Venting Directionless

[OverbookedHardcover]

I have no direction. I recently started believing perseverance is not just about not giving up, it's also about trying again after giving up. I can try again after giving up alright, but I give up so often that it feels meaningless. I try to think about what I want to do with my life, but the only thing that comes to mind is suicide. I would go kill myself, except every time I try I give up. I would want to be dead, that's the only thing that's on my mind right now. And yet, every time I try to do anything I chicken out. I'm tired of this. If I'm not going to kill myself, I need to start applying to jobs for when I graduate in May, but every time I think about doing anything in that regard, I just give up. I chicken out. What do I do?

I could probably continue writing more details... About my story. Things that happen in the past. Or whatever. I don't want to bore anyone with the details though. There's not much special to my story. I can answer questions if anyone has any.

 

[alivefornow]

I can relate. Even though I have access to education, work, friends and family concerned about my well-being... I have absolutely no interest in seeing where this goes. I'd go today but acquiring SN immediately is not quite possible due to a huge national holiday going on right now.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound really tiring being trapped in that situation, I certainly hate how difficult suicide is for us and I believe that if it was much easier I would be long gone at this point. But anyway I wish you the best.