Discussion Do you want to kill yourself because of mental or behavioral problems?

[ultrasharpy123456]

For example, I don't know how to behave myself and ruin any relationships I'm in (non-romantic relationships). Also I'm afraid for my future and I'm not meant to live this long so I tend to act strange these days. I've also been abused and went through trauma but I also did some stupid shit and said things I shouldn't have said and done things I shouldn't have done (no one was harmed by me, but rather it was my lack of action that caused the problems).

 

[suicidalloser]

no—i just want to die

 

[day]

Mentally I am unwell, physically everyday kinda sucks. There's plenty of reasons as to why I want to CTB but the mental and physical ones are the most prominente to me.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Both mental and behavioural problems.
I began suffering from clinical depression age 6, due to sexual abuse. The PTSD and depression lead to behavioural problems.
They are just one of many reasons I want to CTB.
Both mental and behavioural problems.
I began suffering from clinical depression age 6, due to sexual abuse. The PTSD and depression lead to behavioural problems.

 

[Pluto]

I suppose it could be looked at either way. I definitely have mental and behavioural problems. There's also a feeling of exhaustion from trying ten times harder than other people with one tenth to show for it. Low quality of life. Take your pick.

 

[MrDarkness]

I ruin everything I touch and graze, I fucking suck at everything, I ruin every friendship I'm in, I'll never find love etc
I'd be better off dead and forgotten

 

[WetBallJones]

For example, I don't know how to behave myself and ruin any relationships I'm in (non-romantic relationships). Also I'm afraid for my future and I'm not meant to live this long so I tend to act strange these days. I've also been abused and went through trauma but I also did some stupid shit and said things I shouldn't have said and done things I shouldn't have done (no one was harmed by me, but rather it was my lack of action that caused the problems).

Girlfriend left me because i am so anxious i scared her away. I have no outlook on my future. about to graduate college and it feels like the end of the line. every day i wake up and just wait for the day to be over. i have nobody to turn to, i feel alone. i feel unworthy of being loved and all i want in life is love. i let everyone down and will never amount to anything and i don't want to wait and see

 

[Kerrtu]

I think I'm finally at a place or point in my life where I'm sincerely alright with letting go - PTSD has made life a living hell, yes. And being sick these past 6 months has been brutal. If I catch myself in the mirror, I don't recognize the face staring back. Purple streaks under my eyes - gaunt.

That said, four decades has been more than enough time for me. I think of my former brother in law; he was such a great guy, studying marine biology in Greece. Around Christmas time many years back, he developed a cough and it persisted to the point the doctors thought he had tuberculosis. It turned out he, at the age of 26, had a tumor on his heart which was cancer and nothing could be done. He died on my former mother in laws birthday.

Coughing in December, and he was gone by April. If I could've given him my life, my organs, anything to have him back again, I would. I shouldn't be here, he should. He didn't know he was going to die. At the end, he could barely talk, and was using a note pad to ask questions, etc.

The last question he asked was "When will I wake up?"

 

[MrSpacebound]

Mental and behavioral both, I had anxiety since childhood but it was undiagnosed because of lack of awareness in my country (India) even I was not aware of it. So it hit me hard when I went to college and I started skiping classes and exams due to anxiety and I started searching job and I was not able to sit in interview used to runaway or not able to speak. Which gave me depression and depression headache so I went to a physician who then sent me to a psychiatrist and then I got aware of it. Anyways my life is a mess was not able to pursue my career and financial not doing good. I'm a failure to my parents and so I started gambling to make money and now I'm in ton of debt so this is my behavioral problem.

 

[liljeep]

It's because of my history of abuse from parents that has continued in different ways into today... but also that. Just naming mental and not developmental disorders; I have PTSD, BPD, DID, social anxiety, and some phobias. (All diagnosed issues) I am forever plagued by a distrust of people and tendencies of feeling very apathetic and becoming extremely resentful toward even the people closest to me. I feel like a stray cat sometimes. I expect to be hurt, shy away from people, and no amount of attention or 'bribery' (in the form of affection, promises, or caretaking behavior) will ever get anyone my full trust. I am very broken and I don't think this is something remediable by any amount of therapy or growing up.

I take Klonopin 2mg daily but otherwise avoid psych medications besides stimulants, as they make me feel so numb and have destroyed me in other ways (given me PSSD, if you do not know what that is please look it up). I'm not willing to zombify myself to be more palatable to others even if a lot of borderlines think that is in their best interest. I don't think any psych med is capable of just 'helping' (reducing irritability/depression) without reducing someone's ability to feel happiness or love too. I'm not interested.

 

[HopefulSleep]

Mental Problems

 

[wetbuschaser]

Yeah, undiagnosed ADHD/executive dysfunction led to failing school/work & lying to parents about it + autism led to bullying and then worse, ignored with zero friends or bullies.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Mine are more situational problems that I would find it very difficult to fix because of behavioural issues- mostly social anxiety problems and confidence issues. Plus, I've pretty much lost the will to fight now.