Comfort in suicide ideation

[BRAINWORMS]

Yes, and it's very paradoxical! One of my biggest triggers for suicidal ideation is the feeling of being trapped. Once I got the means to CTB, I started feeling way less trapped, thus leading to less ideation.

 

[rundschlinge78]

i am so looking forward to the moment of death and also the experience of dying, so i really enjoy thinking about my death. which i do nearly all day, every day.

 

[Cherrypea]

Yes it's lovely and calming to think about it, drifting off and never walking up again. Bliss

 

[Nature_is_God]

This thought introduced me to Emil Cioran.

 

[Bauhaus]

This "vicious circle of suicidal ideation" is something I constantly think about.

It starts with searching for a ctb method which then gives you some relief for a while, until you think (inform more about it) and realize it won't be painless, so you get anxious again. But you delude yourself into thinking when it gets really, really bad you will do it and that gives you comfort again. And then you start thinking even deeper about it, actually visualizing step-by-step what will happen and it gives you a panic attack. So you start thinking about another method and the same process starts over and over again.... it's a real contradictio in terminis, it gives you some temporary relief while at the same it's torture and basically prolongs your suffering indefinitely.
The only way to break this vicious circle is having a sure, definite and painless method, like the one thrw_a_way1221221 mentioned and only then you've finally found peace with yourself.

So much truth in these posts:

Yes, and it's very paradoxical! One of my biggest triggers for suicidal ideation is the feeling of being trapped. Once I got the means to CTB, I started feeling way less trapped, thus leading to less ideation.

yes definitely, I find comfort in there being a way out, but i also kind of seem to use it as an excuse.

The obsession with suicide is characteristic of the man who can neither live nor die, and whose attention never swerves from this double impossibility - Cioran

Especially the latter hits the point, I should print it out in big font and hang it in my room (and remove it when my parents visit, heh).

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same. It's the only thing that comforts me.