Do you actually want to die

[SelfHatingAspie]

For me, it's not so much about wanting to die. It's more about not wanting to live for much longer. There are a number of things I need to do before I can ctb; mainly boring things like tying up loose ends, and purging as much stuff as possible to help simplify the legal processes resulting from handling a deceased estate.

Ironically enough, knowing that I have a plan and at least one method (and the equipment with which to execute it) locked in actually helps me to keep putting up with living.

 

[a_strange_day]

for me too it's not so much about wanting to die but rather not being able to live anymore.
at some point life becomes so hard and pointless that even the smallest tasks/things takes on huge proportions and become impossible to overcome.

 

[Juiceisloose3]

Yeah I'm ready. I'm using sn with domperidone and cimetidine. The domp should be here tomorrow. Thursday at the latest. So between Thursday and Saturday I'll be done with the regimen. Had some good things going on earlier this year. Was finally writing good music. Had a girl who I loved. I've cut her off completely just to spare her.

Sometimes you just gotta realize it's not about you, if that makes any sense.

 

[bigj75]

Yeah I'm ready. I'm using sn with domperidone and cimetidine. The domp should be here tomorrow. Thursday at the latest. So between Thursday and Saturday I'll be done with the regimen. Had some good things going on earlier this year. Was finally writing good music. Had a girl who I loved. I've cut her off completely just to spare her.

Sometimes you just gotta realize it's not about you, if that makes any sense.

Exactly. I'm trying to look out for other people.

 

[Juiceisloose3]

Exactly. I'm trying to look out for other people.

Yeah people dont understand that. But that's life. People who aren't in your shoes dont understand. We shouldn't expect them to. They're intentions are usually good and theyre just trying to help the only way they know how.

 

[Sunset Limited]

All I care about is my mother. She is old and sick. This will be a great pain for her. If there was a way to numb myself and move on, I would. I have no hesitation about myself.

 

[Tom9999]

I dont want to die.

I want to live on to experience the things I've always worked toward experiencing.

But I've failed in my attempts so many times that I am worn out.

Rather than live on and suffering yet more meaningless pain, I prefer to exit.

So it is not that I want to die, but rather want to end my suffering, and ending my life is the only way available to do so at this time.

 

[Astral316]

Society was never going to let me live.

I just "exist" now to satisfy urges like hunger, thirst, sleep, etc... it's all so pointless.

So yea, I really want to die.

 

[Black_Knight]

No. I want to live differently but it's not possible.

I'm actually very confused. I can't name anything that should be pushing me towards self-harm or suicide, yet here I am. I feel it should happen. I feel like I am constantly running from something which I can't name, and the only way to escape is to die before it catches up.

I've been trying to pinpoint multiple reasons, usually related to social anxiety I experience, or the fact that I seem to be a total failure in the standards of anyone I respect as an authority (including myself). However, no explanation is strong enough nor actually true as I see it, so I'm completely blind in this case.
Besides the chaser, other constant fear of mine is that my life seems to become more and more fatiguing and dull, and I want to get out before dying inside completely. I'm afraid that when I'm finished inside I won't be able to catch the bus anymore.

It's not that life is completely unenjoyable, it's just that every time I try to make it better to provide a positive (worth living) world, I sink deeper in the quicksand of my existence. The classical " just enjoy the f*ck out of it before suicide" doesn't seem to work, because every time I try to concentrate on something to enjoy it, it becomes unenjoyable.

I just wish I understood why all of this is, so I could fix it or justify the wish to off myself.

I've felt this way too

 

[sadgirl2002]

Yes... I fool myself into thinking I'm fine but in reality, I'm suppressing everything like an idiot. There's nothing left for me anymore, no matter what I try to make myself believe. I'm nothing and all of this is nothing. That's the truth.

 

[Dawn0071111]

Only because I can't see another way..or rather I dont want any of the ways that I can see... fuck it

 

[wendydong1]

i have always wanted to die before my natural death. I have always targeted when I am 50, by then, my parents would have died, and my dog would have died. Once both of them are gone, I will die. That's always my plan.

But now... I am so sad and afraid to leave my parents and dog by themselves. In this sense, I don't want to die now. But the pain is just too much

 

[welshie84]

Yes.

 

[catharticEscapism]

I don't want to die, but also I genuinely think it's the best option. What's the alternative? This endless oppressive depression that I can't escape from? It's been more than 15 years now and nothing works for longer than a few months. Then I'm back in hell and you know what? I'm just. Tired. I don't want to play this game anymore.

 

[iiii5555]

Matter doesn't die -- it only changes its form. By virtue of having any kind of purpose, a body of matter cannot live either. Therefore, it can be assumed that only through death would a meaningless existence find cause, if we are to behold the states of life and death to be opposites. But i guess people would rather choose domestication and delusion over that, right? Whatever insignificant, irrational qualifier you may impose on this modern life, that doesn't change how being a zoo animal isn't a option at all.

Why would anyone even "want to live" in this civilization, for any reason other than stockholm syndrome? It's the only explanation.

 

[Xaphous]

I'm isolated, if i wasn't then life would be bearable, but the years of damage have been done.