Coping with wanting connection while ending it

[waterrrrrrrrrbottel]

Now that I have my CTB plan, my friends have been telling me I've been acting off and a lot of them are worried after insistent "I'm OK"'s. I really want them to ask if I'm okay. But I know my choice is death and I can't have both. How do I cope with refraining from being as active, while not raising suspicion, for the next 9 or so days? Has anyone else gone through this?

 

[Abyssal]

This will probably come off as somewhat insulting, but I'm working off my past experience here. Sorry in advance.

Is it possible that you are hoping to get help and that your wish for suicide will make people care about you? I know it's easier said that done for people to care, but if you are craving connection is it possible that receiving it will help you feel better?

 

[jbear824]

Good question by @Abyssal that's definitely worth thinking about.

But to provide a possible solution to your question. You could tell them you have covid or some other contagious illness and that you have to isolate. Pretty believable.

 

[Celerity]

I'm not sure most people can give up the need for connection. We're wired for it. It's a terrible position to be in. I'm sorry.