Disgust over my art

[LonelyPrince]

In this period of time where i have been trying to recover from the thought of ctb I've started planning and drawing for a videogame project I have in mind.
I've been drawing the first sprite and disgust washed over me. It doesn't even look bad and I'm still not done with it but...I just feel like I lack the actual skills to do all of this.

I don't know how to learn all of it
It's so overwhelming.
I feel behind. I've tied my self worth to my art due to me having little to anything else in my life.
Everybody is so good at it on the web and then there is me, struggling to make a sketch.

I bursted out crying.
Do I even matter? Will my efforts matter?
My friends cheer me from the sidelines but to m it all sounds like hollow optimism.

I can't even sit still in front of a tutorial due to me feel immense boredom. a boredom that took roots deep inside me. I can't pay attention even if its something I like.
Years ago I was given a half assed diagnosis that said I had a "mixed learning disorder", not even diving into what my issues were.
It feels like there is something missing, something every doctor overlooked or underestimated.

 

[witchcraft]

I feel the same way about my writing.

 

[meddle]

i feel the same about my works too. i lack the skill. i want them to look ok, but they are so disgusting and mediocre when i finish them and after some time i look at them again and realise "hey, they were not so bad at all". so i cant really trust myself in judging my art

my words wont change anything (and i dont even think the same way about myself), but any artworks deserve to exist. good, bad - they are yours and you are a human. you have your own unique worldview, unique artstyle, unique ideas. no one can create something only you create

 

[LonelyPrince]

In this period of time where i have been trying to recover from the thought of ctb I've started planning and drawing for a videogame project I have in mind.
I've been drawing the first sprite and disgust washed over me. It doesn't even look bad and I'm still not done with it but...I just feel like I lack the actual skills to do all of this.

I don't know how to learn all of it
It's so overwhelming.
I feel behind. I've tied my self worth to my art due to me having little to anything else in my life.
Everybody is so good at it on the web and then there is me, struggling to make

i feel the same about my works too. i lack the skill. i want them to look ok, but they are so disgusting and mediocre when i finish them and after some time i look at them again and realise "hey, they were not so bad at all". so i cant really trust myself in judging my art

my words wont change anything (and i dont even think the same way about myself), but any artworks deserve to exist. good, bad - they are yours and you are a human. you have your own unique worldview, unique artstyle, unique ideas. no one can create something only you create

Yeah we really can't trust ourselves when it comes to judging our art. I know my art is mine and it has a right to exist whilst being mine...but I wonder if I'm going to be able to tell the word what I want to tell with....mediocre skills compared to others.
Thank you for your words though. I appreciate them

 

[gunmetalblue]

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[emptymiku]

same. i hate how my art looks.

 

[LonelyPrince]

[Hidden content]

Thank you. Yeah digital art can be pretty difficult.
Everytime I start a drawing I just discard it

 

[gunmetalblue]

Everytime I start a drawing I just discard it

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[yotaka]

I feel the same way about my writing.

Same here. Over the course of my life I've poured thousands of hours into writing (not to mentioned ruined my life with debt getting a useless degree in it). It feels like the only thing I have, but everything I write is such garbage. If I were one to believe in curses, I would say I've been cursed to have a strong sense of beauty but an absolute inability to create it.

Not sure how into reading hundred-year-old novels everyone here is, but if you're in the mood, I recommend To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. There's a character I relate to a lot who struggles with this same issue with her painting.

 

[LonelyPrince]

[Hidden content]

I can say I'll try....I don't know if I'll be able to push through the disgust

Same here. Over the course of my life I've poured thousands of hours into writing (not to mentioned ruined my life with debt getting a useless degree in it). It feels like the only thing I have, but everything I write is such garbage. If I were one to believe in curses, I would say I've been cursed to have a strong sense of beauty but an absolute inability to create it.

Not sure how into reading hundred-year-old novels everyone here is, but if you're in the mood, I recommend To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. There's a character I relate to a lot who struggles with this same issue with her painting.

I'll check it out. I've read some of her stuff

 

[CuckoosInvisible]

Hello. I like making video games too!

May I recommend just trying to make something? Not something great, or impressive, or something that will earn you instant acclaim and popularity. Just something. Give yourself a ~1 week timespan to make a game and go for it. Plan out your days, keep the setting small, mechanics limited, and art style minimal. Make your game functional first and foremost so that you can still publish something playable if worst comes to worst, then polish it up.
itch.io is great or this since there tend to be at least a couple of low-stress jams running on there.

Game dev is best learned by doing I think, and smaller projects are by far the best way of learning. Part of that is because it puts into perspective the scope of different projects-- it helps you understand game dev as a labor-multiplicative process (if I go for a more ambitious art style, then the overall time spent on doing art will be longer!). Realizing this will help to give yourself some grace, I think-- you are capable of what your resources provided you during the period, that is all.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Hello. I like making video games too!

May I recommend just trying to make something? Not something great, or impressive, or something that will earn you instant acclaim and popularity. Just something. Give yourself a ~1 week timespan to make a game and go for it. Plan out your days, keep the setting small, mechanics limited, and art style minimal. Make your game functional first and foremost so that you can still publish something playable if worst comes to worst, then polish it up.
itch.io is great or this since there tend to be at least a couple of low-stress jams running on there.

Game dev is best learned by doing I think, and smaller projects are by far the best way of learning. Part of that is because it puts into perspective the scope of different projects-- it helps you understand game dev as a labor-multiplicative process (if I go for a more ambitious art style, then the overall time spent on doing art will be longer!). Realizing this will help to give yourself some grace, I think-- you are capable of what your resources provided you during the period, that is all.

Thank you!! Yes I should do that. The idea I have right now is a bit ambitious so perhaps i should just create something silly and simple just to learn the mechanics.
Thank you so much for your insight