Help Ctb in the next days or life in prison

[Gregorius]

Today I received mail from the police, I was charged with drug saling on the darknet (I will not comment further on this) The usual prison sentence is 1-5 years. With my background, it is also possible that I come to forensic psychiatry. I list now two options for which I need your advice.

(It is important to say, that your election does not incite me to Ctb. My decision is reserved for me and free from other opinions. I will value everything here as an opinion, regardless of my)


Option 1: Ctb with Sn
My whole life is a total loss. Like a high speed crash into a wall.

I suffer from several mental disorders like depression, mental pain and beginning psychosis with delusions. No antidepressants help. Very often, really very often I have tried to do something on my own. Starting with moving to my father. This again ended up in a psychiatric ward. 100 times... Arms slashed left and right, shitty flat shares... Everything failed because of my head. And then there's God, I tried that on too. This line is not available. And finally, politics... A disaster. Never again. Also, I am unable to go to school normally. The reasons are all too numerous. Severe depression and laziness, bad combo.
My future is ruined. Years in prison are ahead of me.

Option 2: Continue living

Give life a thousand chances, why? Because I want to be a gardener. The suicidal gardener and prisoner? Wow, that's...

Because I still want to be a writer. Suicidal depressive inmate writer and gardener. That would be a stage-ready prequel... After all, society's celebrating shit as never before. Besides, people (friends and acquaintances) told me that they liked my half-baked writings on Google Doc. But that doesn't count shit! What counts is that people from the INTERNET said them as well. Anyway, they recognized potential (Whatever) . My time, which is coming up if I stay alive, will not be a fairy tale book. Nevertheless I could start again. But I have already tried it so often. Too many times. How am I ever going to get my life back on track. More importantly, HOW CAN I MY UNDERSTAND IN THE ROW? After many unsuccessful therapies from 2015 until now, nothing has helped. None of this will be magicked away in the future, as nice as it might be. Still, I could try it and bleed again. Crying again. As a depressed writer and gardener? Oh, I don't know. If I found my purpose in life, would I find myself?


Thanks to everyone who has read up here. What would you do now if you were in my position. Option 1 or Option 2?

 

[LM10]

option 1 for me

 

[Gregorius]

Why do you defame me as a troll? What do you justify this claim with?

 

[Jumper Geo]

Option 2 for me,

Look at how long you will spend in prison especially with early release for good behavior, nothing has gone right for you maybe a time out for a year will give you a chance to write as you will be in a cell for long periods of time, you may be able to work in the prison or ask about retraining and work and studying for a horticultural degree.

Cheers

Geo

 

[Living sucks]

Option2: As i am dying from incurable illness but want to live I would rather live in prison physically healthy than die as I am now.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

I agree with Geo, 1-5 years (idk what you were selling/how much etc) but if you can cut some deal especially with what you mentioned forensic psychiatry, is that like you can plead mental illness as the problem? That would probably cut a few years off, and yeah with good behavior it'll be a lot less of the time given.
Also you could work out, get your head together, read a load of books, study for academics, write a lot of course! Like I'm not saying your problems ain't bad but you can recover I think, if your a vendor on the dn you know your way around computers or something surely. Jobs when your out will be plenty for anyone studying for the past year, someone will give you a break, too many people know former prisoners I think now lol. Just my opinion man I wish you the best

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

You are from germany, so I would definitely go for option 2. In prison you can use your free time to better yourself (read books and stuff) maybe learn a trade. Viel glück dir.

 

[Aftex]

Another troll. I get so tired of this.

Anyway, in the 0.1% chance you're actually telling the truth, you better commit suicide soon. It'll be a lot harder to commit suicide in prison. (Unless you're Jeffrey Epstein and all the cameras get mysteriously turned off and the guards fall asleep while you're supposedly committing suicide.)

It really isn't that hard to ctb in prison there are plenty of places to hang in a cell, free razors if you prefer that way and your drug options are pretty varied. I managed to get my hands on a lot of pills even with them knowing I had od'd before. Just not quite enough to finish it and after roll check at 8pm there where no checks till 5am

 

[shipwreck]

in the 0.1% chance you're actually telling the truth, you better commit suicide soon

Encouraging someone to ctb is against the rules:

Do Not

• Harass, bully, or insult other members.
  • Do not harass, bully, insult, or attack members, no matter the reason. If they break the rules, report them. Do not troll or proselytize, meaning do not impose your views - no matter what they are - on others or make threads to get people riled up.
• Encourage any acts, including suicide, or ask others for encouragement.
  • Do not encourage, manipulate, coerce or help users carry out acts of any nature whatsoever, including suicide; only provide information and emotional support to those who ask for it. Do not try to get the community to tell you what to do, only you can choose your path and actions. Only request emotional support or factual information

 

[Close_to_freedom]

You said 1-5 years. How does that equal life in prison? Why is Gen Z so stupid?

 

[I screwed up]

Option 1 for me. Just my opinon

 

[peacetoall]

Option 2

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Do the right thing. Turn yourself in.

 

[Jean Améry]

In light of the very reasonable remark made by @Morphosis I withdraw my earlier initial assesment of possible trolling: it seems I jumped the gun and the alternative explanation is at the very least possible. We really shouldn't assume someone is trolling unless it's overt and/or there's a pattern of that kind of behaviour.

I do stand by the rest of my original post:

1) it's your decision and yours alone. What other people would do (purely theoretically) is or should be of no consequence to you. Others have very different experiences, preferences, personalities etcetera so what is right for them isn't necessarily right for you.

2) unless you have other serious issues you can't or don't want to resolve it seems excessive to CTB over the prospect of going to prison for a relatively short period of time. Talk to a lawyer and see where you stand. You seem to have quite a few projects and dreams for the future that seem to be quite attainable so why throw that away just because you're (understandably) scared now?

If you end up in a secure psychiatric wing I'd say the chances of suffering violence or abuse should be fairly low.

 

[autumnal]

It really isn't that hard to ctb in prison there are plenty of places to hang in a cell, free razors if you prefer that way and your drug options are pretty varied. I managed to get my hands on a lot of pills even with them knowing I had od'd before. Just not quite enough to finish it and after roll check at 8pm there where no checks till 5am

Personally, I'd say it is vastly more difficult to suicide in prison compared to the outside world. Let's not forget that cutting and pills are already very unreliable methods here on the outside at the best of times, and even less so when you are in prison and under fairly regular observation. Hanging may be more viable, but if you are seen or fail the first attempt, then you are moved to a more suicide-proof setting and all methods become practically impossible.

Not trying to steer the OP in one direction or the other, but I think it is important they have an accurate picture of their options. Suicide in prison is vastly more difficult than on the outside. Not saying it is impossible, obviously. But definitely more difficult, without any shadow of a doubt. If you are choosing to go to prison based on the belief that you can suicide easily there, then you are setting yourself up for failure and serving the full sentence.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Option 2. When I am faced with uncomfortable situations, I figure I can take notes and write about it later for others. It can be therapeutic and who knows? Orange is the New Black was pretty successful (though I like Wentworth better, which I think is Australian).

 

[Morphosis]

The title of this thread is a misnomer: 1-5 years obviously does not equal life in prison.

I thought the same thing when I saw the title, then when I read the post I'm guessing OP possibly meant the option of CTB versus continuing to live but having to live in prison, as opposed to meaning a life sentence.
I could be wrong and not trying to speak for someone else. I'm just guessing they phrased it a bit ambiguously.
My heart goes out to anyone facing this choice.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Wait. I can't wrap my head around this.

The police charged you with a felony by mail?

Did they enclose a DIY fingerprinting kit, handcuffs, cab fare, and the address to the police station?

Lazy fuckers. I want to live where you do. Black Americans should try to go there for political asylum.

 

[Morphosis]

Wait. I can't wrap my head around this.

The police charged you with a felony by mail?

Did they enclose a DIY fingerprinting kit, handcuffs, cab fare, and the address to the police station?

Lazy fuckers. I want to live where you do. Black Americans should try to go there for political asylum.

Classic. You just made me smile and I don't do that a lot these days

 

[Close_to_freedom]

This site is now 4chan.

 

[Jean Améry]

I thought the same thing when I saw the title, then when I read the post I'm guessing OP possibly meant the option of CTB versus continuing to live but having to live in prison, as opposed to meaning a life sentence.

That's quite possible and even likely. Especially if the OP isn't a native English speaker. 'Life in prison' generally means a life sentence but if he meant 'living in prison' it's another matter entirely.

Good catch. In light of your remark I ammended my earlier post.

 

[lostangel]

If I was in your position I would choose option 1. But that's because me personally I am fed up with life. But end the end of the day it is your option.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I'm assuming the OP means A life in prison, rather than doing life.

Honestly it might be worth it to just tough it out. My Dad went to prison for burglary, said it was easy. My Step Dad went to prison for a more serious offence, and hated it. It sounds like you'd be low secure anyway, with nothing but some rapscallions to worry about.

Also, what's 1 year? Best case scenario. You might even get to do training or cool hobbies.

 

[Aap]

If you say his name four times, the hacker known as 4chan will appear.

 

[Quarky00]

Member is in distress , it's not just going to prison but with their "dysfunctional" background and being committed . Would you like to be committed ? Member mentioned forensic psychiatrist which means they may not receive lax conditions in prison/ward . Member stated they're from a central European country which may explain language barriers , police procedures , crackdown on drugs , significance of criminal record , etc .

Member may be sentenced to 5 years in prison and feels this is a calamity , and I think many of us would feel similarly , especially considering this may be actually be signing up for 5 years of locked down mental hospitalization . Being a prisoner in a psych ward is not peachy . Many of us barely make it on the outside so receiving such a letter (prob notifying of investigation or charges), warning of being locked for years, could be reasonably perceived as a disaster and a trigger . Mentioning your personal preference in that situation is totally okay , but I'd just be generally careful with opinions




As for the question at hand , I'd be lost for answer .

If you are referred to criminal psychiatrist here and have serious psychiatric history this means a closed ward . Our local mental hospital is huge -- and bad . Full of cockroaches and abuse , no personal items or phone in closed wards , and lots of violence from staff and inmates (not to their fault: schizophrenic) . Due to overcapacity (135%) patients can be 'housed' in corridors , next to storage rooms , or in front of the toilet ... Complaints or requests mean going to isolation . Things are so bad in the ward that many patients would rather spend 14 days in isolation :(

Most of your physical health issues will be ignored . That is a huge consideration if you are not physically well . I talked to the hostpital's psychiatrist personally , so I know. You are referred to specialist only if in danger. I speculate that otherwise physical pain is ignored. Don't count on the normal routine of asking GP for meds. There isn't much therapy or rehabilitation , you don't learn anything , and you're not really allowed a breath of fresh air (no "yard") . It's not maximum security and not very harsh in nature -- just lack of care and utter negligence . I have heard that some hospitals in big Western countries can be similar , by first-hand testimonials from patients that I questioned. It's not a complete nightmare (occasional compassion , mild activity in ward, some friendships) but it's not good .

Spending 3 years under these conditions would scare the crap out of me . I honestly wouldn't know what to do . However , this doesn't represent all hospitals and a few are better and offer rehabilitation and good care. Germanic countries especially emphasize and invest in real rehabilitation (around 10 countries in EU). So I would research this. Look for patients who spent time there.

As procedures have only started there are some chances you won't be sentenced or be sentenced for very short period , so I would definitely wait for sentencing before deciding .

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Full of cockroaches and abuse

I just had a flashback of a movie, 12 monkeys? It's matt damon, the guy from fight club I think, no idea my brain is frazzled. Anyway I visited a 'friend' in a place similar and it was all white walls, bleach smell, roaches etc, like the same, 23 hrs/day inside.
Emm yeah I would like to revise my previous comment, if there's any chance of being assigned to that level of torture I would think the exact same way. Not saying anything either way.
Damn I wish I could help man!

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

Since encouraging/promoting suicide is against TOS, let's focus on option 2, the prison.

Main question: How tough are you? Answer it.

Continuing on. Can you FIGHT and FIGHT HARD? Will you be able to viciously punch an inmate who does a chin check on you (a light punch on someone's chin, to test their reaction), and not let up until one of you is unconscious or the guards come running? Will you be able to jump up and drag someone out of their chair and hit them in the stomach, if he reaches over your plate in the chow hall (dining room). Will you be able to improvise weapons out of random crap found around the prison? (Like make a stabbing tool out of a toothbrush, by sharpening the handle against the concrete floor.) Will you be able to slip out, then punch and kick the inmate who grabs you from behind in the shower room?

If your answer to all these questions isn't "yes", then I'm sure you will NOT have a good time in prison. I know I wouldn't. If I knew I were going to prison, I'd CTB and CTB fast. Even I don't have SN, I'd use anything and everything found in my home, whether by drinking it, breathing it in, or using it on my body. I'd want to be safely on the bus before the police comes to my home to arrest me.

Oh, wait. You're in Germany. I don't know much about German prisons. My answer applies mainly to American prisons. From what I know, Europe's prisons are easier than American prisons, and their inmates aren't as cruel. But I'm going by what I know.

 

[Gregorius]

thank you for all your news I'm bad in English and write with Google Translator why some sentences sound weird. I haven't achieved much in my life and am a pussy, yes. But no troll. Of course, I didn't mean I had to live in prison or psychiatry. It's just about years. I would like to take sn I'm just afraid of the pain. If you sit alone at home for years, you come up with stupid ideas and reveal the fewThe few who still love you

 

[Deleted member 14386]

thank you for all your news ❤ I'm bad in English and write with Google Translator why some sentences sound weird. I haven't achieved much in my life and am a pussy, yes. But no troll. Of course, I didn't mean I had to live in prison or psychiatry. It's just about years. I would like to take sn I'm just afraid of the pain. If you sit alone at home for years, you come up with stupid ideas and reveal the fewThe few who still love you

No-one who is charged with what you are being charged with is a pussy!!! Especially coming here and considering ctb'ing, your no pussy.
English is fine mate don't worry I think I get the jist.
Can you honestly talk to a lawyer about all this or has that already happened? Attorney-client privilege and all that. Idk if that's an option since they might be tied by the 'if your a danger to yourself or others' bit of the law, then it's all white padded walls lol (JK)

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

If you sit alone at home for years, you come up with stupid ideas.

This is a good point. I read on the news that there was a big spike in calls to the National Suicide Hotline when the Corona lockdowns began, and that doesn't include the people who actually went through with it. People aren't always good at coping with social isolation. Those who would normally be out of their homes, having fun and mingling with other people, are instead trapped alone with their thoughts. Also, the politicians are very cruel and insensitive about the lockdowns, especially liberals (American liberals, that is). They preach about doing it "for your safety", and ignore the resulting mental health issues, including suicides.

In other words, they unilaterally took away everyone's social lives, including my own, until I found a way to get it back illegally. But not everyone is that lucky.