Discussion Do you have any, even if its just a little, hope for the new year?

[scary]

Like the title suggests, do you have any (if at all) hope for 2026? I personally don't think I do. 2025 has just been a bit of a nightmare for me, and I don't think '26 will change for the better personally, but what about you guys? I do hope at least some of you either find the best method for yourself or even recover and leave the site entirely

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I don't have any hope left for the new year my fiancé brought home a Christmas gift from her best friend which contained a expensive purse and 2 labubus which had their initials along with other various luxuries she then served Mr dinner with only a giant steak knife as the utensil :/ safe to say I'm doomed.

 

[scary]

I don't have any hope left for the new year my fiancé brought home a Christmas gift from her best friend which contained a expensive purse and 2 labubus which had their initials along with other various luxuries she then served Mr dinner with only a giant steak knife as the utensil :/ safe to say I'm doomed.

I am so sorry that happened to you. if I may ask, did your fiancé request the initals on the Labubus or was that all her friend's idea?

 

[peacecomingsoon]

No hope for the new year. It's been 2 years since I survived my last suicide attempt and I realise more and more each day that absolutely nothing has changed since that day. That I wish I had died that day. Having hope for the next year would be to have hope that things could change and I don't think they can. I've had yearly depressive episodes every year since 13 and at this point I'm so tired and just want to die. When you've tried so many treatments, therapies, lifestyle changes, have been stable/well mood-wise and still have no desire or meaning to live, it is a struggle to find any hope.

Sometimes my brain tries to trick me into waiting a little longer or thinking that once this episode ends maybe things will really change... However I know that I can't change things and that I can't put in the sheer effort required to change things for better even when 'well'. I too wish that others on here or people who are not entirely certain may find another way... But at the same time maybe some of us were just never made for this world and I think I am one of them.

 

[Carryline]

My only hope is that i catch the bus ... That is my plane for new year

 

[Unlucky777]

I have a lot of hope for 2026. I'm going back to school to study something I love and start a new life. I'm back at home with my family and I'm reconnecting with them. I'm trying to rebuild the life I once had, the one that collapsed. I'm healing from years and years of trauma and things are looking up for me.

However, despite all of this, I still have CTB on the back of my mind. I'm in a weird place because part of healing from the trauma and past mistakes are making me want to CTB. IDK I am very confused right now

 

[scary]

No hope for the new year. It's been 2 years since I survived my last suicide attempt and I realise more and more each day that absolutely nothing has changed since that day. That I wish I had died that day. Having hope for the next year would be to have hope that things could change and I don't think they can. I've had yearly depressive episodes every year since 13 and at this point I'm so tired and just want to die. When you've tried so many treatments, therapies, lifestyle changes, have been stable/well mood-wise and still have no desire or meaning to live, it is a struggle to find any hope.

Sometimes my brain tries to trick me into waiting a little longer or thinking that once this episode ends maybe things will really change... However I know that I can't change things and that I can't put in the sheer effort required to change things for better even when 'well'. I too wish that others on here or people who are not entirely certain may find another way... But at the same time maybe some of us were just never made for this world and I think I am one of them.

God bless you, I imagine surviving an attempt would be very mentally and physically exhausting. The fact that you've actively tried to get better says something though, please don't forget that, even if you do choose to CTB.

My only hope is that i catch the bus ... That is my plane for new year

Same here, I really do hope we both find peace

I have a lot of hope for 2026. I'm going back to school to study something I love and start a new life. I'm back at home with my family and I'm reconnecting with them. I'm trying to rebuild the life I once had, the one that collapsed. I'm healing from years and years of trauma and things are looking up for me.

However, despite all of this, I still have CTB on the back of my mind. I'm in a weird place because part of healing from the trauma and past mistakes are making me want to CTB. IDK I am very confused right now

Happy for you! Its ok to be confused on whether or not you'd still want to do it. Still I hope you end up recovering fully and build a better life

 

[Unlucky777]

No hope for the new year. It's been 2 years since I survived my last suicide attempt and I realise more and more each day that absolutely nothing has changed since that day. That I wish I had died that day. Having hope for the next year would be to have hope that things could change and I don't think they can. I've had yearly depressive episodes every year since 13 and at this point I'm so tired and just want to die. When you've tried so many treatments, therapies, lifestyle changes, have been stable/well mood-wise and still have no desire or meaning to live, it is a struggle to find any hope.

Sometimes my brain tries to trick me into waiting a little longer or thinking that once this episode ends maybe things will really change... However I know that I can't change things and that I can't put in the sheer effort required to change things for better even when 'well'. I too wish that others on here or people who are not entirely certain may find another way... But at the same time maybe some of us were just never made for this world and I think I am one of them.

I feel where you are coming from. I would say the same stuff up until recently when I started ketamine therapy. That has helped me tremendously with my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It is definitely worth trying. I also feel like I'm not meant for this world. That feeling fucking sucks but you know what? I didn't always feel that way. So I know it's possible to not feel that way.

Have you always felt that way? Were there ever periods in life that felt like the opposite?

 

[otoyikim]

The only hope i have is that my psych might have one of her appointments cancelled and i might finally meet her.

If that doesn't happen, i am ending it before the finals.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

I feel where you are coming from. I would say the same stuff up until recently when I started ketamine therapy. That has helped me tremendously with my depression, anxiety, and PTSD. It is definitely worth trying. I also feel like I'm not meant for this world. That feeling fucking sucks but you know what? I didn't always feel that way. So I know it's possible to not feel that way.

Have you always felt that way? Were there ever periods in life that felt like the opposite?

That is a nice way to think about things - how we haven't always felt this way... Thank you for sharing that. I'd say looking back I probably haven't always felt this way. Before moving countries, when I was younger perhaps before age 11, I felt I belonged more and had more of a community and wasn't always so scared of feeling judged by others either. This was before the depressive feelings and suicidal thoughts began too. I don't remember much of my time before though honestly. I don't remember many memories or have many happy memories despite being fortunate and having loving parents. It's like as every year has passed by I lose more and more memories of any previous happiness and more parts of me, the important parts of who I was before this.

I think knowing you can't go back in time too to change things hurts. Knowing what could have been, the lost potential and the pain I'll cause to my family whom I know love me. But I just can't stay any longer and not for others anymore either... I wonder if you understand this?

It's so hard to speak openly about these feelings in real life to anyone. There have been periods in life that have felt the opposite though. I believe I've been diagnosed with bipolar so experience high periods occasionally and they are the complete opposite but last too short a time. And even during these periods of intense happiness, still things don't change and I become 'too much' for the people around me and crash right back to where I was before afterwards, to a life without meaning. It's like a never ending cycle I can't end unless through ctb. This also means that if and when I do seek 'help' it always ends up in everyone insisting on medications and I never feel like I have any choice in the matter. Everyone just seems to want you functional enough to appear normal and work, your actual quality of life or the way you feel internally does not matter. It's such a disappointment... All the 'help' I've received even though I'm still young too. I am curious about the ketamine therapy though, did you find it helped you long term or only short term? Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry you feel this way too.

 

[scary]

The only hope i have is that my psych might have one of her appointments cancelled and i might finally meet her.

If that doesn't happen, i am ending it before the finals.

Either way, I hope it goes well for you and that you seek peace wherever

 

[supergold#2]

honestly, no, if i'm being honest i feel like it's only going to get worse from here, for the rest of my life, until the day i die. diagnosed shizoaffective bipolar, borderline, ptsd, my choices are either take meds and never have coherent thoughts or feel literally any emotion again, or go off my meds maybe feel happy for a minute or two before the next harrowing psychositic episode hits; like, either way i am just utterly and unavoidably fucked.

downward spiral aside, i'm trying not to be so pessimistic and wait as long as i can, if for no other reason than bc I don't want to dissapoint my mom lmao

 

[Unlucky777]

That is a nice way to think about things - how we haven't always felt this way... Thank you for sharing that. I'd say looking back I probably haven't always felt this way. Before moving countries, when I was younger perhaps before age 11, I felt I belonged more and had more of a community and wasn't always so scared of feeling judged by others either. This was before the depressive feelings and suicidal thoughts began too. I don't remember much of my time before though honestly. I don't remember many memories or have many happy memories despite being fortunate and having loving parents. It's like as every year has passed by I lose more and more memories of any previous happiness and more parts of me, the important parts of who I was before this.

I think knowing you can't go back in time too to change things hurts. Knowing what could have been, the lost potential and the pain I'll cause to my family whom I know love me. But I just can't stay any longer and not for others anymore either... I wonder if you understand this?

It's so hard to speak openly about these feelings in real life to anyone. There have been periods in life that have felt the opposite though. I believe I've been diagnosed with bipolar so experience high periods occasionally and they are the complete opposite but last too short a time. And even during these periods of intense happiness, still things don't change and I become 'too much' for the people around me and crash right back to where I was before afterwards, to a life without meaning. It's like a never ending cycle I can't end unless through ctb. This also means that if and when I do seek 'help' it always ends up in everyone insisting on medications and I never feel like I have any choice in the matter. Everyone just seems to want you functional enough to appear normal and work, your actual quality of life or the way you feel internally does not matter. It's such a disappointment... All the 'help' I've received even though I'm still young too. I am curious about the ketamine therapy though, did you find it helped you long term or only short term? Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry you feel this way too.

Yeah so it's totally our depression/CTB thoughts that skew and distort our thinking into making us believe that we don't belong. That we don't fit in. These feelings were never pervasive outside of my depressed states.

It's OK to not remember or have forgotten memories, especially if you faced trauma in your life. This is also very true if you are on bipolar meds. I am not 100% sure how the psychology works but experiencing trauma will cause you to not remember events. That is very true for me also. Over the last 15 years I experienced a lot of trauma and I have difficulty recollecting even good memories from the period (hint: people trying to remind me of the memories and I have no recollection of them).

And the other part with bipolar meds will also fuck up your memory big time like it did with me. After years of being medicated for supposedly being bipolar (that's another story for another day) I've come to the conclusion that I'm NOT bipolar and I suffer from trauma which closely resembles bipolar symptoms. I've taken myself off all bipolar meds cold turkey and guess what? My memory is coming back.

Yeah and I totally relate to the not being able to go back and change things, the lost potential, lost opportunities, lost chances, etc. I'm 44 now and I've been living under someone's spell for the last 13/14 years and I'm finally starting to pick myself back up again build my life from scratch. So yeah recovery IS possible and it is very much doable despite what your brain may tell you.

And it is very much possible to live a healthy and happy lifestyle WITHOUT meds. I feel that people are overly medicated and people can live happy lives with simple (but hard to implement lifestyle changes). I'm living proof of that. I stopped taking ALL psych meds since July 2024 and made a lot of changes in my life and I'm at the best I've ever been despite having desire to CTB here and there.

Ketamine therapy is amazing but it's also very difficult to get around if you have a bipolar diagnosis in the past. It has helped me for the last 2 months. My ways of thinking now are radically different because of neuroplasticity, ketamine allows for the brain to heal its wiring. Getting ketamine therapy was difficult because of my bipolar diagnosis but it is very possible to get the treatment you need and deserve.

Sorry for rambling, feel free to DM me if you have questions. I feel like your story seems a little similar to mine. Also it's very difficult to talk to people about these topics because most have never dealt with these things so yeah feel free to DM if you want to talk

 

[scary]

honestly, no, if i'm being honest i feel like it's only going to get worse from here, for the rest of my life, until the day i die. diagnosed shizoaffective bipolar, borderline, ptsd, my choices are either take meds and never have coherent thoughts or feel literally any emotion again, or go off my meds maybe feel happy for a minute or two before the next harrowing psychositic episode hits; like, either way i am just utterly and unavoidably fucked.

downward spiral aside, i'm trying not to be so pessimistic and wait as long as i can, if for no other reason than bc I don't want to dissapoint my mom lmao

I personally don't think you should worry about 'disappointing' anyone if you do decide to CTB. Believe me, I know its hard to get out of that mindset but at the end of the day its your call, not hers. Even if there is a scenario where you 'fail' your attempt and you wake up in the hospital, please don't stress about what other people would think or say. The people who love you will understand. At the end of the day Its your life, what do you think is the best call?

Also I am so sorry about the mental health issues, I'll say it with everyone else in this thread but I really hope you find peace however that may be

 

[XdragonsoulX]

I am so sorry that happened to you. if I may ask, did your fiancé request the initals on the Labubus or was that all her friend's idea?

His idea, they work together, my hours at work are changing too so they would have 3hrs of alone time after work by the time I'd get off. I think I will probably hang myself in the morning after she leaves for work. Drink all the high caffeine cold brew I have and take some ecstacy and go off myself. If I end up having the car I'll text her just before to have her boyfriend take her home. Since he bought her dinner a lot these past few weeks and got her that purse and shit. I didn't have much left only my grandma. I feel so so bad for her not even put her husband in the mausoleum and had his funeral yet and now her grandson will need to be cremated as well. :( I wanted a better life for me I didn't want to just be called the family disappointment but that's it that's what deck of cards I ended up with.
I'll forever just be the deadbeat addict incapable of living up to anything but a disappointment to everyone. Nothing else in life matters to me anymore I've pretty much subtly been told that and I now have to face the reaper I knew I should've done this on October 16th

His idea, they work together, my hours at work are changing too so they would have 3hrs of alone time after work by the time I'd get off. I think I will probably hang myself in the morning after she leaves for work. Drink all the high caffeine cold brew I have and take some ecstacy and go off myself. If I end up having the car I'll text her just before to have her boyfriend take her home. Since he bought her dinner a lot these past few weeks and got her that purse and shit. I didn't have much left only my grandma. I feel so so bad for her not even put her husband in the mausoleum and had his funeral yet and now her grandson will need to be cremated as well. :( I wanted a better life for me I didn't want to just be called the family disappointment but that's it that's what deck of cards I ended up with.

 

[scary]

His idea, they work together, my hours at work are changing too so they would have 3hrs of alone time after work by the time I'd get off. I think I will probably hang myself in the morning after she leaves for work. Drink all the high caffeine cold brew I have and take some ecstacy and go off myself. If I end up having the car I'll text her just before to have her boyfriend take her home. Since he bought her dinner a lot these past few weeks and got her that purse and shit. I didn't have much left only my grandma. I feel so so bad for her not even put her husband in the mausoleum and had his funeral yet and now her grandson will need to be cremated as well. :( I wanted a better life for me I didn't want to just be called the family disappointment but that's it that's what deck of cards I ended up with.

I've never been in a relationship like that before and I'm hoping and praying that maybe in the next life if I CTB I'll find love, and I hope you'll find someone who loves and appreciates you too man. I don't blame you for thinking there's a secret affair going on between your fiancé and her friend. It's really awful how unloyal a lot of people in this world are and now you're suffering because of their selfish actions. I'm sure you were a lovely partner. Money can't buy her forever so she's really missing out on you.

 

[supergold#2]

I personally don't think you should worry about 'disappointing' anyone if you do decide to CTB. Believe me, I know its hard to get out of that mindset but at the end of the day its your call, not hers. Even if there is a scenario where you 'fail' your attempt and you wake up in the hospital, please don't stress about what other people would think or say. The people who love you will understand. At the end of the day Its your life, what do you think is the best call?

Also I am so sorry about the mental health issues, I'll say it with everyone else in this thread but I really hope you find peace however that may be

oh yeah no like, i genuinely appreciate the comfort and the sentiment, but I should have prefaced that i'm nothing if not really good at catastrophically failing suicides and racking up those frequent flier miles at the local ICU lmao
probs tmi, but I just meant like, her best friend just died recently and she's mentioned a few times now that she wouldn't be able to handle it now, so, like, i can relate there, i can wait for bit

 

[kouna]

Absolutely no hope or will to live.
I'm only alive because I wait for my divorce to be completed.

 

[°opulentGambler°]

Not really. I'm giving myself until my birthday before trying anything tho, maybe my luck changes.

 

[rlllyydepressed]

I don't have any hope at all my goal is to not even reach the next year honestly.

 

[idk i forgot xx]

None. "He who lives hoping, dies shitting" is a saying down here.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I just hope I can get through it and if I'm in a position to be able to suicide, I hope I succeed.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

After running the new years experiment many times and getting consistent results, I can scientifically say: "NOPE"

 

[itsgone2]

None.
Everything is wrong and getting worse

 

[Chairbed3]

No, honestly. The last remnants of hope that I had in the beginning of this year are now wrung out.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

Yeah so it's totally our depression/CTB thoughts that skew and distort our thinking into making us believe that we don't belong. That we don't fit in. These feelings were never pervasive outside of my depressed states.

It's OK to not remember or have forgotten memories, especially if you faced trauma in your life. This is also very true if you are on bipolar meds. I am not 100% sure how the psychology works but experiencing trauma will cause you to not remember events. That is very true for me also. Over the last 15 years I experienced a lot of trauma and I have difficulty recollecting even good memories from the period (hint: people trying to remind me of the memories and I have no recollection of them).

And the other part with bipolar meds will also fuck up your memory big time like it did with me. After years of being medicated for supposedly being bipolar (that's another story for another day) I've come to the conclusion that I'm NOT bipolar and I suffer from trauma which closely resembles bipolar symptoms. I've taken myself off all bipolar meds cold turkey and guess what? My memory is coming back.

Yeah and I totally relate to the not being able to go back and change things, the lost potential, lost opportunities, lost chances, etc. I'm 44 now and I've been living under someone's spell for the last 13/14 years and I'm finally starting to pick myself back up again build my life from scratch. So yeah recovery IS possible and it is very much doable despite what your brain may tell you.

And it is very much possible to live a healthy and happy lifestyle WITHOUT meds. I feel that people are overly medicated and people can live happy lives with simple (but hard to implement lifestyle changes). I'm living proof of that. I stopped taking ALL psych meds since July 2024 and made a lot of changes in my life and I'm at the best I've ever been despite having desire to CTB here and there.

Ketamine therapy is amazing but it's also very difficult to get around if you have a bipolar diagnosis in the past. It has helped me for the last 2 months. My ways of thinking now are radically different because of neuroplasticity, ketamine allows for the brain to heal its wiring. Getting ketamine therapy was difficult because of my bipolar diagnosis but it is very possible to get the treatment you need and deserve.

Sorry for rambling, feel free to DM me if you have questions. I feel like your story seems a little similar to mine. Also it's very difficult to talk to people about these topics because most have never dealt with these things so yeah feel free to DM if you want to talk

Thanks so much for the reply. I appreciate it and you're not rambling at all... Although I am planning CTB in just under a week's time, I would like to DM you when I can (new member, can't currently) before I go through with the plans. It would be nice to hear a different perspective even though I am already decided. Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

Something as evil and torturous as existence that just causes endless amounts or cruelty, harm and suffering is always completely hopeless to me, I could never get what is supposedly so hopeful about all this dreadful suffering this existence causes rather it's the opposite, no matter what I'll always see existence itself as the true problem, existence is an abomination that has only ever caused suffering and I could never see any hope in being burdened with this deeply undesirable, painful existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured.


To be enslaved in this existence truly is the most terrible burden to me that just leads to decay and facing the extreme agony and torture of old age, existence really is the most terrible mistake to me just causes pain and suffering and agony all for the sake of it with existing beings tortured every second, it's all so evil to me and the fact that humans actually decide to punish others by burdening them with this existence that there was never a need for truly is the most terrible, dreadful tragedy, to exist means to suffer and I'll only be at peace from suffering in non-existence, I wish to erase this existence, only non-existence could ever be beautiful to me, I only see beauty in never suffering in this hellish, dreadful existence ever again, all that existence has ever done is caused suffering and the suffering and torture of existing is endless.

 

[kuroshimi]

Maybe a little hope left?..

I feel like my life always been such a terrible experience and I don't think it will get better anytime soon, especially in the next year.

 

[mybodyhurts]

suicidal because of chronic pain. I've only held out this long out of hope of one day being pain free. Several of my doctors have recommended a spinal stimulator that has helped some of their most severe patients become pain free. My insurance kept denying it and closed my case. I'm tired of fighting and my hope is gone. I'm so ready to not be in pain anymore

 

[un.exist]

I wish.
Things will get even worse next year. I get that nasty feeling of dread just thinking of it.
Hopefully, I'll ctb before then.