Did you change your mind once you got SN? Or are you holding onto it?

[leavingsoonx]

My SN is on the way and my suicidal thoughts have lessened. I'm still considering this option heavily - my question is there anyone on this forum who got the SN and didn't take it? Anyone holding onto it for another time?

I want to throw the package away when it gets here yet I finally see a way out that I've been wanting for so long

I think that if I have doubts I should hold out as suicide is a final end

 

[identity0]

Many years ago i acquired a different substance for the same purpose, something that is even more potent and hard to get now. I held onto it for years but never took it. I found it relieving in a way to know it was there. I suppose everyone is different though; i think if you are prone to make impulsive attempts it would be valid to throw it away, otherwise it can just be a tool that is there for you if needed

 

[CantDoIt]

I have SN and haven't used it and I'm getting N probably and can't promise I will use it. For me it's SI and guilt. The SI also manifests as a fear response and I have people who would be devastated if I went.

 

[frog problems]

I had everything pretty much planed out until the SN got here, then I started to have second thoughts. Now I'm not sure what to do anymore. But it is kind of comforting to have it stored in a safe place so I can use it if and when I'm ready, so I'm not throwing it out.

 

[_Gollum_]

Yep, this is exactly what happened to me. I was so sure that pretty much as soon as my SN arrived, I'd use it right away. I was so desperate to die. The day of its arrival came and went, and now four months later we're approaching the new year, and I'm still here, with no concrete plans to avail myself of the escape hatch sitting in my cupboard.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I received my SN about 4 years ago and I'm still alive so I guess it did help somewhat. Just knowing it's there waiting for me has been a comforting thought after all these years.

 

[notahappygirl]

Im extremely suicidal and decided to get SN then went to Mexico to get N. After a few months I started to have second thoughts FEAR and GUILT. I don't want to be here anymore but I'm so scared to kill myself

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

I actually didn't care that much when my SN arrived, as I was simply preparing a plan that ideally will be executed in a foresseeable future

 

[Steve Vermont]

I got two big jars of it and a load of meto and am holding onto it. It lessened my ideation to receive. I don't know why. Perhaps now that I know I can kill myself any time I want?

 

[affirmatice]

I have had SN on hand for a few weeks now. It's just there. I didn't have some revelation that all of a sudden I wanted to live more once I got it.

I also dont necessarily feel comfort, as the SN process still scares me. Although it's probably the best method available I've seen.