monetpompo
૮ • ﻌ - ა
- Apr 21, 2025
- 54
I'm getting uglier these days. Getting worse sleep. My face is sour (you need to smile all the time so people know you're happy!!) and I'm always frowning without noticing. I don't feel like doing much of anything and I feel annoying when I try to text my friend throughout the day because I know I'm just at home doing nothing while he works, goes to his university, and lives at his apartment like a functioning adult. I feel like a failure to him a lot of the time and it's genuinely so hard to not compare myself to him. My sister's always doing better than me, too. She doesn't know that I spend all my time at home because she's always out of the house.
I feel like all I really can do is kill myself because I feel like a burden to others. I can't get a job because I don't have a car and I can't drive. I can't go out of the house unless my dad wants to drive me or someone offers to hang out with me. I have other friends in town but they can't drive either. I feel like if I can't move out and go to university, I'm just going to want to die. I can't stand living with my parents. I can't stand not being able to live my own life and sitting in my room alone wanting someone to fix my life. I just feel so pathetic that I'm even like this. I don't care that I was born a girl. All I did was send nudes to older guys when I was younger. It hasn't made my life easier at all. People don't take my suffering seriously because to them I'm just a young girl that's saying they want to kill themselves for attention. I'm just a stereotype to people. I'm more of a fetish for my race and identity than a human being. My parents could never afford me. I'm the youngest of three, and they've always been poor. I'm the stupidest, angriest, and most untalented person in the family. I'm a burden. People tell you to not think that, but they wouldn't know what life would be like if you never existed. The world wouldn't be much different. All that would change is that no one would have met you and your parents wouldn't have had another kid. Ever since I was young, I thought that their lives without be easier if I was never born so that they wouldn't need to care for me. There's an alternate reality where I wasn't able to be born that they pretend isn't better.
I'm not that important and my life doesn't matter. People always forget about me or find ways to replace me. They always move on from me because I'm too immature and I break down when I think people don't like me. If I killed myself, then people would finally want me around. They would only want me if they couldn't get me back again. Being suicidal always makes people uncomfortable because they don't want to deal with someone else's feelings or to be held accountable if someone does kill themselves. The people I have in my life don't need me around. I don't need myself to be around. If I died, then all of this grief would be over. It feels like a waste to just exist. You're meant to do more than that. Every single day feels the same. Who even cares if you're suicidal? It feels like people tell you not to do it because they know they're supposed to say that. Last month felt really hard for me. I don't have anyone I can turn to. It hurts a lot. I wish I could tell someone how I feel without them getting scared.
I feel like all I really can do is kill myself because I feel like a burden to others. I can't get a job because I don't have a car and I can't drive. I can't go out of the house unless my dad wants to drive me or someone offers to hang out with me. I have other friends in town but they can't drive either. I feel like if I can't move out and go to university, I'm just going to want to die. I can't stand living with my parents. I can't stand not being able to live my own life and sitting in my room alone wanting someone to fix my life. I just feel so pathetic that I'm even like this. I don't care that I was born a girl. All I did was send nudes to older guys when I was younger. It hasn't made my life easier at all. People don't take my suffering seriously because to them I'm just a young girl that's saying they want to kill themselves for attention. I'm just a stereotype to people. I'm more of a fetish for my race and identity than a human being. My parents could never afford me. I'm the youngest of three, and they've always been poor. I'm the stupidest, angriest, and most untalented person in the family. I'm a burden. People tell you to not think that, but they wouldn't know what life would be like if you never existed. The world wouldn't be much different. All that would change is that no one would have met you and your parents wouldn't have had another kid. Ever since I was young, I thought that their lives without be easier if I was never born so that they wouldn't need to care for me. There's an alternate reality where I wasn't able to be born that they pretend isn't better.
I'm not that important and my life doesn't matter. People always forget about me or find ways to replace me. They always move on from me because I'm too immature and I break down when I think people don't like me. If I killed myself, then people would finally want me around. They would only want me if they couldn't get me back again. Being suicidal always makes people uncomfortable because they don't want to deal with someone else's feelings or to be held accountable if someone does kill themselves. The people I have in my life don't need me around. I don't need myself to be around. If I died, then all of this grief would be over. It feels like a waste to just exist. You're meant to do more than that. Every single day feels the same. Who even cares if you're suicidal? It feels like people tell you not to do it because they know they're supposed to say that. Last month felt really hard for me. I don't have anyone I can turn to. It hurts a lot. I wish I could tell someone how I feel without them getting scared.
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