Do you think what people will think about you after your death? lol
The following text is kinda messy... But I guess my main point is clear.
I mean, personally I understand that it's actually a win. But still, sometimes, I think like people who don't know my full story would pity me and assume that I couldn't endure some mental disorder and was always alone and bla bla bla. Not to disrespect anybody who suffers from it, I might have also had some of this issues, I just don't like the way some people percept the act of suicide. Regardless of what's the cause, I don't like the prospect of them suggesting things... Ultimately I understand that perhaps I'm not really suicidal if I'm bothered by this BS otherwise I wouldn't give a fuck. Or maybe I am and i just consciously acknowledge these absurd fears/thoughts that my mind is creating.
I can't open up fully about my problems to anybody in this world, so I don't want to tell anyone about it partially, because they wouldn't know the full story if i really do kms. That's why I kinda can't make a strong connections to people, because there's always a possibility of me killing myself, i don't want anybody to feel sad because of it and don't want them to know what actually happened and why i did that. So I'm kinda more calm when I isolated for a long period of time. This way the case of suicide will be really vague, because no one could say they talked to me lately
