Desperate and miserable but too traumatized to off myself after failed attempts

[suicidalcatlady]

Fuck bro. I know I've posted stuff like this on here before but the true suffering that comes from this is wildly more horrible than I thought it'd be. Most attempts fail and I've had 5 severe failed ones. I want off this earth so badly and am absolutely miserable but am too scared to even plan an attempt anymore. All they've done is make me more traumatized and had my autonomy taken away. I've been locked up in an ICU unable to roll over shitting myself in a diaper and having to pee in a bed pan, I've been showered by CNA's and had them pull down my pants and underwear because I couldn't myself, I've had to relearn how to walk for a year and almost needed nerve surgery. And can't forget how American psych wards are horrible and take away your phone which is so scary because it's your connection to the outside world. This isn't even including trying to end my life from my eating disorder which has ruined my life Just fuck my life I really hope something just takes me out. Because living like this isn't a life. I've lost most of my friends from how mentally ill am. I wish someone would take mercy on me and just end it.

 

[joey2424]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. That kind of treatment is totally inhumane, what a horrible experience to have to go through.

 

[meatballlover]

Im so sorry for you that sounds terrible. Geniunely scary how much "safety" is prioritized over anatomy it makes me wanna puke. I hope you dont mind me asking, what was the cause of hospitalization? (Attempt ik but i mean more specifically) But no need to answer if you dont want to. Wish you the best.

 

[suicidalcatlady]

Im so sorry for you that sounds terrible. Geniunely scary how much "safety" is prioritized over anatomy it makes me wanna puke. I hope you dont mind me asking, what was the cause of hospitalization? (Attempt ik but i mean more specifically) But no need to answer if you dont want to. Wish you the best.

I know right! It's wild what they prioritize.
I've had many hospitalizations. The ICU was because so many labs were extremely off including oxygen due to OD. Relearning to walk was because I fell and was on the ground for days before police came and my nerve was extremely damaged from me laying on one side.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much. That kind of treatment is totally inhumane, what a horrible experience to have to go through.

Thank you

 

[egyptian_baddie]

Fuck bro. I know I've posted stuff like this on here before but the true suffering that comes from this is wildly more horrible than I thought it'd be. Most attempts fail and I've had 5 severe failed ones. I want off this earth so badly and am absolutely miserable but am too scared to even plan an attempt anymore. All they've done is make me more traumatized and had my autonomy taken away. I've been locked up in an ICU unable to roll over shitting myself in a diaper and having to pee in a bed pan, I've been showered by CNA's and had them pull down my pants and underwear because I couldn't myself, I've had to relearn how to walk for a year and almost needed nerve surgery. And can't forget how American psych wards are horrible and take away your phone which is so scary because it's your connection to the outside world. This isn't even including trying to end my life from my eating disorder which has ruined my life Just fuck my life I really hope something just takes me out. Because living like this isn't a life. I've lost most of my friends from how mentally ill am. I wish someone would take mercy on me and just end it.

I relate to you , part of my survival instinct is me being scared to end up in ward or ICU , both terrible experiences that are humiliating, especially psych wards , they smh make you worse mentally

 

[suicidalcatlady]

I relate to you , part of my survival instinct is me being scared to end up in ward or ICU , both terrible experiences that are humiliating, especially psych wards , they smh make you worse mentally

Yes tho my god, the one reason I'm too scared to attempt is the horrors of surviving. One of my biggest fears is ending up surviving as a vegetable holy shit or locked in syndrome.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

Yes tho my god, the one reason I'm too scared to attempt is the horrors of surviving. One of my biggest fears is ending up surviving as a vegetable holy shit or locked in syndrome.

Same i wish i had a gun, i would have just done it in a secluded area, if i dont die from bullet , i would die from the blood loss

 

[cluefixphantom]

What they did to you is a human rights violation. How should someone heal with such abuse? The answer is, they just make money from abusing the already traumatized and helpless humans. Everyone in that psych-field is a psychopath.