Discussion Do you think your end will be calm and peaceful?

[Empty Smile]

I'll be wondering what happens when I do go to sleep forever.

As Lita Ford and Ozzy sing:

If I close my eyes forever, will it all remain unchanged?

If I close my eyes forever, will it all remain the same?

We will never know because we will be gone.....

 

[Tequilamockingbird]

I'm using N so I hope it's peaceful and painless.

 

[dolphin]

I think I'll be crying hysterically.

 

[bigj75]

we gotta keep taking the steps of research to ensure we ctb in the most peaceful way. painless and quick is what we all need.

 

[Mljonzy]

I have tried to end it all one time and on my way to the place i was doing it was about 40 minutes away i felt so relieved all the way there just calm and relaxed but in the end i just couldn't beat the survival instinct. Other than that everything else is hell.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I will know when I get there.

 

[Rocksandsand]

When I overdosed, but before I was found and resuscitated, the sense of calm was amazing. I finally felt at peace.

But that's not what actually happened, that's just where my memory cuts out.

SI is a strong fucking beast. I messaged a goodbye message to my partner, and he clued on to what I was doing. He called my mobile and I answered. I have no recall of the conversation or even sending the message - I was out of it on benzos, and probably dissociated - but apparently he asked me what I had done and if I actually wanted to die and I started crying and asking him to call an ambulance to my house.

So, it's interesting... My last recollection of that time is feeling completely at peace with dying. But apparently I wasn't? I still think longingly of the feeling of complete calm before my memory ends. My overdose was on propranolol, verapamil, imipramine, metoclopramide, stemetil, codeine, and diazepam. I was resuscitated in hospital but kept in an induced coma while my body metabolised the drugs.

I was so angry when I woke up to find I had survived, and angrier to find out that it was my fault.

 

[thrwaway99]

Depends on what my method will end up being. If it's opioids then yeah, most likely.

 

[Faraway1990]

I mean many are looking for peaceful and pain free methods, but apart from that. I keep reading about people planning to listen to one last song or enjoy something for the last time or contemplate something nice from their past before they make their final exit from the stage of life.

Do you actually think you'll be calm and collected in the end and look forward to death?

For some I can imagine that, like those who are in constant pain or have a terminal illness and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe it will be like that for them.

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

What kind are you?

When a couple weeks ago I was going to CTB (and the only thing that could stop me just miraculously came from nowhere did) I was calm had my favourite playlist playing etc I was truly at ease with my choice. Through events I've decided to give life another chance but am ready to CTB whenever I decide that the attempt to live in this clown world isn't worth it and when I decide that I will be at complete ease I'll watch my favourite movie and then go out listening to music.

 

[GeorgeJL]

Yes my end of life will be peaceful because I have N. The king of euthanasia drugs.

 

[cornflowerblue]

Physically, yes. Emotionally, not at all. I'll be thinking about all of the stress and hurt I'm passing on to my loved ones and feeling guilty that I didn't choose to stay alive for them.

 

[bigj75]

Physically, yes. Emotionally, not at all. I'll be thinking about all of the stress and hurt I'm passing on to my loved ones and feeling guilty that I didn't choose to stay alive for them.

man its hard but they shouldn't put their happiness on you. that's selfish. your happiness is number 1.

 

[cornflowerblue]

man its hard but they shouldn't put their happiness on you. that's selfish. your happiness is number 1.

They don't at all. The guilt is my own, not from statements by others.

 

[262653]

If everything goes as planned, my end will be ecstatic.

 

[Vegrau]

I don't want to die. But the circumstances is simply unpleasant for me to keep on living. I don't expect it to be painless. Considering my sins. As long as I die quickly. I don't really mind it anymore.

 

[Numbtopain97]

I hope so

 

[RecycledAtoms]

I mean many are looking for peaceful and pain free methods, but apart from that. I keep reading about people planning to listen to one last song or enjoy something for the last time or contemplate something nice from their past before they make their final exit from the stage of life.

Do you actually think you'll be calm and collected in the end and look forward to death?

For some I can imagine that, like those who are in constant pain or have a terminal illness and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe it will be like that for them.

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

What kind are you?

I think that last sentence if true for most of us. Although I can't speak for everyone, I don't think anyone truly "wants" to die. It's just that there comes a point where we realize there is no point in continuing to fight something that will obviously never change. It's like choosing to jump from a burning building to avoid being consumed by flames.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I'll use SN. I hope so. I can stand the pain if there is.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Well, I have everything I need for the SN route, so here's to a peaceful departure!

 

[Kodama]

Physically, yes. Emotionally, not at all. I'll be thinking about all of the stress and hurt I'm passing on to my loved ones and feeling guilty that I didn't choose to stay alive for them.

+1 :(

 

[Sweet emotion]

I would think so with all the medication I have. I'm going to put my favorite movie on or whatever I feel like listening to and just drift off and never wake up.

 

[CrushedHopes]

Yep. I'm exiting via SN, after all. It's definitely going to be peaceful.

 

[woxihuanni]

No, no peace. Not living, not dying. If there were a god, I would kick them in the nuts. My life is a joke in terrible taste.

Ahah, and passing on the pain? Right. Sure. I will leave champagne in the fridge to pop once they discover they've got rid of me at last. And then off running to try and get a pity fuck out of Ferme, maybe. Though that thing is otherwise in use, but whatever they can stomach...

 

[Hollow men]

There has been two times in my life where I was convinced I was going to die, and I have never felt as peaceful as I felt in those moments. Maybe I'm romanticising it, but I hope to feel like that when I ctb.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I've been passing my deadlines for months now. Logically I know that death is the only possible solution. There are just too damn many problems and many of them can't be resolved in any way. I hate how it's come to this. I got an email today from my lawyer that got me highly distressed such that I'm trembling now. Isn't it nice that he works even on Independence Day to distress me? No logical reason why I should be upset by it given that I had already 100% settled on death. The reason I worry is because now my future is even more horrifying, and I fear that I will linger on to experience that future. I thought I'd be calm once I settled upon death, since the suicide "experts" all say that you can tell someone is about to CTB when they go from distressed to displaying a total calm. It makes sense that one might be calm before death since they have decided on death and they've accepted that decision, ending the distress of debating between life & death. Sadly, it does't work that way. At least it doesn't for me.

I'm one of those calm dudes. I've been secretly distressed for a few years, now I'm just tying loose ends as if I was planning a trip to Hawaii.

If my body is found, nobody will be able to believe it was ctb despite the evidence.

I have a very bad anxiety disorder, so I'll probably be a nervous wreck- hopefully benzos will help with that.
I want to do SN but am a little nervous and waiting for Nitschke to come out with some more information on it..

We're in the same boat. I have terrible social anxiety that I'm very good at hiding. I've been seeing people as mindless adversaries for years now. It's really exhausting to view everyone with suspicion including spouses.

I'm extremely tired of the efforts at camouflaging it. People still think I'm emotionally unavailable. I guess for the first time I've met a forum where I can just be myself. Thanks for sharing this.

 

[RecycledAtoms]

I'm one of those calm dudes. I've been secretly distressed for a few years, now I'm just tying loose ends as if I was planning a trip to Hawaii.

If my body is found, nobody will be able to believe it was ctb despite the evidence.

We're in the same boat. I have terrible social anxiety that I'm very good at hiding. I've been seeing people as mindless adversaries for years now. It's really exhausting to view everyone with suspicion including spouses.

I'm extremely tired of the efforts at camouflaging it. People still think I'm emotionally unavailable. I guess for the first time I've met a forum where I can just be myself. Thanks for sharing this.

I hear ya on the social anxiety thing. It is exhausting, as you say, to view people that way. I am always suspicious and "on guard".

By the way, I love your icon haha.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

I hear ya on the social anxiety thing. It is exhausting, as you say, to view people that way. I am always suspicious and "on guard".

By the way, I love your icon haha.

Thanks. It's my favourite method. My method, my icon. I've been on guard against everyone all my life. I'm just sick of it.

 

[RecycledAtoms]

Thanks. It's my favourite method. My method, my icon. I've been on guard against everyone all my life. I'm just sick of it.

I prefer CO method as well. It's the most practical in my opinion. I think inert-gas asphyxiation via nitrogen would be most ideal, but too many things can go wrong in the set-up and execution (no pun intended lol).

I have a portable charcoal grill that I will use if decide to CTB. Get a rental car and drive to an undisclosed location, and....

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Not at all. If I did, I'd have gone LONG ago. I appreciate access to the catalog of methods, but I don't have enough faith in any to provide a peaceful, for me, exit. Each has risks and we individually carry those risks.

 

[RecycledAtoms]

Not at all. If I did, I'd have gone LONG ago. I appreciate access to the catalog of methods, but I don't have enough faith in any to provide a peaceful, for me, exit. Each has risks and we individually carry those risks.

That's the main thing that discourages me from CTB. As you say, each method carries it's own unique risks. Also, I don't want to destroy my family and possibly cause someone else to follow. It wouldn't be good for my young nephew to have an aunt that killed herself. I know my suicide would destroy people 10,000 times worse than I am feeling right now and I simply can't do that. UGH!