Do you have friends?

[emptymiku]

i used to. not anymore. pretty much why i'm here

 

[Hugh Class]

Im 100% alone.... no friends...no family.

Everybody disapeared when they found out.... i lost everything to a scammer....because of that, i guess i have no value to anybody.

But being 100% alone will make ctb much easier..... because i wont miss anybody, nobody will notice, i was gone. Im okay with that.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I haven't had a real friend for a long time, but staying recently with my brother has shown me what it could be like to be in a close and understanding relationship with someone.

 

[norwegianbuttercris]

I had irl friends and online friends but I pushed them away deliberately to make ctb easier for me mentally.

 

[voc_89]

i had about 4/5 'close friends'. When I broke down last September and told them what was really going on in my life they 'nope'd' out of there so quickly. To be fair, I've always been faking it. But the mask never holds forever and a maskless me was probably to real for them. They both reached out again in February and March this year. I just put on the mask and acted like all was fine. Lol. This is exhausting.

 

[pyroxenic]

Ive got 3 left and theyre all online, i talk often with maybe 2 of them. I lost my "best friend" very recently after i cut her off because of her cold treatment towards me after some dumb shit i did to piss her off. I couldnt care less in the end it makes no difference if people are in my life or not.

 

[AngelicPsychedelic]

The only real friend I have is my bsf. Ily @SpencerSees !!

 

[imcurious]

Friendship is a difficult thing for me to navigate. Growing up, I had several best friends. There was one best friend whom I felt connected to on another level. We were best friends for 7 years. I could've called her my soulmate. We grew up together. To this day, that friendship has shaped many of my music tastes, interests, and hobbies. We were inseparable since the 1st grade. However, like many elementary school friendships, it fizzled out after she made new friends and suddenly decided that our friendship did not matter anymore. She stopped talking to me in the 8th grade, and by this time, I had moved out of the country. I remember feeling crushed and horrible about myself at the time.

It seems silly to feel as sad as I did, as I knew it is almost normal for such preliminary friendships to die out. But I don't think I ever recovered, and since then I viewed friendships differently as I grew older. I was completely withdrawn in high school and barely made any long lasting friends. I am in college now, and my attempts for meaningful friendship have been futile.

Now, I have "friends" to talk to and hang out with, but I would not consider them my close friends. They don't know anything about me and I'm friends with them by association. It's all very surface-level and to be honest I really hate it.

 

[Otto]

No noone

 

[DarknessAtNoon]

I have one friend I still talk to. The rest I have completely ghosted over the years simply because I am too ashamed for them to see what I have become.

 

[Haruka]

Unfortunately not, I don't have any friends in person and it doesn't feel like I have ever had any true friends in person, I make most of my deepest connections with people on the internet. I much prefer it that way and I'm very introverted, so being around people for too long really drains me. It is much better this way for me, though sometimes I do wish that I had somebody IRL :(

 

[luc]

used to
my friends were always more popular then me in school, so after we parted ways they just forgot about me

 

[tera_forest]

Slowly losing the few friends I have because I keep pushing people away. I feel a bit sad that I won't have friends much longer but it's tiring to keep up, and stupid of me to expect them to be okay with this one sided relationship

 

[fleshgarden]

I used to have tons of friends, by now I've drifted away from them all, except for one (I don't know if I'm that close with him anymore, previously he was my best friend of five years). there's also my girlfriend who I am closest with. I don't see myself having a future with her because I think she will leave me (despite her telling me she wont) so I don't have any hope in this part. I have people I associate with but my relationship with them feels so shallow and one sided.

 

[uniqueusername39]

It seems like a lot of people on this forum are totally or almost totally alone.

Me personally, I do have some friends and I used to be popular until I had a breakdown. But none of my friendships are deep or meaningful to me, it all feels incredibly shallow. I have no one in my life who I feel that I can share my true feelings with, and so the relationships I do have bring me little comfort. Even the girl I am dating, I can't talk to her about my dark thoughts at all.

I have family but they are halfway across the country and we barely speak. I will feel really bad for my dad when I CTB because we have a good relationship, but I can't justify continuing to live.

Do you have people in your life? What are your relationships like?

I have one special person. I tell him everything except the things I tell to Sanctioned Suicide. We play games, watch stuff, exercise, eat together. We dream we would get a house and live together in the next chapter of our lives.

I have a dog. I love him so much. I can't imagine him dying before me. He's very young still, but it's a constant fear.

I have my family and I live with them, though we barely talk except if it's about money or getting food.

I don't have friends in the workplace. I talk to people here, but only because of necessity. I go to work, do my work, and go home.

I have one friend that I've been inviting for coffee out, just to kill some time and to talk to someone new. But our schedules haven't aligned yet so we haven't gone out yet.

I have one friend from high school that I never talk to first. She's always the one messaging first and asking how's life, etc etc. I respond accordingly. She's a sweet person and I like her company. Then the conversation goes silent until she messages me again a month or so later. (As I write this, I just texted her if maybe we could go out for coffee some time. Impulsive decision but life's getting boring so why not.)

And...that's it. I only really have one person. My only wish is that he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. I'm afraid he's getting bored of being with me, though I know he'd never admit that.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I have 4 people who actually show that they care about me. I think that if you end up with ONE such person in your life, you'd better count your blessings.

 

[maybemonday]

I haven't had any friends since I transitioned at age 12. It's been almost ten years... I think I'm incapable of making friends. I don't have any interesting traits or any hobbies or interests. Depression robbed me of all passion in life. I will die alone.

 

[didn't-it-rain]

Not really. For the most part I'm fairly isolated, one or two old friends I occasionally text. I was always a little insecure about it, assuming there's something wrong with me as a person... but I think at the end of the day I just don't value friendships all that much. Maybe even people for that matter? I seek people on whom I can dump walls-of-text... :-o Maybe that means I'm a sociopath. Or maybe I only have so much energy and being around people is exhausting. Hell, even trying to form friendships online (where I spend most of my time) feels like too much. Either way, it's sad. I wish things were different, I envy the ability to have close friends sometimes...

That said, I have been talking to someone for the past month, and we are slated to meet in person later this week. It took me a while to get to the point where I felt "brave" enough to meet in person, and although I hope this will be different (I am a different person now), hell to a certain extent I'm even excited, I'm trying to temper my expectations. Again - sad either way.