Venting childhood, religion, and death

[s1llyg1rl]

ive been wanting to ctb since i was a kid. my family is muslim so when i first learned about death, i was told that if you're a prepubescent child and you die, you have no sins and you'll go straight to heaven. when i heard that i thought i had found a perfect loophole. suicide is a sin, but i was a kid, so i could get away with it. i could skip the hardship of life and go straight to heaven. evidently, i didn't follow through with it, but the idea always lurked in my mind.

when i hit puberty i felt horrible. like i had missed an opportunity. i still do wish i had just done it, even if the promise of being forgiven and forgotten was entirely made up. as hard as life was as a kid and growing up, it doesn't compare to what im going through now.

the accumulation of hardships throughout my life have snowballed into one big lump of dread, and it gets more and more overwhelming with every passing day.

i may not be a kid anymore and ive definitely got my fair share of sins on my hands, but even if leaving this world won't turn out as pleasant as it would've when i was a kid, better late than never.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Yea. that's interesting. Sometimes I wonder if we are dead already, or real at all.

 

[drag201]

Even though I relate, it's horrible to remember how we had those thoughts even as kids. No matter what it is you're going through, I hope you can overcome it. But I understand sometimes even giving our all, we're not strong enough to keep fighting. I hope you're doing well now, and take care. I don't know if you are still religious, but there isn't a single person out there without sin. It doesn't make us bad people, it makes us humans.