Catching the bus tonight

[NeCkDeEp]

I'll catch the bus tonight around 3 am UK time and gosh I can not believe this? It feels so unreal, this is the thing I've been dreaming about for years.
Leaving the earth, no more crying because I'm still alive, no more dreams about ctb and most importanly no more bad days.

I feel so sorry for my friends, they've been supportive all the time and there are no words for how grateful I am. They're definitely the reason why I haven't done any other attempt this year.
I do really hope that they won't blame themselves as they've done everything they could.
I will send my friends in the evening delayed emails with a link to the documents at my Google Drive account: funny pictures of my pets, ugly pics of me (double chin and that stuff) and most importanly to me videos where they could hear my voice.
God I really hope that this makes grief for them a bit easier.

I'm still in disbelief knowing that today will be the last few hours with my pets, one last time to cuddle with them, one last time to give them kisses and one last time to tell them all how loved they are.
I will always love them.
A lovely member here on SS (I don't know or she'd be happy if I mention her username, however a massive thank you to her!) will call the police in the morning US time to get someone to my apartment to most importanly shelter my pets.
I have left a note for the police with instructions about what to do with my pets and phone numbers of people who might be able to shelter them.
One of my friends has promised me that she will do her best to take at least one of my pet, I really hope that she will able to give one of them a lovely home & I hope that they will get a lot of support out each other.
I will leave more than enough food and water for my pets before I take SN.

My heart aches to think that my family will receive a call tomorrow or the police from my home country at the door, my family will need to catch a flight to see my body. It hurts.

It hurts even more to be still alive, to cry everyday, not seeing any other solution.
I have peace with my decision and I really hope that other people will have peace with my decision as well.
I hope that there will be a bit of relief on everyone's shoulder as well: no more fear of me catching the bus.

I will keep posting here until I took SN so please don't ban me until I've mentioned that I took SN.
I'll make sure after I took SN that my cookies & history will be deleted to avoid that my family or the police will ever have the chance to read through my posts.

 

[Jean4]

Sending love, and we will be here should you want us so you won't be alone.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I wish you find your eternal peace and for your suffering to end.

 

[BPD_LE]

Will be thinking of you ❤

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I hope everything goes well for you

 

[SinisterKid]

I read your SN had arrived. I probably wont be around as I normally turn in around 2am. Hopefully everything that happens between now and later will enable you to find closure and peace and a end to any and all suffering that bought you to this point in your life.

I have no idea what happens once we leave this place, but if there is another life, hopefully we can meet then and shoot the shit over a few drinks. Safe journey my friend, to whatever lies ahead.

 

[Flume]

Safe travels friend, sending hugs from Sweden.

 

[Ark]

I hope you finally find the peace you deserve @NeCkDeEp

It sounds like you have put a lot of thought and preparation into your decision. And I know that is true from your previous posts also.

If you want to talk about anything at all please do so. And I will be here tonight at that time.

 

[Dubs]

Your emails to friends sound very thoughtful.

 

[Soul]

@NeCkDeEp, I wish you the best outcomes for you and for your sweet pets. Journey well x

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Thank you all so much! I really appreciate the support and I hope for the people who are trying to recover that they'll get all the luck in the world.
To the people who are considering to ctb: I hope that you all will find the peace you were looking for, I'm sorry for the people who are considering to ctb that you needed to make that choice and couldn't find happiness in your life.

I read your SN had arrived. I probably wont be around as I normally turn in around 2am. Hopefully everything that happens between now and later will enable you to find closure and peace and a end to any and all suffering that bought you to this point in your life.

I have no idea what happens once we leave this place, but if there is another life, hopefully we can meet then and shoot the shit over a few drinks. Safe journey my friend, to whatever lies ahead.

Thank you so much for your kind words and aye I don't say no to drinks let's hope that it will happen sometime.

I hope you finally find the peace you deserve @NeCkDeEp

It sounds like you have put a lot of thought and preparation into your decision. And I know that is true from your previous posts also.

If you want to talk about anything at all please do so. And I will be here tonight at that time.

Your comment made me cry haha, thank you so much.
I really appreciate your support and kind words, I wish you nothing but the best!

Your emails to friends sound very thoughtful.

I suddenly came up with that plan last night and wow I'd recommend this, the idea of providing my loved ones with funny pictures and videos where they could hear my voice gives me so much more peace and relief.

@NeCkDeEp, I wish you the best outcomes for you and for your sweet pets. Journey well x

Thank you so much!

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Good luck, i wish you well... Will be thinking of you.

 

[Flightlinek]

I hope you have a peaceful transition. I admire how well thought-out your plans are, for your friends and especially your pets. You're too good for this world.

 

[6ixxy]

Ah no fucking way.
It's been an absolute pleasure reading your posts and comments on the forum & you seem like a lovely soul. It's so sad that it's come to this.
Wishing you a swift and peaceful exit, should you go through with it

 

[Ark]

Anytime my friend. And like I said, I will be here at your time to talk or support you any way you need.

 

[fightingsioux]

I'll catch the bus tonight around 3 am UK time and gosh I can not believe this? It feels so unreal, this is the thing I've been dreaming about for years.
Leaving the earth, no more crying because I'm still alive, no more dreams about ctb and most importanly no more bad days.

I feel so sorry for my friends, they've been supportive all the time and there are no words for how grateful I am. They're definitely the reason why I haven't done any other attempt this year.
I do really hope that they won't blame themselves as they've done everything they could.
I will send my friends in the evening delayed emails with a link to the documents at my Google Drive account: funny pictures of my pets, ugly pics of me (double chin and that stuff) and most importanly to me videos where they could hear my voice.
God I really hope that this makes grief for them a bit easier.

I'm still in disbelief knowing that today will be the last few hours with my pets, one last time to cuddle with them, one last time to give them kisses and one last time to tell them all how loved they are.
I will always love them.
A lovely member here on SS (I don't know or she'd be happy if I mention her username, however a massive thank you to her!) will call the police in the morning US time to get someone to my apartment to most importanly shelter my pets.
I have left a note for the police with instructions about what to do with my pets and phone numbers of people who might be able to shelter them.
One of my friends has promised me that she will do her best to take at least one of my pet, I really hope that she will able to give one of them a lovely home & I hope that they will get a lot of support out each other.
I will leave more than enough food and water for my pets before I take SN.

My heart aches to think that my family will receive a call tomorrow or the police from my home country at the door, my family will If need to catch a flight to see my body. It hurts.

It hurts even more to be still alive, to cry everyday, not seeing any other solution.
I have peace with my decision and I really hope that other people will have peace with my decision as well.
I hope that there will be a bit of relief on everyone's shoulder as well: no more fear of me catching the bus.

I will keep posting here until I took SN so please don't ban me until I've mentioned that I took SN.
I'll make sure after I took SN that my cookies & history will be deleted to avoid that my family or the police will ever have the chance to read through my posts.

If this is what you want, then I hope it goes OK.

If you change your mind, even if just for awhile, no shame, just continue here.

 

[Dubs]

Also your friend who is going to call the police needs to be careful. I'm not an expert but they might question her about what she knew, and she could be violating some laws. It is probably best to call it in as a "wellness check" and not a "suicide."

 

[jgm63]

If you decide to proceed then I wish you safe travels

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Good luck, i wish you well... Will be thinking of you.

Thank you! I hope the best for you.

I hope you have a peaceful transition. I admire how well thought-out your plans are, for your friends and especially your pets. You're too good for this world.

I really appreciate this lovely comment, thank you.
Honestly I want the best for my friends and pets, I really hope that this will help everyone and even the police with my list of instructions & phone numbers to call etc.

Ah no fucking way.
It's been an absolute pleasure reading your posts and comments on the forum & you seem like a lovely soul. It's so sad that it's come to this.
Wishing you a swift and peaceful exit, should you go through with it

I appreciate this thank you so much, you seem like a wonderful person as well!
I'd have loved to get to know you.
Thank you I wish you nothing but peace as well!

Anytime my friend. And like I said, I will be here at your time to talk or support you any way you need.

Ahh I wish that I could offer you the same support whenever you need any.

If this is what you want, then I hope it goes OK.

If you change your mind, even if just for awhile, no shame, just continue here.

Thank you!

Also your friend who is going to call the police needs to be careful. I'm not an expert but they might question her about what she knew, and she could be violating some laws. It is probably best to call it in as a "wellness check" and not a "suicide."

Yes that's right, sorry! The SS member came up with the plan of not having heard from me since hours after a concerning email, so it will be basically a wellness check. Thank you.

If you decide to proceed then I wish you safe travels

Thank you so much for all your help!

 

[6ixxy]

Thank you! I hope the best for you.

I really appreciate this lovely comment, thank you.
Honestly I want the best for my friends and pets, I really hope that this will help everyone and even the police with my list of instructions & phone numbers to call etc.

I appreciate this thank you so much, you seem like a wonderful person as well!
I'd have loved to get to know you.
Thank you I wish you nothing but peace as well!

Ahh I wish that I could offer you the same support whenever you need any.

Thank you!

Yes that's right, sorry! The SS member came up with the plan of not having heard from me since hours after a concerning email, so it will be basically a wellness check. Thank you.

Thank you so much for all your help!

If you need to PM or anything to help you through it Im a message away.

 

[BobbyPellitt]

I hope your attempt is successful. Thank you for sharing pictures of your pets. Safe travels

 

[realjunes]

I'll catch the bus tonight around 3 am UK time and gosh I can not believe this? It feels so unreal, this is the thing I've been dreaming about for years.
Leaving the earth, no more crying because I'm still alive, no more dreams about ctb and most importanly no more bad days.

I feel so sorry for my friends, they've been supportive all the time and there are no words for how grateful I am. They're definitely the reason why I haven't done any other attempt this year.
I do really hope that they won't blame themselves as they've done everything they could.
I will send my friends in the evening delayed emails with a link to the documents at my Google Drive account: funny pictures of my pets, ugly pics of me (double chin and that stuff) and most importanly to me videos where they could hear my voice.
God I really hope that this makes grief for them a bit easier.

I'm still in disbelief knowing that today will be the last few hours with my pets, one last time to cuddle with them, one last time to give them kisses and one last time to tell them all how loved they are.
I will always love them.
A lovely member here on SS (I don't know or she'd be happy if I mention her username, however a massive thank you to her!) will call the police in the morning US time to get someone to my apartment to most importanly shelter my pets.
I have left a note for the police with instructions about what to do with my pets and phone numbers of people who might be able to shelter them.
One of my friends has promised me that she will do her best to take at least one of my pet, I really hope that she will able to give one of them a lovely home & I hope that they will get a lot of support out each other.
I will leave more than enough food and water for my pets before I take SN.

My heart aches to think that my family will receive a call tomorrow or the police from my home country at the door, my family will need to catch a flight to see my body. It hurts.

It hurts even more to be still alive, to cry everyday, not seeing any other solution.
I have peace with my decision and I really hope that other people will have peace with my decision as well.
I hope that there will be a bit of relief on everyone's shoulder as well: no more fear of me catching the bus.

I will keep posting here until I took SN so please don't ban me until I've mentioned that I took SN.
NeC
I'll make sure after I took SN that my cookies & history will be deleted to avoid that my family or the police will ever have the chance to read through my posts.

NeCkDeEp,
We have not had the chance to meet, and I wish we had. I so appreciate the thoughtfulness you show in your post to friends, family, pets, and to yourself with such admiral planning and determination. You leave nothing to chance.
I can easily see you are a quality person, and I thank you for sharing your preparation, thoughts, and kind gestures with us. I hope to do as well should the day come, and will keep your efforts in mind. If this is your choice, I wish you eternal peace.
I have made note of your time zone in UK, and want you to know you will have a virtual supporter and new friend in the central time zone of US here with you for support. I will save for later tonight some of the sentimentality your post has risen-up in me.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

Please keep us posted. We are all here for you

 

[Nem]

Wishing you the best regardless of your decision
peace/hugs

 

[issyishere]

I'm sorry for everything that's caused you to come to this. I'll be thinking of you when I try to sleep tonight. I hope you find the peace you seek whatever you choose to do <3

 

[isam]

Haha here we go.

I don't really know you but I'll miss you. I won't sleep well this night..

But I hope we will have some fun together in few days.

Good luck, i wish you the best, peace, and freedom.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Very deep and heart wrenching post. You'll be in my thoughts over the next few days for sure. I'm sorry life drove you to this point, but I hope you find peace through it all.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I wish you didn't have to do this but if you must then I wish you a safe journey into the final clearing at the end of the path.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

If you need to PM or anything to help you through it Im a message away.

Thank you SO much!

I hope your attempt is successful. Thank you for sharing pictures of your pets. Safe travels

I hope so, I had a few dreams about a failed attempt and in all honesty I want my attempt to be succeeded I want peace.
Thank you so much!

NeCkDeEp,
We have not had the chance to meet, and I wish we had. I so appreciate the thoughtfulness you show in your post to friends, family, pets, and to yourself with such admiral planning and determination. You leave nothing to chance.
I can easily see you are a quality person, and I thank you for sharing your preparation, thoughts, and kind gestures with us. I hope to do as well should the day come, and will keep your efforts in mind. If this is your choice, I wish you eternal peace.
I have made note of your time zone in UK, and want you to know you will have a virtual supporter and new friend in the central time zone of US here with you for support. I will save for later tonight some of the sentimentality your post has risen-up in me.

I'm bawling like a baby now, I really appreciate your kind words. You all are so kind what the fuck, I swear to god that the world would have been a so much better place if people were like y'all.
I've tried my best to prepare as much as I can, I have left some treats for my pets on the table as well with a note 'please feel free to give my cat and rabbits some treats.'
I'm sure that my pets will in any way upset too they should somehow know that something will be wrong after tonight, gosh I wish that the police will try to comfort my pets as well.
Once again, thank you so much!

Please keep us posted. We are all here for you

Thank you I will until I take SN!

Wishing you the best regardless of your decision❤
peace/hugs

Thank you! I wish you the best

I'm sorry for everything that's caused you to come to this. I'll be thinking of you when I try to sleep tonight. I hope you find the peace you seek whatever you choose to do <3

I hope that you'll have a lovely sleep tonight, same to you! I really recommend to get a tattoo of an astronaut tho!

Haha here we go.

I don't really know you but I'll miss you. I won't sleep well this night..

But I hope we will have some fun together in few days.

Good luck, i wish you the best, peace, and freedom.

Hahahahaha it was a pleasure to get to know you a bit!
I hope that you'll sleep well, I'm so sorry if you will have any trouble tonight. Just know that I'll be in a so much better place, this is what I want.
I hope you get laid before you ctb girl.
I wish you the best as well, thank you!

Very deep and heart wrenching post. You'll be in my thoughts over the next few days for sure. I'm sorry life drove you to this point, but I hope you find peace through it all.

Don't worry, I will for sure find my peace after tonight.
Also thank you so much I really appreciate that I'll be in your thoughts over the next few days.
Best wishes and lots of luck to you!

I wish you didn't have to do this but if you must then I wish you a safe journey into the final clearing at the end of the path.

In all honesty it's sad because I went to the ER a few weeks ago for my suicidal thoughts anyway it escalated since then even more, I'm not willing to give recovery one more chance.
I have found peace with the decision of taking SN tonight, it's okay. I hope that my pets and loved ones will find peace regarding my decision as well.
Thank you!

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Thank you SO much!

I hope so, I had a few dreams about a failed attempt and in all honesty I want my attempt to be succeeded I want peace.
Thank you so much!

I'm bawling like a baby now, I really appreciate your kind words. You all are so kind what the fuck, I swear to god that the world would have been a so much better place if people were like y'all.
I've tried my best to prepare as much as I can, I have left some treats for my pets on the table as well with a note 'please feel free to give my cat and rabbits some treats.'
I'm sure that my pets will in any way upset too they should somehow know that something will be wrong after tonight, gosh I wish that the police will try to comfort my pets as well.
Once again, thank you so much!


Thank you I will until I take SN!

Thank you! I wish you the best

I hope that you'll have a lovely sleep tonight, same to you! I really recommend to get a tattoo of an astronaut tho!

Hahahahaha it was a pleasure to get to know you a bit!
I hope that you'll sleep well, I'm so sorry if you will have any trouble tonight. Just know that I'll be in a so much better place, this is what I want.
I hope you get laid before you ctb girl.
I wish you the best as well, thank you!

Don't worry, I will for sure find my peace after tonight.
Also thank you so much I really appreciate that I'll be in your thoughts over the next few days.
Best wishes and lots of luck to you!

In all honesty it's sad because I went to the ER a few weeks ago for my suicidal thoughts anyway it escalated since then even more, I'm not willing to give recovery one more chance.
I have found peace with the decision of taking SN tonight, it's okay. I hope that my pets and loved ones will find peace regarding my decision as well.
Thank you!

This is the first time we've talked. You reply to everyone who has replied. You are clearly an intelligent and considerate person who has tried their best to cope. It's so unfair that this is happening to you. I feel like I'm I'm the same boat. It makes me angry that people have to suffer so much despite trying to help themselves. My thoughts are with you.