Venting constantly pushed back

[wastingpotential]

i'd like to think that i try my hardest to stick around and not just ctb, but also stay clean from harming myself and trying to recover. but it feels like everytime i even let my guard down a little, a giant whirlwind comes out of nowhere and pushes me right back down to rock bottom, drained and exhausted.

and in those moments it feels like it's the hardest to come back up from, like suddenly everything feels so distant and i can't reach out for anything that could save me, i don't feel like the person i love the most and want to spend my future with even wants to talk to me currently, almost disinterested; and other friends feel so out of reach when it comes to communicating my issues, i feel like a burden when i do, and sometimes that almost feels proven.

i'm going through so much and it's all hitting me in the face minute after minute. i don't know how i'll manage to go on. i didn't have plans to ctb yet, i wanted to see things through. but even just the next few months are leaving me with dread and i'm so tired beforehand. i'm so lost

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, it's one of the most awful things about existing in this world how there is no limit as to how much we can suffer. Feeling trapped in this world really can be so incredibly tiring and it does sound like you've suffered a lot. Life certainly is so unnecessarily cruel.

 

[bigdog]

Huge pushbacks at the wrong time are the worst