
easypeasy
The.only.white.sheep
- Jul 1, 2024
- 183
Do you find that things happen to try and stop you?
This weekend I'm planning my exit. I've printed any letters I needed. Arranged my will - bound and certified. Cancelled subscriptions. Listed my super and bank/health insurance details for cancelling.
The past month I have been quiet. Just now I got a text from my good friend who has done the most to try and save and help me since the physical pain left me ruined3 years ago. He said "I'm away right now but I just want you to know I'm here if you need to vent/cry".
It's like people know what's about to happen. Partly because I've distanced myself since my situation worsened. Talking about it definitely makes me feel sad and in no way benefits me.
The thing stopping me is not wanting to hurt my friends who went above and beyond to love me. Sadly.. my family who are the reason I can't go in with this level of pain…aren't the ones who will mourn me. It's my friends who will struggle.
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. It goes against my nature to hurt people I love but there's nothing left to try. No conversation or medical procedure left unturned. I hate that I will hurt them. Especially my best friend. She will pay the price for what happened to me and what I couldn't endure.
This weekend I'm planning my exit. I've printed any letters I needed. Arranged my will - bound and certified. Cancelled subscriptions. Listed my super and bank/health insurance details for cancelling.
The past month I have been quiet. Just now I got a text from my good friend who has done the most to try and save and help me since the physical pain left me ruined3 years ago. He said "I'm away right now but I just want you to know I'm here if you need to vent/cry".
It's like people know what's about to happen. Partly because I've distanced myself since my situation worsened. Talking about it definitely makes me feel sad and in no way benefits me.
The thing stopping me is not wanting to hurt my friends who went above and beyond to love me. Sadly.. my family who are the reason I can't go in with this level of pain…aren't the ones who will mourn me. It's my friends who will struggle.
If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. It goes against my nature to hurt people I love but there's nothing left to try. No conversation or medical procedure left unturned. I hate that I will hurt them. Especially my best friend. She will pay the price for what happened to me and what I couldn't endure.