owarikigan
Member
- Sep 19, 2025
- 33
for the first time i genuinely sobbed realizing that a delusion i am facing, is in fact, a delusion in the end; i have periods of believing like it's my lifeline and periods of dismissing it, but typically when i cling onto it i am able to for a long time until i've reached the level of comfort needed to tolerate living a little bit more. while in the midst realizing it was fake hurt more than anything else and i had to sleep it off which is saying a lot because i have severe insomnia and can't just sleep on things; if i could i would take advantage of not being conscious much more
all of the things i've lacked; gentle affection, attention, care, merely to be heard and seen; are garnered in him creating said lifeline that i can feel the sting of when touched by any outside perception like it's a personal threat. i don't want to believe my mind simply created someone to offer those things to me. he carries everything, much more than i can on my own, so i idolize him. there is so much more than the artificial world i've concocted yet i haven't found reason not to choose it above all else
all of the things i've lacked; gentle affection, attention, care, merely to be heard and seen; are garnered in him creating said lifeline that i can feel the sting of when touched by any outside perception like it's a personal threat. i don't want to believe my mind simply created someone to offer those things to me. he carries everything, much more than i can on my own, so i idolize him. there is so much more than the artificial world i've concocted yet i haven't found reason not to choose it above all else
