Do you regret not killing yourself much earlier?

[Lucilius]

Why did I fall for the lies? I knew my life was fucked a fifteen years ago. What was the point of all these years of misery? I should have trusted my instinct. I'm so tired.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yes. I should've done it in 2018 or 2010 or in utero with the umbilical cord.

 

[fay13]

Why did I fall for the lies? I knew my life was fucked a fifteen years ago. What was the point of all these years of misery? I should have trusted my instinct. I'm so tired.

yes it's a thought that never leaves my mind , i wish i died in 2021

 

[heavyeyes]

Yes I do. I should've done it a decade ago. My life hasn't gotten any better since then. If anything its only gotten a lot worse.

 

[WaffleWoman]

Why did I fall for the lies? I knew my life was fucked a fifteen years ago. What was the point of all these years of misery? I should have trusted my instinct. I'm so tired.

Last time i attempted i was ready but i ended up not doing it i wish i had gone through with it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Yes I should have killed myself right away when I already knew that nothing's gonna be better again and this thing is over, it can only become worse. I came to this conclusion several years ago already. This would have protected me from so much agony and suffering in the past years and from now onwards.

Why didn't I do it? Because of my mum. Litterally she would not survive this.

 

[willitpass]

I'm indifferent. I wish my attempts would have killed me but I also don't really bother dwelling on that. Several things in my life ARE going well, thought I don't want to stay alive for them nor do I feel glad I wasn't successful in the past. But I don't sit around writhing in agony that they didn't work. It is just a fact of my life and I prefer to focus on making sure my next attempt is successful and I don't have to continue trying.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Certainly. Life has an uncanny ability to persistently find a way to complicate matters, even if circumstances improve, leaving you to endure the same challenges repeatedly.

 

[Lucilius]

Some things in my life are going well and this is still agonizing. I knew what the problem was back then and that it didn't have a solution. Could have spared me all of this. This is not a competitive marathon.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Yes I should have done it in 2017, I realize my life has been a cope filled life full of suffering ever since. Nothing gained, just losses.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I know that I should had never existed at all, existence was just a horrific mistake in the first place and I know that if suicide was easier I would had left long ago. To me the less time spent trapped here enduring this futile existence the better but once someone is forced to exist here, it's not straightforward for them to free themselves from all the suffering.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, I oftenly wished I checked out in 2019 or at the end of it, especially knowing that life has the potential to only get worse. In fact, I wouldn't have missed much if I had CTB'd in 2019, since I would have not been around to experience the pandemic and all the other world events as well as the inane existence that is life itself.

 

[Hollowman]

Yes

 

[Misfit72]

Yes, in 2015. I no longer see death as getting in the way of my plans for life, I see life as getting in the way of my plans for death. Even if Brexit in the UK, and Covid worldwide, hadn't happened, I still wouldn't have been any happier.

 

[mkmk_1]

When I was younger I really debated it. I was told it'd get better. It didn't. I don't think I'd be missing anything worth while if I had.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

yes

 

[Failure21]

I regret every moment I curse this world with my presence. If I could I'd go back in time and help younger me go through with it the first time I thought of it or even make sure I was never born in the first place.

 

[catastrophix]

Yeah. I've had CTB related thoughts since I was a toddler, and it honestly makes me so angry at myself when I think about all the hard times I could have avoided if I were to just go through with it sooner.

 

[Twiceler]

When I was 14 I've made an final conclusion that life is shit. Sometimes I think that it becomes harder to overcome SI when growing up. I'm afraid to get used to all mess in my life and shitty things in general.

 

[helicoptero]

It's complicated. On one hand, I would've liked to end it all before, when CTB was easier and I didn't have many more traumatic experiences in my life. But on the other hand, I had good moments too, learned new stuff, experienced good things...
As much as I want to CTB now, I still appreciate those things.

 

[crimsonpool]

absolutely..ive been told when i was born the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, i wish it had killed me back then

 

[roseleaf]

almost always i think i should have but occasionally there is something that happens that makes me glad i didn't. but mostly yes

 

[whitherrvbound]

5 years past since my first suicide attempt. ı remember, i was really sure that i was going to die. ı didnt die but my intentions also didnt. After an another suicide attempt here i am with a couraging method(SN) im ready to leave. Just here for the loose ends then i will kill myself and im sure as fuck i will succeed. yeah i regret my failure.

 

[axxxu]

Yes. I should've done it the first time. I regret it everyday.

 

[failed life]

I wish I'd gone years ago but I was needed so I guess it was better previous attempts didn't work. Not better for me but for the people that needed me. My suffering is never going to get any better and could well get worse. I can't cope atm and sure as hell can't handle worse. This time I'm going to get it right.

 

[voc_89]

Yes. I wote a letter and thing for it in 2005 (around the 1 year anniversary of my mom's passing). My dad found it. And later that day carried us out for pizza and stuff (idk where he got the money as the bills for my mom's cancer basically bankrupted us around then...). That night he told us that we had a baby sister that was about to turn 2 years old and that he wanted us to meet her (I only figured out later that that meant that he was cheating on my mom when she was on her death bed). The innocence of a baby makes u foget everything wrong in your life. I think thats the major reason I'm still here. To make sure that little girl becomes a great adult despite having terrible parents.

 

[11April]

Yes. I should have done this 8 years ago. No matter how bad it is, it can always be worse. Apparently, this is how life works.

 

[SetMeFree11]

about 11 years ago i had the chance to ctb using potassium cyanide. i so regret not doing it as i don't have access to it anymore

 

[leftdreaming]

No, but it would've been easier. I was more ignorant back then, I wouldn't have had this many issues. I do think my life served some sort of temporary purpose, though.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Yes would have avoided some suffering.