn't have to be violent and messy. there's methods where it doesn't have to be. it can be peaceful, even if it has to be alone.

but, as i posted in another thread, i do deeply feel this sentiment and i dream of a world where we have accepted that existing is painful and that assisted suicide/euthanasia is an option for anyone at any point in life. i dream of being able to peacefully pass away in the warm arms of friends that i love talking to and just talking to them while i pass away into a deep sleep.

its painful to attempt suicide alone (although i highly am against finding someone on any forum to do it with; actually a year or two ago there was a news article where there were deceitful people who hurt suicidal people under the guise of providing company in their attempted last moments, from this site specifically) because i feel like theres a wish for things to be different, for there to be no need to do this but reality sort of sinks in. when i've attempted, i had this nagging hope that maybe i could change things or maybe if i had help i could feel differently. i'm recovering right now, so maybe i shouldn't even be posting in this thread.

but i do beg you to not end things so violently unless you know someone will try to end you in an even more violent way or cause you even more suffering than the method you described. i don't know what a sig is, but from the context i'm guessing it's a gun. guns aren't the best or most peaceful or sometimes not even the most immediate way to end things for yourself.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I suppose it depends how 'in favour' they were of the process. I think the ONLY way anyone would actually support me would be if I was obviously terminally ill and in chronic pain. Which, I'm not.

I can't imagine the people in my life ever getting around to the idea that this is something they should support (in my current state.) I think they would feel compelled to try and stop me- or- they would be extremely upset if I did it in front of them. Which wouldn't help either of us. As it is- I just feel like I will need to try and minimize the impact as much as possible.

I feel utterly heartbroken for people in pain who have to hide away from their families and suffer alone. People more like me are isolated. Our families may not even know of our wishes. For me, it's not a realistic wish- even if there weren't legal ramifications for them. Still- I do understand why people yearn for this.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I have a feeling a love one being there would make it all the more difficult to go through with it.

 

[Anzhe]

If I had someone I loved, I wouldn't want to commit suicide. When you love someone, you want to be with that person as much time as possible because it gives you joy and pleasure. Nothing and no one gives me pleasure and joy in this is the reason for my desire to commit suicide. I'm tired of constant nausea from everything and everyone

 

[UKscotty]

No way, why put them in the position.

Only person to CTB with would be a partner who is going too.

 

[outrider567]

She can't be with me, she's been dead for a year

 

[FuneralCry]

I just want to die alone, far away from any people in a peaceful way. I don't wish for anybody else to be there and never could do. It's always for the best that I'm alone and I want my last moments to be only mine.

 

[theboy]

if is a ctb pact, yes

 

[hopelessoceanic25]

The thought of being alone in my last moments is truly terrifying and heartbreaking. But I'd rather I be alone than having to have a loved one witness me literally end my life in front of them. That's got to be traumatizing.

It's traumatizing as it is for people who have seen total strangers jump into train tracks. Can you imagine having a loved one watch you die?