Cbt poem again

[kitkatt]

I'll kill myself because even though it looks like I have everything I have nothing. I'm tired of fighting a brain with so much every day.

I will finally feel silence.

I will finally feel loved by something that could never abandon me.

Deaths warm embrace.

They'll hold me warmly as messages goes out

They'll kiss me sweetly as I'm lowered into the dirt

I hope things grow so beautifully around those I couldn't connect to in life and I hope my roots when I'm no longer here can fertilize your success

I can no longer pretend I am okay

I can no longer allow anyone else to inhabit the space that is my heart for it is too full

For I'm already exiting and I hope you all can hear in the ways I can tell you.

I now joke i won't kill myself in the house and it's a joke because I've spent my whole life being abandoned I'd love to die here in this house. I'd love to die with people who've seen me for what I am but I can't I'll never let anyone love me for what I am because I'm self aware enough to people always leave it may not be grand but they will in ways that trigger ever small thing in you no matter how aware you are.