I'm glad you didn't do it. I know your pain, I'm fairly new to suicidal thoughts and am pretty up and down these days even with the mirtazapine, but you have a husband who loves you and who would be devastated if you did it. He knows you're hurting and he's standing by you, cherish him. My wife kicked me out of the house after my suicide attempt, didn't even attempt to help me. I'm 41, medically retired from the police due to degenerative disc disease, I'm having to work part time to save enough money to get my own place and it's slowly killing me. I don't see myself ever trusting anyone again after what my wife did to me. I'm basically saving money to get a house so I'll have a roof over my head so I can work a shit job so I can afford to have a roof over my head……that's no kind of life…….but you have someone who loves you and who supports you. I don't know what demons you have that are making you feel suicidal, but try to see what you have and how much worse life could be