Discussion Do you self harm?

[guineapiglover8503]

Just asking since I relapsed recently and I haven't been able to stop. I forgot how much I liked it and yesterday I took off the dull part of my box cutter and the feeling was… something. I don't know if I can stop again. I stopped for like 2 years but I'm in such a worse place now and I seriously am surprised I haven't CTB yet sometimes

 

[DeathSkullDude1]

I've attempted it years ago and it hurt like hell so no not really. How do you cut yourself and become comfortable with it?

 

[identity0]

I tried it a couple of times when i was a teenager like 15 years ago, but it didnt do anything for me so i never did it again.

 

[Promised Heaven]

Not anymore, five years clean.

I'm sorry you're stuck in the cycle because me and many others can agree it's hard to break out of it due to the rush given. From my experience, I only stopped because my cutting stopped bleeding out (dull blades, same area of skin).

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I don't need to harm myself, I find it harmful enough to suffer in this torturous and futile existence, personally I just wish to be permanently free from all suffering and harm. I wish to never exist again, I wish for non-existence where I'm incapable of suffering in any way, personally I find it something so dreadful and terrible to exist at all, I find it deeply undesirable to exist, I'm always so tired of suffering.

 

[Aglossa]

I started self harming as a child before I knew what it was. Would hit, bite and scratch myself when I was upset. Not often though. It only became a regular thing when I became a teen, first scratching, then blades from pencil sharpeners, then razor blades. I have periods where I do not self harm, but the impulse never goes away, and at some point I will give in.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Haven't SHed since a few months back. I can't go back to doing it again, even if I wanted to, since my parents are aware of it now.

 

[Awesomefoid67]

i used to not but now ive started doing it occasionally. not very well cus i dont have like the best stuff for it but it does the job sometimes

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I want to be dead because I hate pain and I don't want to be subjected to any more pain. With this in mind, why the hell would I want to inflict pain upon myself!? Life itself already inflicts pain upon me anyway and I hate every single bit of it

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've hit myself on the head a couple of times and smacked myself in the face but, not regularly and I'm too squemish for cutting or anything like that so, I'd say no. Although, I can sort of understand the want to.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No, I want to be dead because I hate pain and I don't want to be subjected to any more pain. With this in mind, why the hell would I want to inflict pain upon myself!? Life itself already inflicts pain upon me anyway and I hate every single bit of it

A lot for people SH as a coping mechanism. When you are injured your body releases endorphins that aid in relieving stress and people who SH can sometimes even become addicted to these endorphins over time. Along with that, SH is also commonly used as a form of self punishment and, in rarer cases, is used as a cry for help (hence some people doing it for attention).

There is an article that discusses SH.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

A lot for people SH as a coping mechanism. When you are injured your body releases endorphins that aid in relieving stress and people who SH can sometimes even become addicted to these endorphins over time. Along with that, SH is also commonly used as a form of self punishment and, in rarer cases, is used as a cry for help (hence some people doing it for attention).

There is an article that discusses SH.

It's interesting to see an article about SH that isn't full of people's biases due to being uncomfortable at the act of SH. I personally can't understand the whole self punishment thing as I don't see why I should be punished for the flaws of this world (but to each their own) though I guess I do now understand at how it can be used to relieve stress. It's scary though as to how much pain somebody has to be in for inflicted pain to be a temporary relief of the pain that they are going through

 

[Misanthrope0000]

I was clean for few weeks but I'm going to relapse again soon the moment i get a blade

 

[never mind me]

I started cutting myself at age 16 and will turn 36 soon and I still cut myself occasionally. I can't imagine ever stopping it as it doesn't have any negative impact on my life (I only inflict superficial injuries on my private parts, so except for my boy-friend noone sees it anyway)

 

[avalon_]

no, but i can see the appeal. my mind is silent when my body aches.

 

[amaterasu :-)]

I tried it a couple of times when i was a teenager like 15 years ago, but it didnt do anything for me so i never did it again.

I was going to say the same

 

[CatLvr]

I have cut myself in the past. It was ... Euphoric. But, I have chronic pain from injuries when I was in an accident several years ago and now I don't feel anything when I cut so ...

Oddly enough, there are times when I will skip my pain meds knowing full well that I will wind up unable to get out of bed. Or do anything other than lay in a dark room with an icepack covering my head for a couple of days. That's how long it takes the pain meds to get back "in front of" the pain when I miss a dose. I do this often enough that I recently started wondering if skipping my meds is my new version of cutting.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

It's interesting to see an article about SH that isn't full of people's biases due to being uncomfortable at the act of SH. I personally can't understand the whole self punishment thing as I don't see why I should be punished for the flaws of this world (but to each their own) though I guess I do now understand at how it can be used to relieve stress. It's scary though as to how much pain somebody has to be in for inflicted pain to be a temporary relief of the pain that they are going through

I don't think it's scary. It's also important to note that some people don't SH because they are in a lot of emotional pain. Some people first try it out of curiosity and become addicted to it, others do it for kinky reasons (bloodplay), I've seen some people admit to doing it because for aesthetic purposes (which I don't really get, but anyway), and so on. People SH for a variety of reasons. I would say that I'm pretty stable mentally and haven't suffered that much in life and I only recently stopped SHing (I had been doing it for just under a decade).

 

[lostintheloop]

Yes, I have done for a decade , various methods. These days it's mostly superficial where I can deal with it at home. I still do it regularly but it doesn't do much for me anymore. I feel like i just do it out of habit mostly now.
But in the past I became pretty much addicted with cutting and had to keep going deeper. Lost count of the number of times I was in a&e getting stitches. When staff start to recognise you and one of the drs jokingly refers to you as 'like a celebrity round here' you know you've hit a new low
It all only made me more miserable and now I'm stuck with horrible scars (even when stitched by plastics drs and healed perfectly i still end up with hypertrophic scars and it sucks) .
Thankfully out of that cycle now although the temptation to cut deeper is always there.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I don't sit down and think "I need to SH right now," usually I will hurt myself when I am frustrated. I will hit myself in the head or slam my hands against things. I'm trying to stop and I have no idea where the behavior came from. I didn't used to do it when I was younger, it just kind of started out of nowhere.

 

[L'absent]

No, I have always done everything to avoid even the slightest pain. Unfortunately, life makes me experience inhuman suffering, both psychological and organic. That's why I could never choose a method of suicide that causes even the slightest pain. I will have to die quickly and without suffering. For me even 10 minutes of SN are madness and terror.

 

[ElusiveFreedom]

I do, I've started around a year ago when I was 22 and I haven't stopped yet nor plan to stop in near future. It started with the emotional pain being so severe that I couldn't take it and used a razor to cut my arm. To be honest it helped me a lot, it felt like it relieved the pain? But I wouldn't recommend it to anyone even though it helps me. My left arm now looks horrible, it's covered in hundreds of scars ranging from small ones to the "bulging" ones. I'm extremely embarassed about it and spent the whole summer wearing long sleeves to hide it from everyone which is obviously not very comfy. I feel like the scars shows my weak mental state and overall me being too weak to deal with my emotions which to be clear I DO NOT THINK ABOUT OTHERS THAT SELF-HARM it's just me knowing I'm a piece of trash and should've been stronger.

EDIT: Also I feel like when I'm in the state where I know I'll SH I should talk with someone but as I stated I wouldn't want to make them feel bad for me cause it's not something I honestly deserve. The only people that know me personally and know that I SH is my psychiatrist and psychologist.

EDIT 2: So if you feel like self-harming and you have someone who you know is there for you, please talk to them first, it may save you from hurting yourself.

 

[theolivanderroach]

I haven't cut since 2020 which was my biggest, deepest cut. Now I have an embarrassing huge thick scar on my forearm. I used to cut a lot when I was 15/16 mainly on my thighs.

 

[SA1994EC]

Although I have been depressed and desperate for this long entire life, I have never SHed myself intentionally. Physical pains and scars scare me.
But I understand the emotions and reasons behind them of those who do it. I might be able to say that I have been SHing myself psychologically and emotionally. I have not taken care of myself at all. And as a result of that, my body stated rejecting working normally.
We all need the outlet of our pains though we might choose different ones.

 

[folly_]

im too squeamish to actually cut myself, even though i think about it a lot. i sometimes hit myself in the head just for the pain, a few times have made myself sick on purpose. not ED related but i guess its a weird "i deserve it" thing (´ρ`)
i also have some skin picking issues but thats mostly an impulsive thing and i dont count it as sh in the same way i do the other stuff

 

[ForestGhost]

Yeah, recently relapsed after about 5 years clean of no cutting. It's very cathartic for me

 

[Derpiee]

Yes tho i was clean for almost four months, just started doing it recently again.

 

[pleasehelp]

I've attempted it years ago and it hurt like hell so no not really. How do you cut yourself and become comfortable with it?

I feel that the pain of the cut is more of a relief than pain as it starts to block out the pain I'm feeling inside my head and heart. And it makes me feel like I'm crying for a reason then rather than just crying because I'm mentally unwell

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Just asking since I relapsed recently and I haven't been able to stop. I forgot how much I liked it and yesterday I took off the dull part of my box cutter and the feeling was… something. I don't know if I can stop again. I stopped for like 2 years but I'm in such a worse place now and I seriously am surprised I haven't CTB yet sometimes

Yea I always do, right now I'm on some kinda partner pleasing bender in the sense that it causes so much tension whenever they notice I'm cutting, the last time I did it only made my carving for it worse, mabye two months ago I cut decently deep just two hypodermis cuts on my thigh, not to long I wanted to hide it, but man I know im gonna fail this thing I'm trying to do, I've been cutting since I was 11? 12 right in-between there, it's been somthing I cycle back to for every year, it's hard to be better when you don't know what that is, there is no better, there isn't,, I'm selfish for having them and keeping them when I know ik going to ctb. Ahh ignore me the booze make me spill

Yea I always do, right now I'm on some kinda partner pleasing bender in the sense that it causes so much tension whenever they notice I'm cutting, the last time I did it only made my carving for it worse, mabye two months ago I cut decently deep just two hypodermis cuts on my thigh, not to long I wanted to hide it, but man I know im gonna fail this thing I'm trying to do, I've been cutting since I was 11? 12 right in-between there, it's been somthing I cycle back to for every year, it's hard to be better when you don't know what that is, there is no better, there isn't,, I'm selfish for having them and keeping them when I know ik going to ctb. Ahh ignore me the booze make me spill

Liquors a lousy excuse I'm just a bad person.

 

[Regen]

I was really addicted to it for many years. It was very, very difficult to stop. Then I did it. But there was a relapse every few years. But now I'm sure it's over. I'm clean, but I'll always be an addict, so I avoid threads on the topic, for example.