Discussion did anyone else start to get memory loss once they started to become suicidal?

[16thsatirist]

not too sure how to describe this?

i remember, about a few months ago was when my desire to die really started to peak. it was worse than it had ever been, and it's slowly getting worse, but that's not the point of this. the point is that my memory loss has been at an all time high.

i haven't really been doing anything that would cause any sort of memory loss, i guess maybe it's just the stress, but it's almost making me feel more solid about my decision in a way. i don't have to remember what just happened to me a few days ago, just the actions i've made that have lead me up to this decision. all the good memories, and bad, are gone. i don't have anything to remember to save myself, i don't have anything to pull me out of how i'm feeling.

i can't tell if it's for the better or not, a lot of very bad things happened to me throughout my life. i still remember most of those, but i guess that's just the price of life. i dunno! i'm curious on if this is a thing for other people too though.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

I don't think that's happened to me, although I have to admit if I did in fact forget part of my past, I probably wouldn't realize it. I do find myself caring a lot less about memories, and they don't have the same impact as they once did, but I assume that's normal? But I don't think I've experienced exactly what you described. Very interesting.

 

[evanescent_eva]

You're not imagining this! It's something called pseudodementia, and it's is a condition accompanying certain psychiatric disorders that leads to cognitive and functional impairment imitating dementia. This includes memory loss. It has its own wikipedia page, if you want to learn more!

But yeah, I used to pride myself on my memory, and now I can barely remember the last thing someone said to me in the middle of a conversation. It's really debilitating, and I'm sorry you have to experience it too.

 

[NoIdeaForAUsername]

Yes, i also suffer memory loss, but im not going into making assumptions about the reason, becase im not a doctor. It could also be a combination of reasons.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes . Sometimes i forget task i need to do or remember certain conversations.

I have locked 3 creditcards cuz I forget the code I chose

 

[bankai]

There's a lot of trauma related stuff that you'll forget growing up and then recall at some point when you're older. It's just the mind's way of coping, I guess.

But yes, now my memory is over all shot I use an app called Life Reminders on my Android phone to offset the forgetfulness. It makes sure I don't forget any important stuff and tasks to do.

 

[JesiBel]

I overthink everything, even if they were events far in the past, there's no way I forget things. In fact, sometimes memories that seemed forgotten come back to me, especially those for which I feel guilt or nostalgia. Maybe I don't feel peace inside and that's why all those kinds of thoughts haunt me, whether I'm awake or dreaming.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

You're not imagining this! It's something called pseudodementia, and it's is a condition accompanying certain psychiatric disorders that leads to cognitive and functional impairment imitating dementia. This includes memory loss. It has its own wikipedia page, if you want to learn more!

But yeah, I used to pride myself on my memory, and now I can barely remember the last thing someone said to me in the middle of a conversation. It's really debilitating, and I'm sorry you have to experience it too.

Yeah I just call it 'checking out' but I can see how it can be symptomatic of long term depression, trauma etc. For me at least, part of wanting to ctb is a desire to forget. No more figuring things out, no more searching for meaning, no more complex recovery modalities. For someone planning to ctb it can be part of a willing deconstruction. For someone getting old or terminally it a natural shedding.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

yes, I remember being so suicidal that I literally put on a plastic bag around my head, which took a couple tries to endure the agonizing pain of suffocation, and it took me like 4 minutes of not breathing, my lungs felt like they were being burned, and after keeping on telling myself that it will be worth it, it worked, and I saw those little yellow floating things in my vision and I was so close to passing out from lightheadedness and I was scared to get brain damage so I ripped the bag out of my head, I couldn't remember that time because I kinda got memory loss after that, it was like a year or 2 ago, I don't even remember how I endured that horrible sensation before, because I can't endure the feeling of suffocation after that... (if you choose this method, which is very painful so you won't, make sure to hand cuff yourself after you put the plastic bag around your head and make sure no one finds you for atleast 2 hours)

 

[16thsatirist]

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You're not imagining this! It's something called pseudodementia, and it's is a condition accompanying certain psychiatric disorders that leads to cognitive and functional impairment imitating dementia. This includes memory loss. It has its own wikipedia page, if you want to learn more!

But yeah, I used to pride myself on my memory, and now I can barely remember the last thing someone said to me in the middle of a conversation. It's really debilitating, and I'm sorry you have to experience it too.

oh my god. yeah, that's like, exactly how i feel. i may need to bring this up with my psychiatrist because now i'm curious lol

I don't think that's happened to me, although I have to admit if I did in fact forget part of my past, I probably wouldn't realize it. I do find myself caring a lot less about memories, and they don't have the same impact as they once did, but I assume that's normal? But I don't think I've experienced exactly what you described. Very interesting.

i think the being affected by them less part is pretty normal honestly, that happened to me even while i was doing somewhat alright mentally. it's pretty interesting i guess, it just sucks because it's making me paranoid to take my meds. it's probably just all the stress though lol

 

[NonEssential]

It seems to happen to me, I tend to sometimes forget my coffee in the kitchen and I always tend to answer questions with "I'm not sure" and "I don't remember"
I recently took a shower and completely forgot if I had only cleaned my hair or my entire body so I had to go again to make sure.
I'm unsure if it's caused by this, epilepsy, it's medication or if I'm just dumb.

 

[wham311]

Yea I can't tell if it's from stress, insomnia, or social isolation but I for sure have brain damage now. I am completely incapable of communicating with someone face to face

 

[16thsatirist]

Yea I can't tell if it's from stress, insomnia, or social isolation but I for sure have brain damage now. I am completely incapable of communicating with someone face to face

i'm sorry about that, especially because same. it's genuinely so hard when it's not someone who's been in the same situation as me. exactly why i find it so easy to talk to other mentally ill or suicidal people

 

[wham311]

i'm sorry about that, especially because same. it's genuinely so hard when it's not someone who's been in the same situation as me. exactly why i find it so easy to talk to other mentally ill or suicidal people

Yea you and I are cool, we can relate

Anyone outside? Woah boy.

Your body language is fucked, your story is unsettling, you're a black cloud, you stammer, your self esteem is gone and apparent..

Im sure you're in agony, regret being born feel like a failure just like me

 

[@araxy]

My memories have certainly decayed. Faces are blurred and events fogged. I feel out of touch whenever a loved one brings up a memory of better times. Was that truly me in the past, or just a mask used to fit into a world not meant for me?

 

[zixd]

not too sure how to describe this?

i remember, about a few months ago was when my desire to die really started to peak. it was worse than it had ever been, and it's slowly getting worse, but that's not the point of this. the point is that my memory loss has been at an all time high.

i haven't really been doing anything that would cause any sort of memory loss, i guess maybe it's just the stress, but it's almost making me feel more solid about my decision in a way. i don't have to remember what just happened to me a few days ago, just the actions i've made that have lead me up to this decision. all the good memories, and bad, are gone. i don't have anything to remember to save myself, i don't have anything to pull me out of how i'm feeling.

i can't tell if it's for the better or not, a lot of very bad things happened to me throughout my life. i still remember most of those, but i guess that's just the price of life. i dunno! i'm curious on if this is a thing for other people too though.

same thing here , at the point of not recognizing my emotions or my state , i refer myself to three masks that describes me

 

[16thsatirist]

Was that truly me in the past, or just a mask used to fit into a world not meant for me?

i feel this hard honestly. like, day to day life.

Yea you and I are cool, we can relate

Anyone outside? Woah boy.

Your body language is fucked, your story is unsettling, you're a black cloud, you stammer, your self esteem is gone and apparent..

Im sure you're in agony, regret being born feel like a failure just like me

yep! basically. i get you, you get me, but random people? citizens? hell no. i stutter all the time, my speech makes no sense, it's more like i'm speaking a whole nother language, and regular people don't understand suicidnese

 

[wham311]

i feel this hard honestly. like, day to day life.

yep! basically. i get you, you get me, but random people? citizens? hell no. i stutter all the time, my speech makes no sense, it's more like i'm speaking a whole nother language, and regular people don't understand suicidnese

I just can't even process it anymore. They pick up on so much about me so fast and they talk so fast, it's like we're different species. Fucking brain damage

Theyre so comfortable and I'm just failing at being presentable and normal

 

[16thsatirist]

I just can't even process it anymore. They pick up on so much about me so fast and they talk so fast, it's like we're different species. Fucking brain damage

Theyre so comfortable and I'm just failing at being presentable and normal

honestly? i've given up on even trying to present normally.

i feel so much more comfortable being a weird freak that attracts other weird freaks. i want people who are normal to stay far away from me. it's like they're speaking another language and it's making me go insane, genuinely.

i hate having to hide my emotions. i hate having to hide anything about me, if i'm going to burn and crash, i want everyone to see the fire and i want everyone to know what i am or who i was. i don't want people to see what i made them see, i don't like. i hate. i hate normal people. i hate them.

 

[deepocean]

Yeah

 

[Eriktf]

im an alcoholic and got my blood work done while in the hospital, there is an vitamin called Thiamine B1 i had almost non left since alcohol destroy it or something idk what but i got told it was due to alcohol so i got Thiamine IV and some Thiamine pills it boosted my memory bigtime

 

[hopeifindmyself]

I have memory holes

 

[Krokodile]

I think memories have to be revisited on occasion to maintain them. I rarely think about the past so I forget most of it.

 

[Pluto]

 

[16thsatirist]

lol omg

 

[orcapythia]

Someone's mental state can affect so much in the human body. It's kind of scary, so I try write down the few good memories I have in case I forget. It's weird, it's like suicide is the one clear path I can see and my brain has forgotten everything else.

 

[eternalbliss22]

I can't recall

 

[Hotsackage]

Brain no work, makes you bezerk

 

[TAW122]

I don't think I've ever had memory loss due to CTB ideation, though my memory being good or bad depends on many other factors but not necessarily tied to ideation or so. I'm sure if I was really stressed and overwhelmed, my short term memory suffers quite a bit for a while. It would take immense effort to remember things.

 

[16thsatirist]

Someone's mental state can affect so much in the human body. It's kind of scary, so I try write down the few good memories I have in case I forget. It's weird, it's like suicide is the one clear path I can see and my brain has forgotten everything else.

i can see this, but honestly for me, if i'm going then i want to leave every memory i have behind. i want those to be lost so they don't haunt me if i am to go anywhere after i die. i get that completely though.