Did you used to be happy?

[Titania]

I wish I could say I was a happy kid, but my innocence was taken from me before I able to speak.

 

[anonymous23x]

Never, life is and has always been hell... I destroyed myself to try and break out of it. I strongly believe my fate was set in stone.

 

[therhydler]

I was happy with my girlfriend

 

[Kris1125]

I was very happy and loved everything about life until chronic pain hit. Now it's been 4 years of torture and extreme depression and unhappiness. On the one hand, I'm grateful for all the amazing times and memories I had up until everything turned upside down. But on the other hand, knowing I'll never have those happy, fulfilling moments again makes everything so much worse.

 

[Xerxes]

I equate happiness with consequence. Every time I ever reached happiness or being happy as an emotion, bad shit happens afterwards. Crash and burn effect. Aced a test? Don't celebrate too much, people will pick on you for being a nerd.

 

[TheRiverStyz]

Nah, I've always been an unhappy, volatile child and I grew up to be a severely depressed adult. The happiest year of my life was 2013 and it is quickly disappearing in the rear view mirror, so...

 

[Armadillo]

I was happy as a kid, even if I've always been a bit introvert and unreasonably anxious since I was in kindergarten.

Not only I was happy in the moment but I had hopes for the future (wich contributed a lot to my wellbeing), then it gradually went worse, depression hit hard but I still tried to stay strong because I believed that I'd eventually have the means to be happy again. Now it all went to shit.

 

[RyanSuicide]

Looking back af this point, I can say my life was a joy before severe depression hit me about 6-7 months ago. Now every second of my life contains more pain/agitation/discomfort than every bad day of my life before this. I was supposedly depressed before, but wow that wasn't much compared to this. Just curious how many of us have always hated life or a sudden event or trigger brought us to this point.

I was a happy kid. So happy in fact that I couldn't understand why someone cut themselves in a movie I watched. I had to ask someone "why would anyone do something like that?". It also baffled me when I saw a documentary about people killing themselves. I thought they were completely insane. And as I got older boy did I change. Full blown chronic suicidal depression kicked in as well as severe anxiety kicked in. So now I'm so used to suicidal thoughts I don't understand why someone WOULDN'T want to be sad and kill themselves. Now i wish I was either that happy kid again or dead.

 

[TAW122]

If I was ever really happy, it would probably have been when I was very young, before I entered pre-school and didn't have any responsibility or obligations such as going to school, doing chores, and stuff. I literally didn't care about anything and just existed nor had the capacity to question life (I simply just 'existed').

 

[ForestLove]

I equate happiness with consequence. Every time I ever reached happiness or being happy as an emotion, bad shit happens afterwards. Crash and burn effect. Aced a test? Don't celebrate too much, people will pick on you for being a nerd.

Bro, you are too hard on yourself.
Same like me. :((

 

[ForestLove]

I was a happy kid. So happy in fact that I couldn't understand why someone cut themselves in a movie I watched. I had to ask someone "why would anyone do something like that?". It also baffled me when I saw a documentary about people killing themselves. I thought they were completely insane. And as I got older boy did I change. Full blown chronic suicidal depression kicked in as well as severe anxiety kicked in. So now I'm so used to suicidal thoughts I don't understand why someone WOULDN'T want to be sad and kill themselves. Now i wish I was either that happy kid again or dead.

I have the same thoughts as you.

I had a wonderful childhood and my life has been good and smooth most of the time..until now. Hence I never imagine why pple would choose to kill themselves and commit suicide. Now I understand why.

Life is indeed cruel. It doesn't matter how much good you have done or how much efforts you have put into something/someone in this life.

Because in the end, it doesn't matter at all.

 

[Xerxes]

Bro, you are too hard on yourself.
Same like me. :((

Not really hard on myself, but saves me the heartache if I know ahead of time that I'm gonna get shit from someone or something. I prefer to stay content or in the middle. Slightly down is okay too.

 

[Roberto]

Since I was 13 years or so I started to have strange results in tests about mood.
But I don't know when I started to be sad, ashamed.
Later I felt apart from school friends.
Then I started to work. I had a wife, my second girlfriend. I had depression. I worked as long as I could. I divorced. Then I started to have difficulties finding jobs. I had my third and last girlfriend. That was 4 years ago. I don't want more.
With my last girlfriend I was happy. Complete. Despite that I didn't have friends. I knews everything wasn't going well. But it was better than previously in my life.
So ... yes ... I was happy once. But now I'm destroyed. I live without a life.

 

[I’vehadenough]

I was happy and gorgeous, then a doctor convinced me to get a surgery I later found out I didn't need and he permanently disfigured me, and the rest of my face is extremely ugly from the medicine...now every second I'm awake is pure hell. If that wouldn't make someone want to take their life, then idk what would!

 

[I’vehadenough]

I was very happy and loved everything about life until chronic pain hit. Now it's been 4 years of torture and extreme depression and unhappiness. On the one hand, I'm grateful for all the amazing times and memories I had up until everything turned upside down. But on the other hand, knowing I'll never have those happy, fulfilling moments again makes everything so much worse.

That's kind of like me. Was happy until something fcked up happened to my body. Now I live everyday in fear

 

[onegoodreason]

I cant say ive ever been truly happy. Ive had happy times, experiences etc but this overwhelming feeling of not belonging, not fitting in or having no purpose has plagued me since childhood.

You typed the words right off my keyboard, Lonely_soul_lisburn!!
I have had some happy moments, though, too, but they were all quite brief. I've had pleasure and satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment at times, but then I go back to blah. Now, it's just dark and getting darker. But since I've found SS and all of you, and have formulated some sort of plan, there is a glimmer of Light through which is my release to Freedom! Now that makes me Happy!!

 

[onegoodreason]

I cant say ive ever been truly happy. Ive had happy times, experiences etc but this overwhelming feeling of not belonging, not fitting in or having no purpose has plagued me since childhood.

You typed the words right off my keyboard, Lonely_soul_lisburn! ;-)

I've had happy moments here and there throughout my life, but they were very brief. I've had pleasures, satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment, but then it would be back to blah. The things I needed to do in life to get through kept me distracted enough to not pay too much attention to the blahness, so I didn't feel it so much then. Now though, it's just dark and getting darker. But having found SS and all of you here and formulating a plan, there is a glimmer of Light through which is my release to Freedom! Now that makes me very Happy! And some "normal" people would probably say that's just crazy - and they'd be right! It is crazy, and you know what, that's totally cool with me! ;-D

 

[Dead_Inside]

I do remember being happy.... I remember not thinking about dying- In fact I was nervous of such things.... I was actually scared of dying. Now I don't care. But I am jealous of that person I was..... they were ok. Content enough and full of trying to make life work.
Now I just hope some one crosses the median and kills me... or I blunder in to a mass shooting or I finally OD by accident. Just anything. I don't care.

 

[Final Escape]

I had moments mostly when young because I was ignorant about lots of things.

 

[stellabelle]

I've been "happy" here and there before, but never consistently

 

[Jai]

I was never happy. I thought I was for a few moments - but when betrayal set in that more than made up for it.

That's why I still try to be happy. I have survived so far due to instinct. It shouldn't have been for nothing.

I ponder that question often this shouldn't be for nothing , I've waited mild hope waiting for delierence but nothing things went from bad to the bottom to now I don't believe redemption or another chance ever existed

 

[Asianfailure]

I can honestly accept the concept that you won't always be happy, which is perfectly normal, emotions and mood are meant to fluctuate but I remember that before I became depressed I was able to withstand a lot of the pain that life threw at me. But then my depression worsened and now it's been years since I haven't been depressed. I honestly believe that once you become depressed and suicidal the thoughts will always linger there at the back of your mind. So even though I know that I did once feel real happiness, I won't be able to feel true happiness anymore as the demons will always be there to haunt me.

 

[Roberto]

I cant say ive ever been truly happy. Ive had happy times, experiences etc but this overwhelming feeling of not belonging, not fitting in or having no purpose has plagued me since childhood.

That are the words I used to use. Now I don't know nothing. I'm lost, a walking dead, alone, forced to survive by the society, as they really cared ... I'm just a problem.