Never. Truth be told I know many people would be happy with my life as it is on the surface, however the lived experiences, mental anguish, and many other factors always lead me back here. Money, material objects, and other comfort items are not indicators of a "good life" though. At the end of the day, and through the duration of every day, I am the one who has to experience "life", and it being my life, I should have a say complete say in how I choose to live it or end it.
It is not an easy subject to talk about, but at the same time it is an option that is often used on animals for less compelling reasons.
I do not understand why society views euthanasia, either self administered or professional administered is such a controversial issue.
I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember (15-17 years), and it often impacts the quality of life and makes it difficult to keep a job or work steadily.
I have been hospitalized 4 times for suicidal ideations and have been on medications for practically my entire life. The heavy reliance on medication is a clear indicator of a poor quality of life too.
When it comes to mental health, mental health should be viewed and treated as physical health, but people with declining mental health, should be extended options for alternative treatments as long as the patient has shown that treatment has not been effective over a prolonged period of time.
The world is continually becoming more confusing and it's hard to make sense of anything. When I go out and see the world the only thing I look forward too is sleep. Fighting the alarm and wishing for more sleep is often part of the routine as well.
I often look back into the past makes it challenging to believe anything anyone says, and looking to the future will never restore this either. 13+ years of therapy hasn't exactly helped either. It has helped in delaying the inevitable though.
I've considered many methods too, assaying the accessibility, survival rates, survival outcomes, and potential impacts to others. The impact to others is minimal, and one perspective that I feel is fair to discuss is selfish intentions.
I feel it is selfish to expect someone to do something (in this example staying alive regardless of health and quality of life, but there are infinitely more examples that are equally applicable too) just so that someone else is happy and comfortable.
So is my life objectively worse than others, I say no. But it is also fair to make claim that no one's life can be objectively worse than an others simple because life is a subjective experience, and the experience is exclusive to its holders.
If I had an object that made me unhappy, and caused me great discomfort, and rational person would tell me to get rid of it, and conversely if I had an animal I was no longer able to take care of I would have to make the hard decision and find it a new home. Yes the animal is still alive, but then consideration to the impact on the animal would be a rational thing to do too. Could I still provide the care it needs and deserves and would the rehoming cause greater distress and long term harm and complications. If the answer to the later is yes then further investigation would have to be conducted. It the answer to the first is yes then rehoming is not required.
So to conclude, I don't even believe that one's life being objectively worse should even be a consideration or a qualification. Yes some people will make a breakthrough and come out fine, and these are the people we should focus on protecting, but people who do not make progress and have shown continual regression should not be forced to continue through something that causes pain. My mental pain often manifests in to physical pain so intense that I can briefly loose consciousness, and closing my eyes tight can temporarily relieve the pain. It's not a consideration I make. It's my life, and a decade plus of time has shown me that the best I can expect is a life I'd still rather not live. I don't want people to worry about when it's going to happen anymore, and I just wish I could have their blessing and them know it was never their fault, and they did as much as and even more then they ever could of done to help. It is okay, I promise.
I know there is "so much to live for" but I have lived enough, and the only thing I have been living for is to eat and work. If I knew for certain the results were a 100% I would start to put all my affairs in order and set up a peaceful passing. I cannot do this anymore. I am sorry.
