Do you actually want to die

[Sonnenblume]

Yeah, fear of failure is all that's keeping me here.

 

[123asdr123]

Yeah, fear of failure is all that's keeping me here.

try to think of it like an opportunist

 

[Sonnenblume]

try to think of it like an opportunist

Not sure what you mean...

 

[123asdr123]

Not sure what you mean...

like for me seeing a large structure 1000ft tall unguarded would be a situation where I feel an urge to capitalize. If you have the materials and you are in the right frame of mind to hate the prospects of your life - see it as a perfect opportunity and it might make you instictually act on the opportunity instead of going into it with an open ended mentality - idk how to explain it perfectly - if it is forgotten about temp and then when you think about it you see the OPPORTUNNITY not the possibility or like the moment is passing by and this moment will never come again. Again make sure you will not survive and be paralyzed or braindead or even in a coma

 

[123asdr123]

I do want to die but there are still a lot of things I enjoy in life so it's kind of confusing.

do more of what you like - too simple - pay attention to what you like more- try fucking above your class is a good one

 

[Phantom]

I'm actually very confused. I can't name anything that should be pushing me towards self-harm or suicide, yet here I am. I feel it should happen. I feel like I am constantly running from something which I can't name, and the only way to escape is to die before it catches up.

I've been trying to pinpoint multiple reasons, usually related to social anxiety I experience, or the fact that I seem to be a total failure in the standards of anyone I respect as an authority (including myself). However, no explanation is strong enough nor actually true as I see it, so I'm completely blind in this case.
Besides the chaser, other constant fear of mine is that my life seems to become more and more fatiguing and dull, and I want to get out before dying inside completely. I'm afraid that when I'm finished inside I won't be able to catch the bus anymore.

It's not that life is completely unenjoyable, it's just that every time I try to make it better to provide a positive (worth living) world, I sink deeper in the quicksand of my existence. The classical " just enjoy the f*ck out of it before suicide" doesn't seem to work, because every time I try to concentrate on something to enjoy it, it becomes unenjoyable.

I just wish I understood why all of this is, so I could fix it or justify the wish to off myself.

 

[MAIO]

I can't tell if I've been planning this for no reason. What if it comes to the day, and I fucking chicken out. Do I actually want to die or am i creating a Where are you out that I won't even take. Anyone know what I mean

I think the who a suicide person not actually wanting to die is a misunderstanding of Survival instinct. Your body and old brain want to live no matter what, no matter what is best for you. While the rational part of your brain wants to die. Because you have to override biological programming,that means you have to be very determined to die(of varying degrees depending on the method). Conflict creates conflict.

 

[wanttodie]

yes i do actually want to die i hate my life and living i want to die more then you thank i do im 55 years old and want to end my life i I do not enjoy life

 

[Kira]

It's a mixture of feelings for me. I don't necessarily want to die, but I don't want this quality of life either. To me this isn't really living. I suffer from PTSD and an anxiety disorder that's debilitating. For years I've tried to fix it but I've only gotten worse. I've tried pretty much everything there is. Meditation, exercise, therapy, pills, weed, etc. Nothing really helps. It's always one step forward and two steps backwards. There are so many things I wish I could go out and do, and so many things I've missed out on already. At this point it's fairly reasonable to assume that it won't get better. It's like a disease gnawing at my brain, destroying every part of me. Many things I used to enjoy feel pointless now. Sometimes the world doesn't even feel real. It's as if I'm just in a shell, going through the movements. I've thought about suicide for a couple years now, but I keep clinging onto what little hope I have left. "Maybe if I give it just a little more time something will change." I feel like suicide is the most rational decision, but the rest of me just refuses to go through with it.

 

[wanttodie]

yes 'id even stab myself in order to die. I fucking hate my life and need to end it

 

[Tiredman]

If i didn't have health problems I'd want to live but my conditions are chronic and will only get worse

 

[Makhlebite]

Yes and no. No, because in better circumstances, with certain issues out of my life, I'd probably just be content to live on and see the world burn. Dying really is just a "least of all evils" option for me in that sense. But on the other hand, yes, because where I am right now, it would be the one and only way I could truly feel in control, and truly say that I haven't been defeated by an oppressive system. Getting a job and settling in for several decades of wageslaving would be the ultimate defeat. Rejecting that, defying the tyrants ruling over us by denying them my productive power? That, in the present circumstances, would feel like a victory.

 

[Cris]

Hi. I'm in the same boat. I know i must do this soon or i wont do it at all. Of course i am very afraid but its scientifically proven that the fuel for fear is time. My failure to understand this is crippling.

I live in South Florida. I want a partner because ive bitched out before. I also get paid tomorrow so i can fly if you're serious and down. Let me know if interested.

 

[wanttodie]

Hi. I'm in the same boat. I know i must do this soon or i wont do it at all. Of course i am very afraid but its scientifically proven that the fuel for fear is time. My failure to understand this is crippling.

I live in South Florida. I want a partner because ive bitched out before. I also get paid tomorrow so i can fly if you're serious and down. Let me know if interested.

me to I want a partner to can you fly to Canada pm me if you can

 

[alice-jane]

Yes and no. No, because in better circumstances, with certain issues out of my life, I'd probably just be content to live on and see the world burn. Dying really is just a "least of all evils" option for me in that sense. But on the other hand, yes, because where I am right now, it would be the one and only way I could truly feel in control, and truly say that I haven't been defeated by an oppressive system. Getting a job and settling in for several decades of wageslaving would be the ultimate defeat. Rejecting that, defying the tyrants ruling over us by denying them my productive power? That, in the present circumstances, would feel like a victory.

i feel ya. what's going on is slavery for most people—those in power have figured out how to not label it that and present it as if it's the natural flow of the economy. there are mechanisms in place keeping the wages down though. it's criminal.

 

[dhk96]

I think it's natural to want to live despite wanting to die. I have had some good experiences and there are still things I'd like to do before I'm gone for good. But the ultimate goal, for me, is stop feeling and thinking (suffering). Death simply happens to be the only way to achieve this goal without compromising anything. It's not that I want to die; I want to stop suffering. Distractions have stopped working since long ago and my patience is near nonexistent. I don't want to continue coping to live and living to only cope. If I had been born someone else entirely, with a different personality and everything, then maybe I could imagine myself dying a natural death. The way I am, I could never see things differently or positively.

As for the fear of death or its complications, you're not alone. I'm a complete wuss when it comes to physical pain so I have avoided many methods for a long time. Now knowing that there are painless methods available, I am more sure that I can do it. If possible, I'd also like a partner or people to go with so it's not lonely or scary. But the chances are so low, and I worry about blame/punishment being passed onto my parents for my being involved with others, so it's likely that I will go alone when the time comes.

 

[transgenderfailure]

Absolutely not. If there was another way to find peace within myself I would most certainly want to stay alive and see my brother and sister grow up. I enjoy living.. in a weird way.

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

I dont wanna keep living.

 

[Gratefulcorpse]

I don't but living this way has become very difficult

I

I don't but living this way has become very difficult

I feel very similar to you, I always thought that studying for a job was my "key" to escaping poverty. However, the abuse I endured in University broke me down to the point whereby not matter what happens in the future I will still feel damaged and I can't live like that anymore. How I survived was repeating to my myself was " the only thing worse than sobriety is eternal life" but that "eternal suffering" comes back when I'm sobered up. I can't live on meds and the lack of trust from my family has for me, since my previous attempt

 

[woxihuanni]

Of course I don't want to. If I could live, I would. I don't have the means to live, so offing myself it is.

I almost have some irrational anger for cases when people want out because of macro-scale problems unsolvable in our life times, if ever. I mean, if my personal life was not a complete clusterfuck, I am sorry but I am not risking brain damage and letting go of all the sex I can have ever simply because there is plastic drifting into even Alps. Because my fucking brain damage is not going to save the world, and some random Joe sipping coke out of a fucking straw will still get to enjoy himself after I slink away unfulfilled.

 

[Wayfaerer]

No, but it's better than dragging out the downward spiral.

 

[nothingleft]

I wouldn't say I really want to die. I almost feel like it's the only logical conclusion to my story, though. I haven't been really "living" for quite some time, and I've reached a new level of hopelessness. Sometimes I'm just overwhelmed by the thought that I should have killed myself by now - years ago...and yet I'm stuck in this limbo of being mentally checked out while going through the motions (eating, sleeping, rarely leaving the house or speaking). Like others have said, I won't be able to end it in a perfectly rational state of time.

Some people can plan out their suicide days in advance and that's liberating, but I think I'd have to be in a really intense state to go through with it. Probably drunk, had a fight, not taking benzos for the day as I'm dependent on them...a perfect storm.

 

[GinaIsReady]

No, but it's better than dragging out the downward spiral.

Exactly how I feel about it.

 

[Kassender]

No
Absolutely not

I want to live so fucking bad but it feels completely hopeless at this point.
Its over. Nothing is getting better and i cant take the pain much longer

 

[GreyMonkey]

I don't want to die. I just don't want to live in pain and failure anymore.

 

[Nem]

To die means one was actually living. I consider myself only existing
Peace

 

[Stan]

I was living once and then it died, trying to help my body catch up with the same state. Existence means nothing without a life that serves purpose and a purpose that serves life

 

[oxymoron]

To die means one was actually living. I consider myself only existing
Peace

Deep bro.

 

[tomz323]

I don't but living this way has become very difficult

Couldn't have said it better

 

[GeorgeJL]

If you got such doubts then it's not your time to go.