Venting Desperate Enough to Risk Being Murdered

[Unsure and Useless]

My life isn't going well. There's no hope for me. Blah, blah, blah, all that jazz

There's not really any reliable way to die in the modern day. Yeah, there's SN poisoning, but with how hard it is to get it (to the point where you need to go to the dark web, or so I've heard), you're better off wishing upon a star that the CTB fairy brings it to you. Anything related to strangulations rely on technique and/or location; hanging methods that rely less on technique depend on a sturdy beam to uphold the rope whereas sideways(?) strangulation methods rely on knowing your own specific artery location, weight, and ability to tie a dependable knot. Very simple things in theory, but each introduce a new point of error that can royally fuck your life over if done wrong. Guns can go wrong very quickly and, once again, require precise anatomical and firearm knowledge. Anything else outside of these three are unrealistic to achieve in a normal environment. Really goes to show how many "invisible" restrictions there are on CTB

At this point, I'm desperate enough to just… go outside at night in dangerous areas of the city I'm near. Stupid and reckless? Definitely. But at least then, if I die, I'm dead, and my cause of death isn't outright written off as a suicide, providing my family at least some peace of mind than if I just took my life. I've heard there's a serial killer that operates in my city. Obviously, this can go terribly wrong, and instead of dying, I'm kidnapped and tortured. So, this is just a pipe dream

Next best thing is to go death by cop. I live in America, so already, the cops are more trigger-happy than most. Add the fact that I live in the more "pro-gun" regions of the country, and I'm pretty sure provoking a cop would yield better results. Although, I don't think I visually come off as a threat (short, traits associated with more "harmless" PoC, androgynous-feminine leaning), so this may be out of the picture—theoretically speaking

Obviously, neither of these methods will actually be used since they introduce an uncontrollable source of error: humans. Worst case scenario for the murder one is that I get kidnapped instead, and the kidnapper just does whatever they want that isn't straight up killing me. Worst case scenario for the death by cop situation is that the cops turn me over to a psych ward and I get marked as a "suicide risk", which is practically a social death sentence. With the more traditional CTB methods, more control is given to the individual

I don't know if the culture on here is to explain/justify why posts are made, so I'll just make this clear: this is a vent post, and I have no legitimate intentions to pursue the risky methods detailed within it. I'm just desperate since I most likely ruined my life, and my circumstances have me considering risky behavior so that I can finally CTB

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Yeah, it's not worth the risk of being chained up in somebody's basement for the next thirty years, or ending up in jail & all over the news, in either situation there's no telling just how wrong things could actually go.

 

[rustcohle4life]

You might not be killed but crippled for life and wearing a shit bag because your bowels have been obliterated. This is a bad idea.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Like the other poster said, putting your fate in the hands of another is not the best idea, imo. A lot of people who try to murder only end up committing attempted murder. And you'd be the one who has to deal with the aftermath if things don't go exactly right. You might end up so bad, but still very much alive, that you end up in a nursing home having your ass wiped and being spoon fed, and unable to do anything to remove yourself from this new reality you find yourself in. No thank you. My fate is better off in my own hands, imo.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

Yeah, it's not worth the risk of being chained up in somebody's basement for the next thirty years, or ending up in jail & all over the news, in either situation there's no telling just how wrong things could actually go.

You might not be killed but crippled for life and wearing a shit bag because your bowels have been obliterated. This is a bad idea.

Like the other poster said, putting your fate in the hands of another is not the best idea, imo. A lot of people who try to murder only end up committing attempted murder. And you'd be the one who has to deal with the aftermath if things don't go exactly right. You might end up so bad, but still very much alive, that you end up in a nursing home having your ass wiped and being spoon fed, and unable to do anything to remove yourself from this new reality you find yourself in. No thank you. My fate is better off in my own hands, imo.

You guys don't have to worry. I'm not actually going to seek out these methods. This is all just wishful thinking out of frustration from how difficult it is to CTB through more "solo" methods

 

[itsgone2]

One time when suicidal I had a hospital appointment and had to go through bad part of city to get there. Some guys were flagging cars down needing help with theirs. I was like hey this looks like a trap let's go. I stopped. They actually did just want a jump start. I was disappointed

 

[hoppybunny]

My life isn't going well. There's no hope for me. Blah, blah, blah, all that jazz

There's not really any reliable way to die in the modern day. Yeah, there's SN poisoning, but with how hard it is to get it (to the point where you need to go to the dark web, or so I've heard), you're better off wishing upon a star that the CTB fairy brings it to you. Anything related to strangulations rely on technique and/or location; hanging methods that rely less on technique depend on a sturdy beam to uphold the rope whereas sideways(?) strangulation methods rely on knowing your own specific artery location, weight, and ability to tie a dependable knot. Very simple things in theory, but each introduce a new point of error that can royally fuck your life over if done wrong. Guns can go wrong very quickly and, once again, require precise anatomical and firearm knowledge. Anything else outside of these three are unrealistic to achieve in a normal environment. Really goes to show how many "invisible" restrictions there are on CTB

At this point, I'm desperate enough to just… go outside at night in dangerous areas of the city I'm near. Stupid and reckless? Definitely. But at least then, if I die, I'm dead, and my cause of death isn't outright written off as a suicide, providing my family at least some peace of mind than if I just took my life. I've heard there's a serial killer that operates in my city. Obviously, this can go terribly wrong, and instead of dying, I'm kidnapped and tortured. So, this is just a pipe dream

Next best thing is to go death by cop. I live in America, so already, the cops are more trigger-happy than most. Add the fact that I live in the more "pro-gun" regions of the country, and I'm pretty sure provoking a cop would yield better results. Although, I don't think I visually come off as a threat (short, traits associated with more "harmless" PoC, androgynous-feminine leaning), so this may be out of the picture—theoretically speaking

Obviously, neither of these methods will actually be used since they introduce an uncontrollable source of error: humans. Worst case scenario for the murder one is that I get kidnapped instead, and the kidnapper just does whatever they want that isn't straight up killing me. Worst case scenario for the death by cop situation is that the cops turn me over to a psych ward and I get marked as a "suicide risk", which is practically a social death sentence. With the more traditional CTB methods, more control is given to the individual

I don't know if the culture on here is to explain/justify why posts are made, so I'll just make this clear: this is a vent post, and I have no legitimate intentions to pursue the risky methods detailed within it. I'm just desperate since I most likely ruined my life, and my circumstances have me considering risky behavior so that I can finally CTB

So sorry you're going through this. As someone who considered guns as a method, shotguns are the holy suicide grail. If u can get the ones that turn watermelons to red mist all u have to do is put it in ur mouth and pull the trigger.

Although i think those shotguns are on the more expensive side. And you'll have to practice aiming properly since some of the guns are long.

I didn't choose this method cause I'm not a citizen yet and didn't want to incriminate my family in any way when they apply for citizenship.

Ideally i hope u get better enough to not need to CTB at all.

 

[sadman1897]

I wish I knew a serial killer who wanted an easy kill

 

[Persona3]

So sorry you're going through this. As someone who considered guns as a method, shotguns are the holy suicide grail. If u can get the ones that turn watermelons to red mist all u have to do is put it in ur mouth and pull the trigger.

Although i think those shotguns are on the more expensive side. And you'll have to practice aiming properly since some of the guns are long.

I didn't choose this method cause I'm not a citizen yet and didn't want to incriminate my family in any way when they apply for citizenship.

Ideally i hope u get better enough to not need to CTB at all.

This method makes my blood run cold

 

[hoppybunny]

This method makes my blood run cold

Idk why but for me, this is the best method. Fastest and you won't even know u died. Bonus points if u do it like in a forest and a bear eats u or something.
But i guess the violent nature of it isn't for everyone.

 

[TAW122]

Yeah I don't think utilizing those methods (even though I've in the past, fantasized about them and entertained them a bit) is effective, and introduces considerable risk of failure. Like others said, it's likely to end up where one lives but is really crippled and in a bad situation where one is then unable to CTB and having to be nursed and have around the clock care until natural causes. This is just the feasibility and reliability of such methods, notwithstanding all the moral and ethics behind involving a third party (if anyone has such qualms).

 

[Persona3]

Idk why but for me, this is the best method. Fastest and you won't even know u died. Bonus points if u do it like in a forest and a bear eats u or something.
But i guess the violent nature of it isn't for everyone.

I don't know your burden, but sending you some hugs