Fear of death or fear of losing life?

[bl33ding_heart]

Are you hesitant to ctb because you're scared of death and what may come after. Possible oblivion, or an afterlife. Or is it because you're scared of losing a potential good life you could live? For me I am afraid to ctb because I'm scared that things could potentially get better if I don't, and if I were to ctb I'd be wasting that opportunity. I have an incurable personality disorder that makes my life hell, and essentially makes my life feel like a never ending loop of suffering. I know for a fact I would have way more peace in death than life. But I can't stop clinging on to the tiny bit of hope that things could get better for me. It really feels like I'm just bullshitting myself and only causing myself more pain and suffering by holding this pointless belief. I wish I could just accept that my mental state will never be fully ok, and kick the bucket already to end my suffering.

 

[Aflame5926]

that means you still have a hope. even if it might be a false hope. hope is hope that can make you go.
i hope your hope will be rewarded. the only thing you can do is keep trying.

for me its neither but its the fear of pain i have. physical pain. that the one thing that holds me back.
i get paranoid of finding a way to CTB. pretty much have bad sleep of this because im non stop looking for it.

 

[Matchaaa]

I might feel this way, I know I can never leave this country or this life and I want to find eternal liberation through CTB. I'm afraid that once things "get better," my mind will start deceiving itself, and I'll be unable to find peace and liberation. That's why I deliberately prevent myself from getting better, hoping that one day, when I can't take it anymore, I'll finally be able to do it and find liberation.
But I haven't dared to do it yet because I'm afraid of the pain involved.

I hope you can find a way to find happiness and comfort.

 

[glass-petal]

it's a bit of both for me. i'm in a somewhat similar boat to you, dealing with something incurable that can make life royally suck at times. with that being a constant factor in my mind it often feels like a pipe dream when i try to imagine things truly getting better for me. i have to be realistic about the limits of my situation, and that can make it pretty impossible to hold onto anything resembling hope.

 

[idfwlnh]

Are you hesitant to ctb because you're scared of death and what may come after. Possible oblivion, or an afterlife. Or is it because you're scared of losing a potential good life you could live? For me I am afraid to ctb because I'm scared that things could potentially get better if I don't, and if I were to ctb I'd be wasting that opportunity. I have an incurable personality disorder that makes my life hell, and essentially makes my life feel like a never ending loop of suffering. I know for a fact I would have way more peace in death than life. But I can't stop clinging on to the tiny bit of hope that things could get better for me. It really feels like I'm just bullshitting myself and only causing myself more pain and suffering by holding this pointless belief. I wish I could just accept that my mental state will never be fully ok, and kick the bucket already to end my suffering.

I'm scared of pain and the uneasy feeling of discomfort when dying. I don't care abt life anymore, just a corpse doing things to survive

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Fear of surviving. I took a bunch of acid and thought i saw the afterlife and it was terrifying. So that's kinda scary too.

Still I wish I could try ASAP

Keep clinging on to that hope! I'd be happy to hear you recovered.

I'm afraid that once things "get better," my mind will start deceiving itself, and I'll be unable to find peace and liberation. That's why I deliberately prevent myself from getting better, hoping that one day, when I can't take it anymore, I'll finally be able to do it and find liberation.

I've done the same before. I hope you find hope or peace from that cycle.

 

[Quietist]

I consider death a transition, so the process of death doesn't scare me so much as the unknown of what's to meet me on the other side.

I try to consider the NDEs of people who have experienced bliss and beauty on the other side, but I also remember a lot of the "hell" experiences.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I only continue to suffer in this torturous, dreadful existence as a result of humans making it illegal to cease existing painlessly, it truly is such horrific extreme cruelty how we exist in this reality where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, there's just so much evil in anti-suicide.

All that anti-suicide people want is for others to be tortured for as much and as long as possible, all I want is to be free from the torture of existing and it's just so horrible and painful to me how a human can be tortured in this existence for decades longer just to face the agony of old age.

For me existence will just always be an abomination and all I want is to erase this existence, all that existence ever does is cause all this pain and torture with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, it's so terrible how this existence was even imposed at all, to suffer in this existence will always be a mistake to me, I'd never wish to be conscious of anything at all.