Discussion Do you guys have any hope left ?

[zdeweilx]

Are you still secretly waiting that things will eventually get better ? Or are you just stuck in the "i want to CTB but i don't know how / i'm not sure of which method i should go with".

I realized i'm ready to go and the only thing holding me back from saying goodbye is the fear of suffering a painful death.

 

[BillyBob]

No hope here at all. All treatments that I have had eventually fail in one form or another.
Unable to hold down a job due to health reasons and feel like I am constantly wasting resources that could be used on someone else in dire need it breaks my heart.
The fact I am slowly going broke on top of it all is just adding another laying to the no hope at all.

 

[snailfish3000]

not really if im being honest, ive reached out to people for help and nothing good has come from it

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No, I'm here because of a permanent problem that I have no intention of accepting or adjusting to. I'm just waiting until I feel ready, which I expect will be soon.

 

[zdeweilx]

No hope here at all. All treatments that I have had eventually fail in one form or another.
Unable to hold down a job due to health reasons and feel like I am constantly wasting resources that could be used on someone else in dire need it breaks my heart.
The fact I am slowly going broke on top of it all is just adding another laying to the no hope at all.

Work is killing me too. I can relate.

not really if im being honest, ive reached out to people for help and nothing good has come from it

Same here.

No, I'm here because of a permanent problem that I have no intention of accepting or adjusting to. I'm just waiting until I feel ready, which I expect will be soon.

It's so complicated to go from "i want to do it" to "i'm doing it today".

 

[itsgone2]

No hope. It's all I think about. My life is completely ruined. It's horrific. Absolutely horrific.

 

[fungus]

Sometimes. Theoretically I have still most of my life ahead so thinks could get better. But the more often I fail at making progress in my life and the more often I come back to the point where ctb is an option, the less I actually believe that so much would change. It isn't like I don't try it just doesn't do much. And after so much time I am tired and disillusioned with all this.

 

[Liebestod]

No I want the world to end.

 

[Kazu Ha]

No hope, only pain.
I'm going back to therapy soon, but what's the point? It didn't help in the past, so why should it help now?

I think my wounds are too deep and I'm too tired.

 

[MicahBell]

Are you still secretly waiting that things will eventually get better ? Or are you just stuck in the "i want to CTB but i don't know how / i'm not sure of which method i should go with".

I realized i'm ready to go and the only thing holding me back from saying goodbye is the fear of suffering a painful death.

Nah. I don't see any future for myself. I don't want to generate shareholder. I tried telling my mother I was suicidal once. She just asked "did you ever think of your family?" Then that was the end of that.

 

[fallingbehind]

I really dont know what better would even mean for me

 

[boyafraid]

I stopped feeling any sort of hope(for the most part) after my first 2 years of this shit. I'm almost at year 7 which scares me lol. The hope ship sailed a long time ago for me. I have just come to terms with it, and don't try to fight it. I've pretty much given up and hit rock bottom at this point.

I'm ready to go I just need a couple more weeks for preparation. I wish things were not the way the are. Not happy I have to go down this road but it's inevitable.

Nah. I don't see any future for myself. I don't want to generate shareholder. I tried telling my mother I was suicidal once. She just asked "did you ever think of your family?" Then that was the end of that.

Damm I'm sorry your mom reacted that way. It's hard af when people like that are supposed support to be our emotional support system.

No I want the world to end.

I fantasize about that sometimes too. Throught the years, I was always stoked when I heard news of an asteroid coming our way lol. Then let down, when it would not hit us.

 

[KattinKai!]

Are you still secretly waiting that things will eventually get better ? Or are you just stuck in the "i want to CTB but i don't know how / i'm not sure of which method i should go with".

I realized i'm ready to go and the only thing holding me back from saying goodbye is the fear of suffering a painful death.

I want to die, I just don't have what I need.

 

[sweetdrowning]

I guess I must have some kind of hope left. I think most of it is hoping that somehow my situation can turn into what I had dreamed it to be, but with my mental illness I think it is kind of impossible now. So I guess the hope is there when I suspend my disbelief, usually when dissociating. But at my core I know that my life with end by ctb.

 

[greenbeans]

No hope but i dont want to CTB because i dont want to hurt the few people who actually care. But Im done with trying to get help i was denied therapy and other forms of help so im in the process of slowly pushing people away.

 

[crazyotterkelly]

seriously don't. as a trans woman i have tried to better the picture after my parents threw me out out. thats been close to a decade at 24. homelessness 4 times and barely escaped it from working two jobs. i won't be as lucky when my luck runs out in a few months. rather save myself the pain

 

[laceydreams]

Stopped having hope a long time ago

 

[39hatsune]

not much, i dont really have anything to live for

 

[No_Body]

Are you still secretly waiting that things will eventually get better ? Or are you just stuck in the "i want to CTB but i don't know how / i'm not sure of which method i should go with".

I realized i'm ready to go and the only thing holding me back from saying goodbye is the fear of suffering a painful death.

no hope
no more delusions

i am ready to depart soon

 

[Freedombus'25]

Not much and any bit of it im tryna stamp down on bc this life is ass.

A lil hope isnt enough for tangible shit to change.

I just want this to be fucking over.

 

[snowisfalling]

I have hope, but I am aware that it is a delusion, and no matter what I will be smited by my own actions. It's as if, on one hand, I feel like I can partially embody this Healed Self, but there is always this little parasite that infects it, and this is also endemic to who I am. I suspect I will never be able to live happily because of certain inherent personal failings, no matter how much I try to overcome them, overcome the thoughts, etc.

 

[Wishingforadream]

No hope. I can't see a future worth living for.
It's better to go now then live decades in misery.

 

[kuroshimi]

Probably have some hope left, because there is a still faith that after bad luck comes the streak of good luck, but each time there is less and less of it.

Guess I'm not quite ready to CTB, because I still want to experience things and also scared by the fact that after I gone the life will continue. On the other side, I will be probably too dead to care.

 

[32yroldloser]

i'm in the ER right now trying to give the whole chronic pain relief thing one more chance, and then i'm done. i'll just put all my effort into killing myself if this fails again

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's slightly more- I don't even have much desire for the things I used to want. So, hope it kind of irrelevant- because I'm not even bothered about those things. It's not impossible things could happen in the future that would be advantageous but- I'd need to work very hard to get them. Plus- seeing as similar things in the past haven't been satisfying enough, why would they be worth the effort now?

So for me, it's not quite such an intense dismay but a more pessimistic feeling that- even if I got the things I thought I wanted, would they really make so much difference? Almost like running a marathon in a circle and finding yourself back at the start.

My main hope I suppose is that I will have the courage to free myself from this when I finally feel that I can. After my Dad goes first. Till then, it will be a case of trying my best to tread water. Which will be a struggle as it is.

 

[Chocomel]

Are you still secretly waiting that things will eventually get better ? Or are you just stuck in the "i want to CTB but i don't know how / i'm not sure of which method i should go with".

I realized i'm ready to go and the only thing holding me back from saying goodbye is the fear of suffering a painful death.

Very much agree with your last statement here. I even too cowardly to even face the failure of my own death, I'm afraid I'm just gonna end up in hospital and life would just get worse from there because now everybody know I'm suicidal.

As for hope... I don't really know... I just don't think about the future that often, I just think about what I need to do to survive today and that's it. I never thought about some magical thing suddenly happening that change my life trejactory for the better

 

[Carryline]

My only hope is SN

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I have some hope, but sometimes this debt makes me feel otherwise.

 

[zdeweilx]

Very much agree with your last statement here. I even too cowardly to even face the failure of my own death, I'm afraid I'm just gonna end up in hospital and life would just get worse from there because now everybody know I'm suicidal.

As for hope... I don't really know... I just don't think about the future that often, I just think about what I need to do to survive today and that's it. I never thought about some magical thing suddenly happening that change my life trejactory for the better

Yeah even in death the fear of failure is so crippling. And what if it's painful... attempting is the equivalent of venturing in uncharted territories. I guess that's why it's so difficult to do it.

 

[woofwag]

Naw, not really. I think I have always hoped things would change. I would get better somehow, stop being disabled, find a way to make money off of my writing since that's always been my passion. I always hoped it would change, but deep down, just knowing myself and my patterns well enough, I always sorta knew it wouldn't happen. Now I see that the nagging voices who tell me I can't do anything were right all along! But it won't stop them from screaming until I'm actually dead. So, now I have hope that death will be the peace I need. It has to be. I don't even care to try anything else at this point. I'm far too disillusioned with it all.