ctb failure

[nonentity]

it was too much for me to handle it today so i grabbed the tie to my satin robe, tied my slipknot and began a partial suspension. it was so relaxing - like it was finally over. like, i don't have to worry anymore. i was so close to blacking out, i saw white with fuzzy edges and the sound of my heart pulsing in my head but nothing hurt. not anymore.

but then i didn't realize that the slip not i tied wasn't fully knotted (i've never tied a slipknot before), and right as i was about to lose consciousness, i fell flat on my face forward. i started spasming, and just it was awful. i hated not being able to ctb. i want to do it again. i tried again, but the second time, i felt guilty for the mess i made and the mess i was going to make for my roommates and husband so. i stopped the second time.

i don't want to live anymore.
but i feel guilty for going through with it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Failing ctb is exactly what I fear, it must had been horrible going through that experience, I hate how it's so difficult to finally die.

 

[yellowroses]

I'm so sorry you went through that, a failed attempt is one of the worst experiences. Hopefully you can take it as a learning opportunity to ensure success if you decide to try again. I'm glad to hear it was peaceful for you up until the knot slipped though, gives me hope that it will be a pleasant experience if I decide to use that method.

 

[cami]

im so sorry my love.

 

[oh_no191]

failing in general sucks but especially when it comes to ctb. I know this is easier said than done but get yourself back up because you'll be okay. I'm sorry that happened though, sounds painful and embarrassing. I hope it's easier next time.

 

[nonentity]

Failing ctb is exactly what I fear, it must had been horrible going through that experience, I hate how it's so difficult to finally die.

it really was - it was amazing until yanked back to consciousness. so, so peaceful, but just to feel everything rush back.

I'm so sorry you went through that, a failed attempt is one of the worst experiences. Hopefully you can take it as a learning opportunity to ensure success if you decide to try again. I'm glad to hear it was peaceful for you up until the knot slipped though, gives me hope that it will be a pleasant experience if I decide to use that method.

it really was probably just as traumatizing as living honestly haha - i won't make the same mistake twice, since i tied the knot the proper way this time. it was just so nice, you get warm and you can breathe, and feels like you're falling asleep (to me)

im so sorry my love.

it's okay - maybe it was just my lack of planning that told me that i needed to be better prepared next time ♥

failing in general sucks but especially when it comes to ctb. I know this is easier said than done but get yourself back up because you'll be okay. I'm sorry that happened though, sounds painful and embarrassing. I hope it's easier next time.

it was incredibly embarrassing, and just falling on the floor made me feel like an idiot who suffered even more hahaha

next time will definitely be easier. i just need to allow my throat to feel better now, and rest up to be able to go again