Discussion Do you think your end will be calm and peaceful?

[dreamsofdestruction]

I mean many are looking for peaceful and pain free methods, but apart from that. I keep reading about people planning to listen to one last song or enjoy something for the last time or contemplate something nice from their past before they make their final exit from the stage of life.

Do you actually think you'll be calm and collected in the end and look forward to death?

For some I can imagine that, like those who are in constant pain or have a terminal illness and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe it will be like that for them.

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

What kind are you?

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I feel resigned. I know I'll be psychologically crippled for as long as I live. It's either suicide or living this way for the next 50 years. I wish I could live without pain, but that's nothing more than an unattainable fantasy.

 

[jake3d]

I wish I could live without pain, but that's nothing more than an unattainable fantasy.

I feel you.

For me, I think it's going to hurt a bit (i'm going with SN) but i've got a feeling i've been thru worse.

 

[deltahead]

it will be awkward, embarassing, gross and probably painful, as much as i want to think otherwise.

 

[marcusuk63]

Obviously i would want it calm and peaceful as we all do but i think i`ll be in the quivering mess camp

 

[LifeIsACurse]

I think my end will be calm, because I'm not putting any deadlines or specific dates. Whatever day I decide to ctb, I know I'll be completely ready to do it... Unless SI kicks in.

 

[TimeToDie]

I've been passing my deadlines for months now. Logically I know that death is the only possible solution. There are just too damn many problems and many of them can't be resolved in any way. I hate how it's come to this. I got an email today from my lawyer that got me highly distressed such that I'm trembling now. Isn't it nice that he works even on Independence Day to distress me? No logical reason why I should be upset by it given that I had already 100% settled on death. The reason I worry is because now my future is even more horrifying, and I fear that I will linger on to experience that future. I thought I'd be calm once I settled upon death, since the suicide "experts" all say that you can tell someone is about to CTB when they go from distressed to displaying a total calm. It makes sense that one might be calm before death since they have decided on death and they've accepted that decision, ending the distress of debating between life & death. Sadly, it does't work that way. At least it doesn't for me.

 

[littlelady774]

I have a very bad anxiety disorder, so I'll probably be a nervous wreck- hopefully benzos will help with that.
I want to do SN but am a little nervous and waiting for Nitschke to come out with some more information on it..

 

[LaBrava]

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

This describes me right now.

 

[Pilum Muralis]

I'm hoping mine will be peaceful. In my mind it will be, but when actually trying to implement my plan, I'll probably be a mix of emotions. Sad, happy, excited, nervous...scared. I'm really frightened of dying. But I have a kit, all vacuum sealed, and a stash of money to get me where I want to be. I want to die in a forest. My happiest memories were camping with my parents. I want to be surrounded by nature, and fade away. I don't care if I'm found or not. Hopefully not. My in-laws don't need closure.

 

[LaBrava]

I guess further to my comment, if I do decide to definitely CTB I need to try to be at a point where I'm at peace as best I can be with it. We all have to die some day, but it's one thing to always know this factually and to make empty statements about it when it's something somewhere in the future, it's something else to experience it as a reality.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

Not sure how peaceful a shotgun going off in my mouth is gunna be lol...just wish I could fall asleep in bed all warm and comfy and never wake up.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Honestly I don't think anyone can end their own lives feeling completely peaceful. This goes totally against our most important instinct, and there will always be some degree of anxiety or fear of the unknown, specially if you had grown in a religious family and had ever considered the possibility that hell exists. There's also the regret that things couldn't have been better, and the suffering of knowing the impact your death will have on others. Unless you're in an abnormal mental state when you ctb, you will never be completely fine with death, but to which degree you are accepting of it depends of the person. In my case, I think my final day will be terrifying. All the emotions I had suppressed for the last years will come out all at once as they did in my failed attempt, and when the moment comes I'll have cried so much that I'll become numb emotionally and then I'll wait for death in pain. To make things worse, my chosen method (SN) isn't exactly painless, and I might spend my last minutes with the worst headache of my life and even have seizures, so not exactly an ideal death. I suppose I could distract myself from the pain by describing my experience to the SS community. That would make me feel a little better with myself as I would be doing some good with my suicide.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I mean many are looking for peaceful and pain free methods, but apart from that. I keep reading about people planning to listen to one last song or enjoy something for the last time or contemplate something nice from their past before they make their final exit from the stage of life.

Do you actually think you'll be calm and collected in the end and look forward to death?

For some I can imagine that, like those who are in constant pain or have a terminal illness and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe it will be like that for them.

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

What kind are you?

Well, I was calmer than I expected during my last failed attempt (I made it over the railing of the bridge but a guy came out of nowhere and physically stopped me from pushing back). I had to fly to the location. I cried in the airport but then calmed down. (Wine helped....).

I had my last meal and lots of drinks in a pub. Cried a little. Cried some more when I had trouble getting a cab. But when I walked to the bridge from the spot where the cab dropped me off, I felt immediately at peace as soon as I saw the lights of the bridge.

Once I got on that bridge, I was calm, steady, and purposeful. I stopped right in the middle of the bridge. Right beside the "call for help" phone. I looked at the phone and thought "ok, this is your last chance to back out...". And then I thought "nope, this is what I want".

I climbed up and over the railing in one swift motion. (Surprising, given how fat I am). I looked down. Even though it was 2am and pitch black, I could see the ocean swirling below. I could see the city lights reflecting off the water. And I felt nothing but peace. It was like coming home.

And then this guy came out of nowhere and grabbed my shoulders from the other side of the bridge. I tried to push back off the railing but he pulled me closer to the railing and begged me to climb back over. I told him I couldn't even if I wanted to, and he managed to pull me back over the railing. (then police were called and I was unceremoniously dumped at the nearest psych ward, and then sent to a psych ward in the city where I live).

I plan to go back to the bridge once I am out. I hope that the same sense of serenity is there on that bridge again. (and what are the chances of a Good Samaritan appearing out of nowhere for the second time?). I know the method I have chosen is going to hurt A LOT, but then it will be over. And that is where I find peace. In knowing it will be over and I can rest.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I mean many are looking for peaceful and pain free methods, but apart from that. I keep reading about people planning to listen to one last song or enjoy something for the last time or contemplate something nice from their past before they make their final exit from the stage of life.

Do you actually think you'll be calm and collected in the end and look forward to death?

For some I can imagine that, like those who are in constant pain or have a terminal illness and there's absolutely nothing that can be done. Maybe it will be like that for them.

But for me, I'm one of those who actually kinda would want to live, I just can't figure out how. I think I'll be a total quivering mess in the end, it will be tearful and I'll have to summon all my willpower and remind myself of the absolutely worst things in my life so I'll be able to go through with it.

What kind are you?

We all want that calm, peaceful end, where like Yoda in Return of the Jedi we just curl up and fade away.
Some of me thinks the death I get will be the one I deserve, not the one I want.
I think the odds are I will die in fear and agony full of hate and bitterness... Probably explains why I'm still here.
DBD

 

[Empty Smile]

I'll be laying in my tent with the charcoal burning, my headphones on, and Pink Floyd playing my favorite songs as I drift off into the dark abyss.

At least that's what I'm hoping for.

 

[Subhuman]

For a long time I had a mental list of things I wanted to do before I die. Either experience something I never got around to for the first time or even just do my favorite things on the days leading up to my death. Right now though I'm just so tired. Mentally and physically. I'm so sick and tired I don't even care about any of those things. Maybe they'd bring me some joy but it's such a negligible amount I can't bring myself to care any more. I feel like I've been alive forever and I'm just so ready to die.

I don't know if I'd call it peacefulness. I know I'll break down and cry before I do it, but I'll be more sad about how awful my life has been, not about the fact that it's over. I really look forward to it being over.

 

[Jean Améry]

Yes. If I do it it will be in the best possible circumstances with the best possible means. I do not plan on suffering so I'll do everything in my power to prevent that. Even if there is suffering it will likely be shortlived and once one is dead nothing will matter anymore.

I don't get this fretting about the supposed necessity of suffering when it comes to self-inflicted death. Either one does it or one doesn't. Aslong as one doesn't do it there's no reason to be upset about it. If one does decide to do it reason should provide us with the best possible death. Like Seneca said: why frighten yourself with things that haven't happened yet? If the time comes I'll remember many have done this before me and in far worse circumstances. I'll also reflect on death being the end to all suffering and review my preparations thoroughly. I will then read philosophy and meditate to get into the right mindset. Then I'll do what needs to done. Whatever happens after that I'll have no control over.

If I'll still suffer fate is an even crueler bitch than I imagined but if I'm going to imagine the worst (however unlikely) I might aswell refrain from suicide and live.

Like the Stoics taught we humans have a tendency to imagine the worst and make ourselves suffer far more than necessary.

 

[Soul]

Actually not everyone wants a peaceful death - some want dramatic, traumatizing, unforgettable and/or painful exits. Maybe some of them are romanticizing a bit, or underestimating the body's determination to live despite what the mind has decided - but I digress.

I don't imagine I'll be calm or courageous, unfortunately. I'd like to be like my "status line" (which I owe to John Hurt), or like John Berryman waving at passers-by after he jumped, or even like George Harrison who spent 20 minutes struggling with a homicidal intruder and was chanting the whole time. (George didn't die then, bless him, and I'm not Hindu, but that presence of faith impressed me.)

I'll probably be weepily sorry for myself.

 

[riverstyx]

I think it's impossible to know before you've arrived at that moment.

I think I will feel anxious and maybe scared. Death is final and forever, but still completely unavoidable in the long run.

I envy those people who die in their sleep or collapse on the street from a ruptured aneurysm. They never knew what hit them.

I have to go into the long dark sleep with both eyes open.

No matter how brave you are theres bound to be some apprehension.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I'm hoping to be calm and determined. It will be sad and upsetting but I can't see any other way. I'll be wondering what happens when I do go to sleep forever.

Nobody knows I want to ctb other than you guys. If I decide to use the SN I have, I guess from what I've read there will be some pain with a bad headache. But I've suffered with migraines all my life. So maybe nothing new to me?

 

[ladolcemorte]

I think it's impossible to know before you've arrived at that moment.

I think I will feel anxious and maybe scared. Death is final and forever, but still completely unavoidable in the long run.

I envy those people who die in their sleep or collapse on the street from a ruptured aneurysm. They never knew what hit them.

I have to go into the long dark sleep with both eyes open.

No matter how brave you are theres bound to be some apprehension.

A ruptured aneurysm would be great!!!! I wonder if there's a way to give yourself an aneurism? Probably not.

 

[Soul]

A ruptured aneurysm would be great!!!! I wonder if there's a way to give yourself an aneurism? Probably not.

Check on Craig's List?

 

[SinisterKid]

The pain is in the living, the peace is in the dying.

It will be calm and peaceful, just like last time only this time, there will be no mistakes.

 

[SelfHatingAspie]

I'll do what I can to make my journey as calm and peaceful as possible (over the counter drugs, alcohol, soothing music etc), but I have a feeling I'll end up crying myself to sleep for the last time.

 

[wanttodie]

I hope so

 

[bigj75]

I'm hoping it's peaceful.

 

[TAW122]

I believe my death (if/when it comes) will likely be quick and painless, but will be really messy. I don't live in a place where assisted suicide is legal (I live in the US and in a state where death with dignity is not even legal, yet.). Even in places where assisted suicide is legal, I don't qualify for it. I am going to CTB via the firearm as it's the best method I have in terms of reliability. People will always be sad no matter what method I choose, but the least I can do is to be as considerate as possible by doing it in a remote place and away from loved ones.

 

[crimea_river]

I've generally had pretty shitty luck, so although yes I hope it will be, anything that could go wrong would.

What's of paramount importance to me, is the probability factor. If it's worked well for others, I might slip through and luck in. But maybe that's just the optimist in me talking

 

[inconsequential]

It depends on a number of circumstances, but considering my luck... it likely won't be too peaceful.

If I live, it's painful physically and psychologically.

If I CTB, it will likely be painful in one or both ways.

Flip a coin.