Changed my mind but a horrible death awaits me

[EternalSleep]

For reasons outside of my control, there is a good chance I might be deported back to my home country in Mexico.

I will probably be dropped off at the border. I will do my best to run away into the wilderness away from anyone especially kidnappers. But if they catch me that's fine too. They will try their best to get info out of me but I will remain silent at all costs. My silence could result in my killing.

If I don't get caught by criminal groups I will go to a secluded space and die of thirst. It is a fucked up way to go but at this point I have no other choices.

Fuck you life and all that you stand for. My only accomplishment is that I didn't sire any children into this hell.

 

[Tiburcio]

Seems to be a fucked situation, I'm sorry.

 

[EternalSleep]

Seems to be a fucked situation, I'm sorry.

You know what, it is. But honestly I prefer to die a horrible death now instead of postponing it. I am a wage slave now which means I will never see retirement and end up in the streets.

I could significantly reduce my suffering if I can get a hold of a poisonous seed I can eat as soon as I am released into my home country. Then my objective would be to find a secluded space and just wait to die.

 

[Tiburcio]

You know what, it is. But honestly I prefer to die a horrible death now instead of postponing it. I am a wage slave now which means I will never see retirement and end up in the streets.

I could significantly reduce my suffering if I can get a hold of a poisonous seed I can eat as soon as I am released into my home country. Then my objective would be to find a secluded space and just wait to die.

I'm also sorry you have to go in such a painful way.

I understand you and I think it's better as a long-term solution. I never could find the courage for doing it, but they just want to put obstacles to us. If only you had an easier method...

 

[Jonnydoeuk]

For reasons outside of my control, there is a good chance I might be deported back to my home country in Mexico.

I will probably be dropped off at the border. I will do my best to run away into the wilderness away from anyone especially kidnappers. But if they catch me that's fine too. They will try their best to get info out of me but I will remain silent at all costs. My silence could result in my killing.

If I don't get caught by criminal groups I will go to a secluded space and die of thirst. It is a fucked up way to go but at this point I have no other choices.

Fuck you life and all that you stand for. My only accomplishment is that I didn't sire any children into this hell.

Just stay out of the way of the cartels otherwise a gruesome death certainly does await !!

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I admire you and I also am an antinatalist and have been for years now. I'm sorry you're having to face things like this, I can only imagine.

 

[EternalSleep]

I admire you and I also am an antinatalist and have been for years now. I'm sorry you're having to face things like this, I can only imagine.

Good to meet a fellow AN. I used to be pro life back when things were going so well. But then the universe decided to fuck me over big time. It was all a joke. So why bother?

It makes sense that my life will end in utter misery and despair. That is the true nature of the cruel Universe we live in.

 

[EternalSleep]

Just stay out of the way of the cartels otherwise a gruesome death certainly does await !!

I don't know if I can avoid them. I read in the news that they are actively looking for fresh meat being deported. I guess I will leave it up to chance whatever happens. My choices are begging in the streets, get captured by cartels, or die of thirst.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Good to meet a fellow AN. I used to be pro life back when things were going so well. But then the universe decided to fuck me over big time. It was all a joke. So why bother?

It makes sense that my life will end in utter misery and despair. That is the true nature of the cruel Universe we live in.

Haha awesome yeah I found Inmendham videos first in 2010 or so and it made so much sense. I just felt life is inherently so messed up, at best a gamble, why do people let their emotions and desires culminate in creating a baby? And if it's for religious reasons, in the Bible Belt state I live in, I then wonder, well okay, if you believe any sort of Hell is a possibility, why bring children here? Yes the older generations need help, questions about national defense and so on, but hopefully AI could replace this someday so people wouldn't have any logical reason to have or create new life.
People seem to conveniently ignore the pessimism in the Bible, or their brand of atheism or what have you, I mean come on if a person is religious then remember where it says we were conceived in sin, and was it Solomon (I can't be bothered to check right now) who said it's better to have never been born, to that extent. Reddit's AN subforum was a great starting point, then I found sanctioned suicide and then when came crashing down I came here, after a short stent reading TimetoGo on reddit. It's very affirming to find similar minds, thank you. Maybe we did ask to be born for some weird reason, but I can't imagine, considering the kids who starve to death every day. I still ask, what kind of loving God would do that, or send anyone to Hell eternally? And all the other religions and philosophies, save for what is observable imo, cannot be fully trusted, though NDEs are intriguing me. Sorry, ranty today.

 

[EternalSleep]

Haha awesome yeah I found Inmendham videos first in 2010 or so and it made so much sense. I just felt life is inherently so messed up, at best a gamble, why do people let their emotions and desires culminate in creating a baby? And if it's for religious reasons, in the Bible Belt state I live in, I then wonder, well okay, if you believe any sort of Hell is a possibility, why bring children here? Yes the older generations need help, questions about national defense and so on, but hopefully AI could replace this someday so people wouldn't have any logical reason to have or create new life.
People seem to conveniently ignore the pessimism in the Bible, or their brand of atheism or what have you, I mean come on if a person is religious then remember where it says we were conceived in sin, and was it Solomon (I can't be bothered to check right now) who said it's better to have never been born, to that extent. Reddit's AN subforum was a great starting point, then I found sanctioned suicide and then when came crashing down I came here, after a short stent reading TimetoGo on reddit. It's very affirming to find similar minds, thank you. Maybe we did ask to be born for some weird reason, but I can't imagine, considering the kids who starve to death every day. I still ask, what kind of loving God would do that, or send anyone to Hell eternally? And all the other religions and philosophies, save for what is observable imo, cannot be fully trusted, though NDEs are intriguing me. Sorry, ranty today.

Religion is a funny thing. Almost all of them affirm that Earth is not an ideal place to live. Buddhism says life is suffering. Hinduism affirms Samsara as a cyclical trap we are all in. The Abrahamic faiths have the Fall of Man and the nature of sin.

So then people reproduce because of ignorance. I forgive my parents for having dragged me into this mess. Even though I'm destined for a horrible painful death. I forgive them because I too was having a great time in high school and college... So I was a willing participant all along. However, things have changed now and the only thing I desire is the blessed eternal sleep death offers. But sometimes I even wonder if death will truly bring me peace.

Are you actively looking to end your life?

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Religion is a funny thing. Almost all of them affirm that Earth is not an ideal place to live. Buddhism says life is suffering. Hinduism affirms Samsara as a cyclical trap we are all in. The Abrahamic faiths have the Fall of Man and the nature of sin.

So then people reproduce because of ignorance. I forgive my parents for having dragged me into this mess. Even though I'm destined for a horrible painful death. I forgive them because I too was having a great time in high school and college... So I was a willing participant all along. However, things have changed now and the only thing I desire is the blessed eternal sleep death offers. But sometimes I even wonder if death will truly bring me peace.

Are you actively looking to end your life?

You stated everything beautifully, I absolutely agree. And I see, and no not yet, I'm still at the ideation phase, but it may change sooner or later. I'm too scared still to attempt I suppose more than anything. Yeah I wonder that too about dying, it's part of why I stay here I guess. Sorry you were flying and had to fall from the happiness you experienced in your younger years, I have felt this way after my parents died, and I know I was one of the lucky ones in this life.

 

[EternalSleep]

You stated everything beautifully, I absolutely agree. And I see, and no not yet, I'm still at the ideation phase, but it may change sooner or later. I'm too scared still to attempt I suppose more than anything. Yeah I wonder that too about dying, it's part of why I stay here I guess. Sorry you were flying and had to fall from the happiness you experienced in your younger years, I have felt this way after my parents died, and I know I was one of the lucky ones in this life.

Sorry to hear about your parents' death. I can't imagine the pain one feels when losing a loved one. I do hope though that you are able to overcome the thoughts, since suicide is serious. I am thinking about it because of the story I shared. But even if I wasn't in this predicament, it would not change the fact that I would be a wage slave for the rest of my life. You see I hate working. I haven't found my calling and nor would I ever, since I hate life and all that it offers.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Death awaits us all. What this world should aspire to is giving everyone the guarantee of a painless death. If I had that guarantee, I would be happier. But this world is so attached to pain and suffering, I doubt euthanasia will ever be a thing.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Fuck you life and all that you stand for. My only accomplishment is that I didn't sire any children into this hell.

Really sorry for your pain. I agree with you on both points above. Life, human and non-human, is stuffed with pain, suffering. And for what? Death anyway. One of the most beneficent things humans can do, I agree with you, is refuse to create new life--human or animal. I wish I could take away your suffering...

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

Sorry to hear about your parents' death. I can't imagine the pain one feels when losing a loved one. I do hope though that you are able to overcome the thoughts, since suicide is serious. I am thinking about it because of the story I shared. But even if I wasn't in this predicament, it would not change the fact that I would be a wage slave for the rest of my life. You see I hate working. I haven't found my calling and nor would I ever, since I hate life and all that it offers.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter. Death awaits us all. What this world should aspire to is giving everyone the guarantee of a painless death. If I had that guarantee, I would be happier. But this world is so attached to pain and suffering, I doubt euthanasia will ever be a thing.

It's okay, thank you though for your sympathy. I can only imagine the terror you must be feeling readying yourself for your day. I had a natal chart done about me though I'm skeptical about it, but the people who did it predicted I will die soon due to something about Saturn and my alignment, but we were also fighting and falling out as friends so I don't trust it so much. Still, it would be eerie if those things were true, maybe they are, I just don't know and don't understand.

I also hate to work, well, or getting there. I always quit every job I started and currently am scraping by with transcription online, though it doesn't pay quite as much as I like, it allows me to not have to deal with the public and all those stresses. I don't know how people do it in this world honestly. I really like how you stated that about people being attached to pain and suffering, there is indeed a bootstraps self-righteousness pep talk I have often got from people who may have had it worse than me and credited themselves for the progress they made, but they are not me, and we are different people. It's amazing the lack of empathy people have at times, even some who have been suicidal, but everyone is different, and in some cases, I was a jerk and deserved it. Sorry rambling, probably a bit manic but eh.

I apologize for this sort of virtue signal I may give, but truly I wish you the best whatever happens.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

Religion is a funny thing. Almost all of them affirm that Earth is not an ideal place to live. Buddhism says life is suffering. Hinduism affirms Samsara as a cyclical trap we are all in. The Abrahamic faiths have the Fall of Man and the nature of sin.

So then people reproduce because of ignorance. I forgive my parents for having dragged me into this mess. Even though I'm destined for a horrible painful death. I forgive them because I too was having a great time in high school and college... So I was a willing participant all along. However, things have changed now and the only thing I desire is the blessed eternal sleep death offers. But sometimes I even wonder if death will truly bring me peace.

Are you actively looking to end your life?

I honor your admissions...

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I also hate to work, well, or getting there. I always quit every job I started and currently am scraping by with transcription online, though it doesn't pay quite as much as I like, it allows me to not have to deal with the public and all those stresses. I don't know how people do it in this world honestly. I really like how you stated that about people being attached to pain and suffering, there is indeed a bootstraps self-righteousness pep talk I have often got from people who may have had it worse than me and credited themselves for the progress they made, but they are not me, and we are different people. It's amazing the lack of empathy people have at times

I couldn't agree more. I don't have any idea how people get through all the crap and stress. I can't really understand what they do it for. Maybe for kids or other dependents? But then I ask why they arranged to have those dependents (unless they were thrust on them). I spent 13 years of my life preparing for a career and then quit in my first year with TONS of debt. :( I couldn't bring myself to pretend to have it all together anymore. It amazes me that far, far, far, far, far more human beings don't commit suicide.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I couldn't agree more. I don't have any idea how people get through all the crap and stress. I can't really understand what they do it for. Maybe for kids or other dependents? But then I ask why they arranged to have those dependents (unless they were thrust on them). I spent 13 years of my life preparing for a career and then quit in my first year with TONS of debt. :( I couldn't bring myself to pretend to have it all together anymore. It amazes me that far, far, far, far, far more human beings don't commit suicide.

Thanks for the empathy, I just don't understand the optimism so many seem to have, and their apparent lack of questioning the norms of the culture and society they grew up in. I'm far from as radical as some out there, but I also feel quite cynical about many things others seem to take for granted, where people just do relationships and communicate and work things out, or they work and have ambition to advance, or they really believe their views are the only valid ones, without a shred of doubt. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you and to hear about your debt, but I admire that you got that far.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I also feel quite cynical about many things others seem to take for granted, where people just do relationships and communicate and work things out, or they work and have ambition to advance, or they really believe their views are the only valid ones, without a shred of doubt.

First, thanks for your kindness. Empathy, at least I feel, is something we ought to be able to expect without question here. ...

You're right about the apparent futility others pursue with abandon. We all end up the same place: dead and rotting. I think the biologists are right that the pro-lifers are the way they are because of evolutionarily conserved genes that translate into strong cognitive inclinations to value and preserve "like" human life. But we have to fight for the legal right to end our lives peacefully, painlessly, and very quickly. They can believe whatever they want but should have no more power over our self-determination than the (other) religious do.

Here's to our peace.

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

First, thanks for your kindness. Empathy, at least I feel, is something we ought to be able to expect without question here. ...

You're right about the apparent futility others pursue with abandon. We all end up the same place: dead and rotting. I think the biologists are right that the pro-lifers are the way they are because of evolutionarily conserved genes that translate into strong cognitive inclinations to value and preserve "like" human life. But we have to fight for the legal right to end our lives peacefully, painlessly, and very quickly. They can believe whatever they want but should have no more power over our self-determination than the (other) religious do.

Here's to our peace.

Oh no worries at all, it's the least I could do. I'm very glad to have also found a forum like this, honestly it's very helpful just to find other suffering souls. So what if misery loves company, that's not a bad thing imo but rather a helpful vent in most cases.

I basically believe as you do at this stage in my life.

Yes, peace indeed brother, peace for all of us.