Venting do you see your life past 50?

[33K1LLM3]

God no, I don't even see myself living past the age of 20, I'm not even living past the age of 19.

In anotehr life maybe, but probably only until the ages of between 55-60, cause I ain't gonna retire just so my body can slowly shut down with age.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it's all just suffering, I don't wish to see that, I see nothing desirable about being burdened with this torturous, futile and deeply undesirable existence just to die in agony from old age rather all I want is to not exist, I just wish for peace, I just want to never suffer ever again.

 

[RadiantNumber]

I've suicidal thoughts since 2017
My worst years were 2019 to 2022
I was good for a moment
Now everything feels empty and meaningless once again .
But I just know that I won't ever be able to continue this longer .
Genuinely I'm just here for my cat i don't trust anyone with him .
Am i using him as an excuse???
i feel so fking messed up now

I feel ya
I do not see myself anywhere after 33

 

[Takeme2whereibelong]

Im only 2 yrs off and the answer is 99% no. Theres still that tiny 1 percent that wants to live i dont know why and i have been thinking about that today. I was 100% ready last month but now im not and i dont understand why

 

[ElTopo]

Yes I do see myself at 50 an I shudder at the thought, alone, used and even more hollowed and consumed by all that pain, that's what I'm trying to avoid

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's 5 years off for me but I f*cking hope not. Everything's getting more and more difficult.

 

[Ashu]

I am 55. i realize now that I should have ended things when I was in my 30s and knew there was nothing here for me.

Me too I'm fifty-five, just sayin.

I'm 56 and never imagined living to be this old. The older you get the faster the years go by.

For me at fifty-five, time has somehow continued to move as slowly as it ever did.

 

[Dejected 55]

The old saying "time flies when you're having fun" is only half right. For me time flies all the time now. I blink and another week has gone by. When you're young and think you are enjoying something, the time seems to fly because you want to stay in that moment. As you get older, time flies from one bad thing to the next to get you to the next bit of pain faster... so time just flies by and you watch your life get wasted.

 

[heldbyone]

No, I don't see myself living past 50, and I sincerely hope that it never happens. I've told myself I wouldn't want to live through my 20's but then I did, and then 30's, and now mid 30's. However, given the right time and circumstances, I will go and hopefully successfully CTB and no longer suffer a protracted existence.

I always knew since I was young that one day I will CTB .

Wanna talk a bit more about it? What's going on in your case? I've had suicidal thoughts from like when I was 16, I got admitted to a mental ward, cause my life was at risk, then it slowly "got better" with years of therapy and finding more about myself, so it can have it's ups and downs, also you mention your worst years to coincidentally be covid, right?

heldbyone

Oh thanks im getting constant therapy nothing helps anymore

Well for me being 69, I guess that question is not for me.

However, I would like to mention the fact that you are here for much more than your cat. Take for example this site, and the fact that you are part of the family here.

I consider you a good friend and also family, as I have said before, I have no family nor friends.

There are times that I also feel messed up and wonder why I am still here. Then along will come a lovely sunrise and/or sunset and some aspect at work will come to fruition and I get a smile.

Are you using your cat as an excuse? NO, NO and NO. Your cat is an extension of you, as when he/she cuddles up to you he/she is telling you just how important of a person you are to him/her and to others also, like me.

We are ALL together in this, and yes, I have suicide ideation every once in a while BUT knowing that I have family here and also you make everything so much better.

You are NEVER EVER alone, as you are family along with your precious cat.

Hugs, caring vibes and the knowledge that I care about YOU.

Walter

You seems like such a unique soul ,but no family are worst thing happened to me wish i didn't have any of them , im alone in every life decision my cat is the only being by my side , i despise physical touch tho

I'm 56 and never imagined living to be this old. The older you get the faster the years go by.

This scares me so much time flies yet I'm still stuck on same loop

Do people actually see futures for themselves? Not even saying this in a suicidal way, I legitimately can't even imagine where I'll be tomorrow

Same everywhere and everything and everyday is so strange to me .

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

Weeeel, I'm turning 53 in 11 days time so here is my take on the question.

As a teenager and 20 something I hated my life and never saw myself reaching 50..............bored with everything and not enough money or fun.

From about 30 to 45 years old things rocked and I never wanted to die. After that the only two things that keep me alive are that fact that it would destroy people around me if I CTB and I am hoping to live the good life again.

 

[heldbyone]

Weeeel, I'm turning 53 in 11 days time so here is my take on the question.

As a teenager and 20 something I hated my life and never saw myself reaching 50..............bored with everything and not enough money or fun.

From about 30 to 45 years old things rocked and I never wanted to die. After that the only two things that keep me alive are that fact that it would destroy people around me if I CTB and I am hoping to live the good life again.

Happy early birthday

 

[brokenspirited]

To me, it all just seems like more suffering. I just can't. I can't picture it at all. Life is filled with endless torture and torment. Only nonexistence can bring me true comfort in the face of all this suffering.

 

[unluckysadness]

For me 50 is quite soon but I don't imagine myself being alive. I hope I'll be in paradise

 

[Carrot]

A few years ago, yes, now, no, and I don't see that changing back.

Life can be good, but it just happens that it isn't. You need to ignore all the issues and just enjoy life...

 

[InversedShadow]

Not an age I would like to think about

 

[laceydreams]

nah I just can't see myself living that long

 

[darksouls]

I am 49 and I want to die
my life is only suffering

 

[LetMeOut67]

I am 57 and I wish I'd CTB the day I left school or even before that
I never felt I had a future and that's proven to be correct
How I've lasted this long I'll never know as I've been permanently unhappy since school days , mind you the 80s and 90s were not the hellscape the 21st century is

 

[TheVanishingPoint]

I'm not here wondering whether I'll still be alive at fifty.
To me, the most important thing is to prepare for a good suicide to approach it with calm, clarity, and a kind of conscious serenity.
To face death not as an escape, but as an intimate, clean gesture, carried out with respect for oneself.
To spend those final moments in a pleasant way, taking care of oneself, loving oneself all the way to the end.
This awareness can arise at any age, because it's not about years lived, but about a deep inner understanding.
It's not self-hatred it's a full and final act of love.

 

[sjuultje123]

God no, I don't even see myself living past the age of 20, I'm not even living past the age of 19.

In anotehr life maybe, but probably only until the ages of between 55-60, cause I ain't gonna retire just so my body can slowly shut down with age.

Same overhere. I always felt that I wouldn't get old. I'm now 23 and I'm even wondering how I managed to get that age.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

I'm 47 and hope I don't last that long. I figure if I'm still around I'll get an Exit membership as a birthday present for myself. ha

OP, I relate to your sentiment about your cat. I felt the same way about my cat. She passed last year, so I feel I'm a step closer. Now my concern is primarily what it would do to my partner of 10 years.

I feel what you ask about "is this an excuse?" I wonder that too...

 

[amerie]

Nope. I personally don't see myself as having anything fulfilling after the age of 45 tbh. Just paying taxes and having bone issues and being told that your best years are finished.

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Im in my 40s, I should have ended it a long time ago, now Im just a ghost in the world, half dead and half alive, alive but not existing. I wish to go and have more reason to go than most, but I do not yet have the courage, something still holds me here. I think my peak was around in my mid 30s, then its been down hill ever since and no sign of it ever going up again.

 

[Unknown21]

Not even past 27.

 

[Eriktf]

I hope and wish, my good family member that you are around for a very long time to come, as I need folks like you.

Have a wonderful day!

Walter

thanks but im not too sure if i even make it to 30

 

[oatmeal.n]

Absolutely not. I don't see any reality where I live past 50. I have no desire to grow old or struggle for what seems like ages. Why should I? Why is it so normal to live for so long? I'm sure, thousands of years ago, I would've died from tuberculosis or a sort of deadly plague, but instead, I'm here. I've far outlived my time. Just waiting for my ctb date to arrive.

 

[Dayrain]

i don't trust anyone with him .
Am i using him as an excuse???

I would say if you don't trust anyone with him, then this not an excuse.

 

[heldbyone]

To me, it all just seems like more suffering. I just can't. I can't picture it at all. Life is filled with endless torture and torment. Only nonexistence can bring me true comfort in the face of all this suffering.

That's how I feel too everyday is a new torture session to me

Not even past 27.

I said that too and here I'm 28 I wish I went with my plan

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I dont even see myself living past 30 and I'm only 24

 

[bloominghopelessne]

I once imagined myself at the age of 45, but that is beyond my strength and beyond my desire