Do you believe in signs?

[burninghill]

I'm quite prone to spiritual delusions. Thinking either that God has certain, malicious plans for me or that I'm specifically some kind of gift to Earth. It depends on my mood. I'm bipolar so it varies wildly.

I was wondering if anybody else believes in signs in regards to suicide? Do you ever encounter an inconvenience or see something specifically and you're like, 'man, this has to be a sign that I should kill myself'.

I'm not talking about stubbing your toe and exclaiming you're gonna kill yourself. I mean real, genuine belief in signs.

I have a good example where I've experienced the opposite. I remember begging in my head on the way to uni to please just give me a sign. Anything to confirm if this is the right or wrong decision, and on the bus home an older man started a conversation with me about my art and he told me that he wanted to see more when he saw me next. That had never happened previously.

 

[SOL3HIRO]

I would say I'm somewhat spiritual and I do believe that life gives me signs whether I should keep living or not. For instance, I wanted to end my life before May this year but my partner landed a new job that they were highly unqualified for in which we'll have to move soon. It felt like a sign that I have to keep supporting them and can't leave them yet. I've had other signs where life has constantly hindered me along with my failed attempts. It certainly doesn't keep me sane to think this way but people always say to live a little longer and maybe I'll find purpose. I think they're bs-ing me but they can believe what they want to believe.

 

[burninghill]

I would say I'm somewhat spiritual and I do believe that life gives me signs whether I should keep living or not. For instance, I wanted to end my life before May this year but my partner landed a new job that they were highly unqualified for in which we'll have to move soon. It felt like a sign that I have to keep supporting them and can't leave them yet. I've had other signs where life has constantly hindered me along with my failed attempts. It certainly doesn't keep me sane to think this way but people always say to live a little longer and maybe I'll find purpose. I think they're bs-ing me but they can believe what they want to believe.

It is difficult being suicidal and having only momentary signs or prospects that string you along. Sometimes I wish that it was all bad so that my decision would be easier, but it also feels wrong to complain about good things happening to me, even if they're infrequent and vanishing.

 

[Fresh Soju]

I started having a lot of health issues this year right as my suicide date passed. Not sure if that's a sign or not but my life is even worse now, lol.
Likewise in the past I'd ask some hypothetical higher being if I should end my life and for the next many weeks everything in my life that could go wrong would just went wrong in whichever way possible.
Not sure I really believe it, but the timing is quite fitting to say the least..

On the other hand someone might say it's a test by the universe for myself to prove how "strong" I am or something in that vein.

 

[the_calynite]

I was Mormon now I'm skeptical about absolutely everything, I'm not snooty but i really don't see any truth in that i cant prove myself

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yes, and if I hadn't ignored them (there were quite a few), I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now, and I would have no reason to commit suicide.

 

[burninghill]

I started having a lot of health issues this year right as my suicide date passed. Not sure if that's a sign or not but my life is even worse now, lol.
Likewise in the past I'd ask some hypothetical higher being if I should end my life and for the next many weeks everything in my life that could go wrong would just went wrong in whichever way possible.
Not sure I really believe it, but the timing is quite fitting to say the least..

On the other hand someone might say it's a test by the universe for myself to prove how "strong" I am or something in that vein.

The whole 'what if you're being challenged?' thing tires me out.

The fact I interpret signs as being a go-ahead for suicide probably does make me look quite despairing, but I could never get on with the idea that a God would give me a challenge he knew I couldn't overcome.

If God is all seeing, all knowing, then he must know that I won't survive the tests he's giving me. That's where I struggle with this kind of perspective.

 

[Fresh Soju]

The whole 'what if you're being challenged?' thing tires me out.

The fact I interpret signs as being a go-ahead for suicide probably does make me look quite despairing, but I could never get on with the idea that a God would give me a challenge he knew I couldn't overcome.

If God is all seeing, all knowing, then he must know that I won't survive the tests he's giving me. That's where I struggle with this kind of perspective.

I see where you're going, but technically I am still here. So technically if he did challenge me I did "overcome" them I suppose?
Though that assumes I'll never CTB and live until old age.. Which I doubt will happen, but I can't predict the future obviously.

I am remembering this Korean-American YouTuber I am watching for a year now(?) or more, and funnily enough he wasn't lucky in life, then he got told he has cancer, then he got into a car accident on a highway not of his fault and crashed his car...
One could see that as "tests" as well and right now the prognosis looks grim to say the least, though he is actually seemingly happy and strong and does his best to stay motivated so idk.. Through all the bad stuff he went through he actually seems genuinely happier now, from when he first started his channel ranting about life.

But then there's others who can go through something similar and they end up much worse..

The more I think about it, the more it just doesn't make sense, even from a very high level spiritual level tbh.

 

[Hollowman]

Your not bipolar. Some quack labeled you with bipolar. If you had cancer would you say I'm cancer?