Do you ever look at old photographs of you?

[raskolnikov]

What feelings do they bring to you? I look at the teenager me and just looking at my body, my face, my gestures I recognize how much I was sad and suffering but at that time I couldn't help to realize what was going wrong (terribly wrong) in my life, even if it was clear as day...

And now I just can cope with that obnoxious past and want to end it all also to end tormenting myself about it.

I mainly speak to adult people because I can relate more (I'm almost 40 so I'm looking at 20+ years old pictures) but the question is general.

 

[shadow11]

It just makes me sad cause I was happy then

 

[Ssname]

It makes me sad looking at old photos and seeing how far I have fallen. I also kind of like it to remind myself of what I used to be.

 

[creatureoflight]

I looked so good then. I was 10 pounds lighter than now and had great skin...argh

 

[Comatose11]

I do. I looked decent as a child and was happy. I've been depressed since middle school (and am now old enough to drink in the US, so no, it was not teenage angst or hormones). I also realized that puberty made me really ugly. There's nostalgia about being a kid (not a teenager, an actual child) and being happy.

 

[Deivis]

Shattered dreams?

Have you had any anticipation - back then - of how would it possibly end up now, 20+ years after?

It seems that a lot of people can perfectly predict their cookie-cutter existence for decades to come.
That was actually the main thought of my farewell note that I've written prior to the first (failed) exit.

 

[VX1]

I burnt them years ago. The only pic of modern me is on my driving licence from 2010, which means I'll need a new pic for its renewal in 2020 if I'm around.

 

[raskolnikov]

Shattered dreams?

Have you had any anticipation - back then - of how would it possibly end up now, 20+ years after?

It seems that a lot of people can perfectly predict their cookie-cutter existence for decades to come.
That was actually the main thought of my farewell note that I've written prior to the first (failed) exit.

Well I was totally clueless about everything back then. I was so subject to my mother that I only did what she was saying me to do. I wasn't ever be able to get correct perception of my body, my needs, my future, my life in general until I was adult but then it was too late. She was so scared of the evil that the world could have done to me that apparently she's been happier that I grew up as a complete dork. f**k!

 

[KCN]

Sometimes. In my old pictures I always used to be alone, with a slightly uncomfortable smile. So nothing has changed that much, I'm still that way. At least I'm coherent

 

[Blowba]

The only pictures I have of myself is when I was 5 and under as a teenager I refused to be in or take pictures because smiling even a fake one was hard for me to do. When looking at my pictures I get sad and usually think "Fuck you don't know what's gonna hit you".

 

[nuclearsnake]

Makes me miserable because back then I was still trying to live with my birth gender. It also reminds me of how ugly I used to be and still am and in addition to all of that I look like I'm about to cry in every picture. You can really tell how unhappy I was even as a kid and teen.

 

[Tiburcio]

Sometimes. In my old pictures I always used to be alone, with a slightly uncomfortable smile. So nothing has changed that much, I'm still that way. At least I'm coherent

Same here.

I tried to pretend I was happy but now I know myself better. I don't like having photos or memories of myself because I was never truly happy.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I deleted most of my pictures from high school.. so my timeline seemingly goes from child straight to uni. Sometimes I do wish I could see what I had, but it's just part of my mentality to drop everything and get away from it all every now and again.

 

[typx]

Yeah I look at them. I can see the misery in me now. It's funny. There are photos where I look happy and have people around me. But I can remember how I felt then. How hard I was trying to fake it.

 

[lv-gras]

Makes me miserable because back then I was still trying to live with my birth gender. It also reminds me of how ugly I used to be and still am and in addition to all of that I look like I'm about to cry in every picture. You can really tell how unhappy I was even as a kid and teen.

Same here, especially when was going through conversion therapy. Everyone just notices the smile but can see how messed up was under that.

Offers sympathy and hugs if wanted.

 

[agreement]

Nope.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

No, I burned them all long time ago.
I was so much thinner as a teen, god damn, just looking at that made me angry >.>

 

[Definitelyworried]

I was very happy then, if I look at them long enough it could push me over the edge to ctb.

 

[Deleted member 847]

Yes. My body and personality were completely different. "Is that really me?" That's the feeling they bring me.

 

[Brokenmom]

Yes and its painful,I was once a happy person,had a good life ,and now all have is shit .I was almost homeless 2 months ago,and lost everything, including my job, life is just shit right now and its hard to keep going.

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

Very few photos exist of me. I despise having my picture taken. If I run across an old photo, I usually put it in an envelope and mark it so I don't have to look at it.

 

[Imaginos]

Yes & no. There's a couple pictures of me & my brother propped up in our living room which I sometimes glance at, but, other than that, there's really not much else. Pictures, mementos, nostalgia, and various other forms of sentimental crap, has always meant very little to me. As far as pictures are concerned, I just see a younger version of the same miserable meatsack I am now. No strong feelings either way. Just nothing. That's about it. Like looking at a photo of a wrench earlier on in the conveyor belt of this twisted, misshapen factory of pain we call life. Another unit on the assembly line trudging through the mire of existence.

 

[shadow11]

The only pictures I have of myself is when I was 5 and under as a teenager I refused to be in or take pictures because smiling even a fake one was hard for me to do. When looking at my pictures I get sad and usually think "Fuck you don't know what's gonna hit you".

Exactly the same