I've been doing much better after breaking up with my last (and final) girlfriend some time ago. Even during that sick relationship I knew I need to be permanently single but it took some time before I managed to break all contact from that psycho stalker. I was more suicidal and in a very bad way, like with a serious risk of rushing it unprepared, etc. She also almost got me killed twice during that relationship so thanks but no, thanks. I had few other girlfriends before her and I know it's not for me, it's a pity I realized that so late. Should have let go the crazy idea after the first one, but now I'm finally free.
More trouble than it's worth sometimes!
BipolarExpat
Accomplished faker
- May 30, 2019
- 698
No one is perfect! Never say never, people can do far worse than you @Baskol1
Agreed! While it is very tough when in the upper throes of anxiety, if there are any lapses, try to put yourself out there (maybe only online), you might be surprised.
I have an amazing boyfriend who I love and I know he loves me but I still jumped off a bridge..thank fuck he's still by my side every single day in hospital
Pistolero114
Veteran
- Jun 25, 2019
- 261
That might indeed be a reason to stay my own execution. There's a woman I've held in high regard for over a decade. I broached the idea of a long term mutually exclusive relationship; she asked for time to consider it. I've been waiting seven years but she's absolutely worth it. She's a brilliant woman with a formidable intellect. One might even say she's a force of nature.
Besides; I have the rest of my life to wait. However long that turns out to be.
Sometimes the right person can turn things around for you. An old adage from my youth was; "the right woman can make you and the wrong one will break you". Thanks for following me this far; you guys are awesome.
Besides; I have the rest of my life to wait. However long that turns out to be.
Sometimes the right person can turn things around for you. An old adage from my youth was; "the right woman can make you and the wrong one will break you". Thanks for following me this far; you guys are awesome.
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YukiFox
Pastel demon
- Dec 8, 2018
- 320
If I have a partner someday, surely makes me sorry for CTB, but you can't anchor your existence because of someone if your pain is unaffordable. Thanks to Goddess I don't step on the No-return point of CTB, but the hope to find a boyfriend/husband (Or even a girlfriend/wife, who knows) apart my death thoughts from me.
In other case, I highly doubt to make double CTB with a future romantic/sexual partner.
In other case, I highly doubt to make double CTB with a future romantic/sexual partner.
deflagrat
¡Si hablas español mándame un mensaje privado!
- Apr 9, 2018
- 360
I have flat affect (I can't feel emotions), and I never understood what love was to begin with. Having enough money and being comfortable is the only thing I value. I would want more things, sure, but I can't have them, and that's why I started not to care. Maybe if I had an AI (Artificial Intelligence) I could role-play about being in love, but I wouldn't actually feel anything. I kind of already do that in Japanese visual novels (but after a few days I forget about the whole thing). I am probably the coldest person here.
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,073
I simply feel frustrated to know that it would be impossible for me to have a relationship, and I also feel only since I don't have IRL friends, for some people this is not a good reason for ctb, but they don't know how I really feel.
Wayfaerer
JFMSUF
- Aug 21, 2019
- 1,938
I've been without one my entire life (didn't go to high school), but it has never been the root cause of my misery. It made dealing with things worse, maybe, but it was only a symptom and not a disease in and of itself. I wasn't going to go looking for one until I could at least bench 1pl8 and consistently maintain a structured life. Unfortunately, I was never able to reach that before I had already hit the point of no return. I'm just going to have to settle for pay-to-play and then call it a life.
I envy you, George. You have the luxury of time.
I envy you, George. You have the luxury of time.
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Nanimoaru
I wanna fade away like I never was
- Sep 15, 2018
- 153
I had one, the destructive thoughts were a dull roar
He left. I'm ready to go
He left. I'm ready to go
Astral316
Specialist
- Aug 26, 2019
- 332
I never had enough social leverage to land an attractive partner so I went without one. I'd like to go back in time and be more interactive with the boys so I could then be more interactive with the girls, but I can't. As an adult it's too late. The thought of having any kind of relationship is uncomfortable, forget a romantic one. Needing something you can no longer handle, companionship, is tough. And yea, it's a major reason why I'm looking to ctb.
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Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,073
It is really hard what affects this to my life, I know that people always say that one must to be happy on its own, but I really feel empty without having any social life, I also feel frustrated for being unable to have a relationship .
I have no motivation to do anything, I try to escape with video games but it also does not work.
I have no motivation to do anything, I try to escape with video games but it also does not work.
Yes.
If they were supportive and patient of me and with me even at this low point, however that is impossible to find in deep depression and isolation when you're a loser in every aspect of the word.
Being alone forever is my main reason for ctb. I don't do lonley well.
If they were supportive and patient of me and with me even at this low point, however that is impossible to find in deep depression and isolation when you're a loser in every aspect of the word.
Being alone forever is my main reason for ctb. I don't do lonley well.
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LastFlowers
the haru that can read
- Apr 27, 2019
- 2,170
I would still CTB. If I am not happy with myself, I will not be happy with other people.
Common saying, but it's true.
Common saying, but it's true.
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Arskam
Nevermind
- Sep 7, 2019
- 20
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,073
Can'tStandAnymore
Custom title
- Mar 16, 2019
- 234
I can totally understand you eren. We don't have the ability to socialize, but at least even getting lovely message could make me bit happier.
So...
❤❤❤❤
So...
❤❤❤❤
Sweet emotion
Enlightened
- Sep 14, 2019
- 1,325
No, I would still want to die. I have the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. No amount of love would keep me here.
Mental illness won't cure itself with love so no.
Its like when people say they want to leave everything and move out to the wilds while suffering of chronic depression to cure it
Its like when people say they want to leave everything and move out to the wilds while suffering of chronic depression to cure it
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Quitter
Member
- Sep 4, 2019
- 77
For me, having a partner both pressures me to ctb and yet it makes me hesitate.
I want him to be happy and find someone who really deserves him, but he refuses to break up with me. I feel like I'm ruining his life and dragging him down with me day by day, the guilt is horrible.
I want him to be happy and find someone who really deserves him, but he refuses to break up with me. I feel like I'm ruining his life and dragging him down with me day by day, the guilt is horrible.
SourIntent
Member
- Sep 15, 2019
- 18
Absolutely. Ideally, I would like to think I would be able to discuss all these thoughts in my head with him and he would understand and comfort me and I could do the same for him. But, from past experience, it's never anything even close to that. However, having a significant other does seem to preoccupy you with dinner and cleaning and social functions so much that you don't have enough time to get so deep within your own thoughts that it comes to ctb.
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magick'sgone
And so on it goes....
- May 16, 2019
- 125
Absolutely not. Being in a relationship brings just as many (if not more) problems as single life. It's true about needing to be happy with yourself in order to have a successful love life.
For the guys thinking "if I met a woman who feels the same way about life as I do, we could make it through together", sorry, but that's bollocks. To the vast majority of women, overly emotional men (suicidality being the peak of that) are the biggest attraction killers out there. I felt exactly that way, met a woman who matched that description, and thought I'd found what I'd been looking for. She was attracted to me because I understood and could empathise with her. Mostly she liked that I felt how she did but managed to stay positive and overcome the negativity.
After being together for a while she came to see much of my positivity was simply putting on a brave face. In reality, she liked me because I put all my effort into lifting her mood. I noticed that on my down days she would treat me with contempt, as if it became clear that I didn't have all the answers and was a fraud. We would sit and talk about her and her problems for hours, but the moment I expressed my true emotions about life, the conversation would be brought to an end.
This was a woman who I had known years before and thought was fantastic. Same sense of humour, good conversation, fun. My ideal companion. As soon as the relationship started, most of that disappeared, and my job was to keep her happy, and if I didn't, there was hell to pay.
Another woman I've been with loved my fun, cheerful attitude. She got me to open up about my reasons for being suicidal because she thought she could fix it. When it became clear that saying "think about your family", and "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" didn't work how she thought it would, she got angry. You could see the attraction die. She liked to say "I'm always here for you to talk to", when in fact she only was if she had nothing better to do. Once she pretty much forced me to open up about my issues when I didn't want to. One of her friends then called her and she immediately dropped our conversation and left to go shopping.
Sorry for the essay. I'm just trying to convey the fact that depression and heavy personal issues are not attractive, and relationships with that undercurrent are doomed for failure. I've known people who cheat on their partners despite knowing they are suicidal. It's a brutal world.
For the guys thinking "if I met a woman who feels the same way about life as I do, we could make it through together", sorry, but that's bollocks. To the vast majority of women, overly emotional men (suicidality being the peak of that) are the biggest attraction killers out there. I felt exactly that way, met a woman who matched that description, and thought I'd found what I'd been looking for. She was attracted to me because I understood and could empathise with her. Mostly she liked that I felt how she did but managed to stay positive and overcome the negativity.
After being together for a while she came to see much of my positivity was simply putting on a brave face. In reality, she liked me because I put all my effort into lifting her mood. I noticed that on my down days she would treat me with contempt, as if it became clear that I didn't have all the answers and was a fraud. We would sit and talk about her and her problems for hours, but the moment I expressed my true emotions about life, the conversation would be brought to an end.
This was a woman who I had known years before and thought was fantastic. Same sense of humour, good conversation, fun. My ideal companion. As soon as the relationship started, most of that disappeared, and my job was to keep her happy, and if I didn't, there was hell to pay.
Another woman I've been with loved my fun, cheerful attitude. She got me to open up about my reasons for being suicidal because she thought she could fix it. When it became clear that saying "think about your family", and "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" didn't work how she thought it would, she got angry. You could see the attraction die. She liked to say "I'm always here for you to talk to", when in fact she only was if she had nothing better to do. Once she pretty much forced me to open up about my issues when I didn't want to. One of her friends then called her and she immediately dropped our conversation and left to go shopping.
Sorry for the essay. I'm just trying to convey the fact that depression and heavy personal issues are not attractive, and relationships with that undercurrent are doomed for failure. I've known people who cheat on their partners despite knowing they are suicidal. It's a brutal world.
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Lucet
In Echoes Forever
- Aug 26, 2019
- 22
Agreed.
Not only that, but while having a significant other would definitely help to some degree to deal with things, my issues with life in general stem way beyond mental illness, and being alone.
Eren
Si hablas español mándame un MP
- Oct 27, 2018
- 1,073
magick'sgone
And so on it goes....
- May 16, 2019
- 125
Yep. But it wasn't even like she realised the impact of that action. She's a kind, intelligent human being as well, but she thinks suicide is selfish and about ego. Her opinion doesn't come from malice. People who haven't felt the way we do will never understand us.
The demands of a partner and being unable to meet them due to illness / insecurities even without illness would prob make me want to ctb more!! I'm actually relieved I don't have the added burden of a partner amongst all this
alexithymia
Student
- Sep 18, 2019
- 176
Yes, having a partner for nearly five years (even though the relationship sucked for the most part) provided enough distraction that I didn't want to die. Was still super anxious and depressed, but I felt I had a reason to live. He was my first.
I don't think I'd feel that way again even if I got into another relationship.
I don't think I'd feel that way again even if I got into another relationship.
shango
Member
- Sep 9, 2019
- 70
Honestly, I cant see myself with a partner anymore. I'm so broken and depressed that it would only burden them. I think if I wasn't even depressed anymore, I couldn't get a partner anyways. I'm so awkward and stupid to even talk to anyone. I'm pretty much just gonna rot for the rest of my life unless I ctb
mynameispaige
Member
- Sep 1, 2019
- 58
I don't know. I've never been in a relationship. I don't know how to accept love from other people. I'm afraid of it. Also love won't fix any of the mental problems I have. My problems could even end up hurting them too. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt someone else and it would just make me even more suicidal.
clownangel
Student
- Sep 25, 2019
- 122
I'm in bed with mine while scrolling here so...no. Plenty of nights I'm up inches away from him making lists and writing notes and sobbing while he sleeps. He's incredibly supportive, loves me dearly, the type of shit I'd want when I first figured out what significant others were.
On one hand I've stuck around (even for the sake of not wanting to harm anyone or have someone I know discover me first) because of it, on the other hand when he tells me he wants to be there for "the rest of (my) life" I joke that my number will be up in a week.
I've been in abusive situations and I'd always hoped I'd stop feeling this way with "the right person". The right person makes being alive suck less, but doesn't make me stop wanting to leave.
On one hand I've stuck around (even for the sake of not wanting to harm anyone or have someone I know discover me first) because of it, on the other hand when he tells me he wants to be there for "the rest of (my) life" I joke that my number will be up in a week.
I've been in abusive situations and I'd always hoped I'd stop feeling this way with "the right person". The right person makes being alive suck less, but doesn't make me stop wanting to leave.
