Do you ever think about a different life?

[yidhraluvr]

There have been days in which I just sit and think for hours and wonder what if my life was different. What if instead of my current sad life I actually experienced what people my age are experiencing, friendship's relationships party's in general just having fun like every normal human. I wish I could actually change my life but I'm far too gone already and don't plan on staying much here longer.

 

[kitkatt]

Yes. Day dreaming of what I could have or achieve has definitely kept me in a loop of I'm gonna end it or well I'll try for a bit more. My memory's poor and I like to think I'm pretty good at gaslighting myself into staying but I fear I'm starting to see through my bullshit.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. I see my life differently now. The things I should have done. I don't know why I was the way I was. Mental illness? Just a bad person? I didn't want to be. I was cruel and I regret it completely. I'd give anything for a second chance

 

[Quietist]

Every day.

Too bad it isn't doing anything for "manifestation".

 

[SaulGoodmanxX]

Of course. What if id gone to college right after high school, what if i kept my electrician job, what if i tried to get into a relationship, or even if i was born into a different family, if my parents didnt get divorced ect ect. There are a near infinite amount of ways this life could have gone and could go, but im afraid every path wouldve probably led to here. (and hello fellow milk-chan :PP)

 

[livingdeaddyke]

all the time, every single day. i want to live a live that's better than mine's, it made me have extreme envy for people around me, while yes, their life may not be perfect, it's so much better than mine.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes. Maybe having a different family or mom tbh. Maybe actually said yes in some life cyanging things and actually tried ?

I even thought of if i could be adopted or convinced I was adopted.


Or those rich peeps who are now sipping margaritas and are in a private parties doing whatever they wish in a comfortable way of living.

 

[ellisdisappeared]

Yes, I especially relate to daydreaming of possible relationships since I honestly have no connections in my life at the moment. I sometimes think about my future and if there's anyway to save it but I always end up in a dead end, which just makes me spiral into the same loop all over again.

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes. But without resources it's fruitless.

 

[Hollowman]

I used to but it just drove me more insane. I accepted my fate and now I'm pretty much comfortably numb.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, similar to you maybe, I wonder what life would have been like if I were more confident. If I'd risen higher in my career. That was partly down to limited skill/ talent but then also- the obvious fact that I'm not comfortable working/ being around other people. To the extent that I eventually found ways to avoid it all together.

I suppose I wonder if I would have been happier had I taken that route. For a long while, I so hoped to work within a company that felt like family. I wonder how often that actually happens though. With all the various characters thrown in together, I imagine there are always office politics going on.

Although I wonder about that life, I often also think how difficult it would have been to overcome social anxiety to have it. And- would I ever have overcome it entirely? Could it even have made me happy if I was still anxious?

I also wonder how my life would have turned out if my Mum hadn't died when I was 3. My Dad's subsequent remarriage was the start of my suicidal journey. I wonder if I would even be suicidal now- if she had lived.

 

[aesthetic]

maybe in another life i wouldn't want a different life.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, no matter what I'd never wish for the terrible, torturous and painful abomination of existence that just causes all this harm and suffering and for me no matter what every second will always be torture to exist.

All I want is peace from this dreadful, evil existence of suffering all for the sake of it that just causes all this dreadful suffering with no limit as to how much one can be tortured, for me existence itself is always the true problem and I suffer simply from being conscious in this existence I just always saw as the most dreadful, terrible mistake.

To me existing is always so deeply undesirable in every way, for me non-existence is all that's positive, for me ceasing to exist would be the positive solution to find peace from the suffering and torture of existing where existing beings are in agony every second, I find it so horrific how a human can suffer for decades longer just to face way worse agony and torture.

 

[thelostautistic]

I always think about how much easier life would be if I wasn't autistic

 

[Forveleth]

Maladaptive daydreamer here. Thinking about a different life wavers between a hobby and a full time job for me.

 

[chudpolonais]

I sure as hell do, god I wish I had friends and a social life in general

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I would never want anything in this evil world or evil life, not even what they say is a good life

for me nothing matters except avoiding constant unbearable pain

to me the only things that matter deal with me avoiding unbearable pain and my suicide asap which would avoid unbearable pain forever

to me constant unbearable pain outweighs pleasurable things by a billion times

I don't care about partaking in any pleasurable addiction. but I do care about avoiding unbearable pain, extreme suffering,extreme torture

I hate the pleasurable addictions like watching youtu.be videos social media news TV the most because these distracted me from reality and wasted all my time i could have used to get Nembutal and have it ready to go defeating si and i'd be out of this hell

the only thing I regret is not working to defeat si , getting my suicide method decided ready to go and killing myself

people have told me I should get a gf pets have children get married. I say I don't need any of that. why do I have to do any of that or even continue to live? i don't have to

what I do need is Nembutal which would solve all my problems forever. while imo the aforementioned would only distract me from reality and my goal of ctb , and cause stress problems work that are not necessary


to me all the things they constantly say are so good and important and part of a good life are meaningless fleeting fake bait for the worst torture. to me even the sacred romantic relationship friends girlfriend family having children, sunsets are totally meaningless .

there's much more to this.

 

[thefarter]

Yeah :3 yeah always bro.
unfortunately ive lost my mind sooo there's no way out except to end myself

 

[Macedonian1987]

There have been days in which I just sit and think for hours and wonder what if my life was different. What if instead of my current sad life I actually experienced what people my age are experiencing, friendship's relationships party's in general just having fun like every normal human. I wish I could actually change my life but I'm far too gone already and don't plan on staying much here longer.

Even at this age of 38, I still daydream almost on a daily basis that I have a totally different life. A life with friends, relationships, love life, not being avoided by all because of my autism, having a family.

I'm sadly too far gone too, and my physical health is in ruins. I may have 38 , but my body aches like I'm in my 70s. This is why I will probably ctb this year. Why stay, who would benefit from my suffering? The only logical thing to do is to just end my suffering.

 

[kk13]

All the time. I want a life where i dont think of giving up every day and just live a normal life.

 

[Andrew10]

I sometimes have that thought, but it instantly fades from my mind when I remember that a large part of my desire to leave this world comes from the simple fact of how this world is. It would probably only give me a small temporary boost to keep going, which would quickly burn out. I have no interest in having a better quality of life when most of the reasons that led me to this point stem from how this world works. My only interests are to gain eternal peace. That's my only ambition, catch my bus, which is five years late. But it doesn't bother me, I still have that motivation because I know that sooner or later I'll catch it

 

[rigsid]

Yes but most of my day dreaming involves imagining myself in an entirely different place, like a fantasy setting or something. I dont want anything to do with the modern world.

 

[BigTimeLoser]

I have daydreamed my whole life, one of my survival mechanisms is to be incredibly dissociative. I dreamed I had friends, I was something important to someone.

I pictured the life I lost a couple of weeks, and some days ago of a life where I had a better childhood, and support. Or where I got to open up when still in my big dream life.

The only thing I can picture now is me ctb, is the only thing that makes me calm.

 

[kuroshimi]

I feel like I always daydreaming and thinking about how things could turned out differently. Pretty much everything in my life ruined because I found myself surrounded by terrible people back in my school days. Nobody understood me and probably this is why I am started daydreaming and still thinking about different life.

 

[krsm98]

im always thinking of that other life, one where things didnt turn the way they did. I pkace where i dont suck at everything and ruin everything i touch. In a sense i always wonder what i would be like if i didnt push everything away and sucked at starting anew, or even a place where the suffering went away. Sadly that place feels so distant i might as well give up on reaching it

 

[Caspers]

I often wonder what things would be like if id've done three things differently. If I'd made the right choice, I would be in a very different position.

 

[7FDL16]

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I got some help as a child, I might not be such a massive fuckup. I only got my adhd diagnosis after high school & both my parents and the doc said they've known since I was little. But now I'm sitting here at 24 years old with nothing but self-destructive coping methods and less than no hope. I can't fix myself. I've failed so so many times. I'm just tired.

 

[tomame]

all the time .. a different race, a different class, a different personality, good parents.

all the time

 

[singingcrow]

all the time

one that i don't seem to hate most things or at least find joy in what i do. i can't shake this feeling of sadness it seems

 

[ForgetIExist]

There have been days in which I just sit and think for hours and wonder what if my life was different. What if instead of my current sad life I actually experienced what people my age are experiencing, friendship's relationships party's in general just having fun like every normal human. I wish I could actually change my life but I'm far too gone already and don't plan on staying much here longer.

Everyone does. Who wouldn't want a better life? Not a perfect life, but a better one...