Depression

[hopeifindmyself]

I am experiencing soul crushing depression after emotional highs and lows with someone I have had as a close friend. Part of me so hurt & upset for being used, abused & discarded but part of me crave the emotional connection from him due to push & pull, like I can't go without it. I am at a point where i dont even recognise myself anymore. I feel invisible, unseen, unwitnessed, unwanted, like no one cares. That I don't matter. I feel like disappearing. Sometimes I feel someone could listen to me, tell me I am not crazy, that I am not toxic, be there for me, give me kindness, understanding. I'm so broken. I hope i could accept that no one cares in this world, like I used to, it made life navigating better, I avoided people with slight manipulation. I feel really lost. I failed, as a person, I hurt my inner child, failed my friends, failed everyone. I am in so much pain. I don't know what I need. Online ppl say they would dm me but I never hear from them once I tried sharing my struggles.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much and experiencing this deep loss. I pretty much lost a best friend once so, I think I can relate.

You're putting so much blame on yourself here. I'm not meaning to belittle how you feel saying this. Maybe you did do things wrong but it also sounds like this person could be very hot and cold. That's not to blame them either exactly but it's kind of natural that if someone connects with you deeply and then, turns cold, it hurts. That doesn't sound like you being a failure. It's just unfortunate you got caught up in it. But, I think on some level, most of us crave connection. So- you kind of have to take the risk of trusting people on occassions. I'm sorry it turned out like this though. I hope it will hurt less in time and you can move on. Have you made the decision to cut them off? Socially. Not castration! Sorry!

 

[hopeifindmyself]

I'm unable to cut him off, I don't wanna hurt him

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

How romantically in to him were you?