Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.[
—Bernard Baruch
There are many people who do not view scars as unattractive, many people for whom it is nowhere near a turn-off. Besides, someone who is judgmental like that, they wouldn't be the right person, anyway.
Wishing you luck in all your love to come, azy <3<3. There are people who will love you and embrace you along
with all your scars too. There exist people who will understand, and will not view them in any off light but instead embrace them just as they embrace all of you.
Scars are subjective. Different people interpret them differently. Maybe it's for the best that judgmental people, who project a stigma of self-harm, are slightly set off; because you deserve someone who is willing to accept you, and who is not afraid of your pain, nor your experiences. And even if they would feel some fear, it would not at all be against you, but
for you; the kind of concern that makes someone who cares about you, a touch more aware of the things you feel, making them appreciate all the happiness and peace you would experience all that much more :).
You are not missing out on anything <3<3. You got this. Your scars are not at all a hindrance from good love :). The right person is not deterred by scars: The right person for you would not shy away from people solely because of what they have experienced. And there are countless right and good people who do exist, and may such a way and bond to any one of them be found by you, perhaps even finding you <3:hugging:. And may you keep many such people as dear intimate friends as well, to support you in all walks of life
.
Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going.
—David Rossi, Criminal Minds
I won't reveal my birth sex nor sexual preferences. But I will tell you that it is never something I view negatively in a person. And there are countless people in this thread who share that very same opinion. And one does not even need to have experienced suicidal ideation or self-cutting to sympathize in this very same way.
Anyone who is capable of responding to signs of vulnerability by affirming dignity and focusing on the humanity first and foremost, will not be deterred by selfharm scars. This is not something you can really teach someone; and you probably already have encountered maladjusted people who are unable to regulate themselves in the way that best honors another person's lived experiences. But we want someone who respects us, anyway, and so selfharm scars would still make no difference between finding the right person and not.
The right person is not deterred by selfharm scars. True love is willing to embrace wounds, in order to comfort the soul they touch. The love you desire is the kind that does not shy away from any mark, but rather the kind that is so warm it dares to melt away stigmas, just to keep you warm. That love is worth knowing—and it comes in all kinds of forms. You may even find such genuine, corehearted love, even in dear friends, too; who could keep you company. And I hope sincerely you will meet such fine love in a dear romantic partner, too:
I think it is not only a possible kind of love to find, but not even so much to ask x3. After all, is it much to ask, to want to have one's humanity embraced? Beyond external wounds? Beyond uncomfortable anecdotes? We should not have to hide ourselves totally from the one we love, but rather ideally would feel comfortable exposing vulnerable parts of ourselves.
Vulnerable means "capable of being wounded". "Vulnera" is the Latin word for "wound". Call anyone who sees your scars in a judgmental light a "vulneraphobe". (Compare with "homophobe, transphobe, etc".) The stigma is not on you, but it is in their eyes, it is in their minds. Unfortunately you cannot cleanse them of their judgment, and you cannot free them from the binds of their misaligned perception. The issue is not with you, but with them. They have a flawed perception. They are unable to discriminate between scars on skin and someone's humanity, someone's life; and all the virtues that life, person, and mind, may so possess, and breathe, inhaling, exhaling. To shy away from someone JUST because they have scars, is to fixate on them, to reduce them to their scars, essentially. It is to be unable to discriminate between a person's experiences and their humanity, personhood,
life.
A vulneraphobe is not the ideal partner, anyway. Especially not for anyone who has indeed experienced selfharm in their own lives. I should note that people
can have their perceptions on selfharm change. Perhaps someone who
might have a stigma may meet you and feel bad for judging you because they are able to clearly see your humanity. The seeing of the humanity is the key part. Find someone who can see your humanity.
Be whoever it will be beneficial for yourself to be. This way, if someone falls in love with that personage, it will be a kind of person you are comfortable with. That is, an aspiring partner will fall in love with a "you" that you like being :). But really, the advice "just be yourself" is better explained as "don't put up a front" (because it takes effort and may divert people who
would actually love, accept, and validate, the unmasked you).
I've written past the point of a clean conclusion for this. There are many people whose romantic love goes beyond scars :). And may you meet the loveliest of them all in your own love and life
~
