CTB after making everyone hate you

[terminalending]

Do you think it's a good way to make everyone you love hate you? You might do something terrible to them. Not enough to hurt them, but enough to make them hate you immensely. It may be heartbreaking that the people you love despise you, but is it worth it to know that their grief is greatly diminished after you die?

 

[momdontcryplease]

No because when I'm dead I won't feel anything but when I'm alive I would feel the hurt from making them hate me. idk

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

Honestly, I can't stay I recommend it. I did this on my first attempt when I was younger and didn't know what I was doing, survived, and just ended up without friends, and a mountain of guilt.

In my opinion, suddenly having your friend do something so awful to you that you hate them forever and don't want to see them can be just as painful as losing someone to death. It can also backfire if they learn you did this intentionally with the idea of helping them grieve, which would look suspicious since you CTB soon afterward. Might even make them think they are the cause of your death after they may say hurtful things or no longer want to see you.

Overall, I wouldn't do it. Too much risk of ending up hurting the people you care about even more. Grieving sucks, but not bad enough to need to fool everyone into thinking you were a worse person than you were. Let them grieve the real you.

 

[terminalending]

Honestly, I can't stay I recommend it. I did this on my first attempt when I was younger and didn't know what I was doing, survived, and just ended up without friends, and a mountain of guilt.

In my opinion, suddenly having your friend do something so awful to you that you hate them forever and don't want to see them can be just as painful as losing someone to death. It can also backfire if they learn you did this intentionally with the idea of helping them grieve, which would look suspicious since you CTB soon afterward. Might even make them think they are the cause of your death after they may say hurtful things or no longer want to see you.

Overall, I wouldn't do it. Too much risk of ending up hurting the people you care about even more. Grieving sucks, but not bad enough to need to fool everyone into thinking you were a worse person than you were. Let them grieve the real you.

yes, i think the worst possibility is them thinking it was their fault. i wasn't planning on doing it personally, but i thought some people might.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

yes, i think the worst possibility is them thinking it was their fault. i wasn't planning on doing it personally, but i thought some people might.

Oh phew, I was worried you were planning on doing it.

I tried it on my first attempt when I was a teen, and damn do I regret making them hate me. Granted I survived so maybe I'm not the best example to say if it helps anyone grieve or not.

But coming out of the mental hospital after all the mistreatment in there, only to learn all my friends blocked me on everything and never want to talk to me again, suicide attempt survivor or not; there was so much pain and loneliness for me. Destroying your social circle certainly makes the danger of failing/surviving much more painful.

 

[AshClouds]

I pushed all my friends away years ago. When I go out, nobody will care, and thats fine with me. I don't want to have anything lingering over my mind when I pull the tirgger…

 

[terminalending]

Oh phew, I was worried you were planning on doing it.

I tried it on my first attempt when I was a teen, and damn do I regret making them hate me. Granted I survived so maybe I'm not the best example to say if it helps anyone grieve or not.

But coming out of the mental hospital after all the mistreatment in there, only to learn all my friends blocked me on everything and never want to talk to me again, suicide attempt survivor or not; there was so much pain and loneliness for me. Destroying your social circle certainly makes the danger of failing/surviving much more painful.

To be fair the only reason I'm not doing it is because I wanted to be remembered and I wanted to be grieved a lot. I'm really sorry to hear about your past attempts. I've had failed attempts too, but being so lonely and isolated and not having a support network must have been demolishing and a traumatic experience.

I pushed all my friends away years ago. When I go out, nobody will care, and thats fine with me. I don't want to have anything lingering over my mind when I pull the tirgger…

Yeah, I figured some people might think like that. I suppose it makes sesne for some people. I do get that doing that might rid you of a burden before you die.

 

[AshClouds]

Yeah, I figured some people might think like that. I suppose it makes sesne for some people. I do get that doing that might rid you of a burden before you die.

I pushed them away not because I was planning to kill myself (I wasn't even suicidal at the time), but because I was very depressed.

 

[Tartuffe]

The only people who care for me are those with the same blood. No one else other than my weed dealer will know I'm.even gone

 

[Venus13]

That's just going to cause more disturbance in them that you acted so erratic and made them feel mad. They'll carry an even higher guilt about distancing, harsh final words said, etc. It would likely result in much more manageable grief for them to feel more peace when you die.

I noticed in grieving people they care deeply about last interactions and final memories. They'll play those out over and over and over in their minds as they process. The more peaceful those final interactions are the more ease generally comes during the grieving process. Fights, chaos, emotional storms, etc at the end will leave them in a state of absolute disastrous shock and grief. It's like that energy just loses its closure point and sticks. You want pleasant things to stick to their brain. People will grieve either way, you can't prevent that.

I would want my death as dignified and graceful as humanly possible for myself and others.

 

[Das Nichts]

Nah, I would possible stir myself up mentally and I think CTB is best done when your as calm as
possible.

I phased out contact as much as possible but still react to messages and such.

 

[Twistedliesinside]

That's kind of you to be so selfless that you're trying to diminish their grief. Although I know that when people die, others will be sad, they'll forget any wrongs and often times remember the dead in only the most positive light. Stop worrying about others and think about what you need and want. If you're still so focused on the impact you might cause, I believe the best way to make it easier on others would be the opposite of what you thought of. Do kind things for those around you. It will make the pain they feel for you bitter-sweet, but meaningful, which is the best anyone could hope to make others feel after they're gone.

 

[sadscotsman]

Generally, nobody really gives a shit about me anyway. My dad's it. After he dies, I'll CTB.

 

[suicidalloser]

Suicide will make everyone hate, because:
A. It's taboo.
B. Failing makes me a worthless slug who can't even kill himself
C. It's burdening whether they forwardly admit or not; the grim reality

also, the adamant to want to die will also make everyone hate you, distant themselves, see you as a burden, baggage, annoying, crazy, mental, all of the above.
also truth.

 

[istheretrulyalife?]

On the off chance you do fail, who would you come back to if you got everyone to hate you?

 

[terminalending]

On the off chance you do fail, who would you come back to if you got everyone to hate you?

more motivation to CTB, no?

 

[Moonomyth]

Do you think it's a good way to make everyone you love hate you? You might do something terrible to them. Not enough to hurt them, but enough to make them hate you immensely. It may be heartbreaking that the people you love despise you, but is it worth it to know that their grief is greatly diminished after you die?

If it helps with your peace of mind and makes you more resolved, then I see no problem with it.

I have also felt this way, and in the event my recovery efforts fail and I decide to CTB, I have filed away the information I need to break the people who would be most strongly affected by my passing.

However, I have also reconciled myself with the knowledge that I would not be doing this for their own good. I don't think it would help them grieve less, but would temper the pain. They would spit on my grave if done correctly, but they'd still be weeping over it as well.

In short, if I had to get people to hate me first, I would be doing it for spite's sake, not for their own benefit. It's a choice I'd make if whatever drove me to finally CTB also meant I wouldn't care about the emotional collateral damage. If you can do it with that motivation in mind, it becomes much easier.

All of that said, I think it's good that you're tempering the impulse, because not caring about collateral damage is also how we get a non-zero number of mass shooters. Keep physical harm to oneself.

 

[suicidalloser]

more motivation to CTB, no?

for me, yes